| A Composer Sitcom - Episode 2 - Move-In Sunday |
| Warning: Don't try to lift heavy objects without keeping your back straight. |
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It is an overcast Sunday morning that Barbara Strozzi chooses to move in. She parks across the street from the house and walks up to the door. Strozzi: No use carrying everything myself.... (rings bell, a disheveled Mussorgsky answers) Muss: heythere Barbra come on in Strozzi: I'm afraid I should start bringing in my bags - it looks like it might rain? Muss(hollars over shoulder): HEYYOU PEOPLE COME HELP CARRY HER BAGS!! Strozzi: oh Modest, you didn't have- (she stops short when she sees the group that has immediately assembled behind Mussorgsky - Liszt, Wagner, Mozart, Brahms, Ives. Schumann sticks his head in from the piano room.) Schumann: I see the position has been filled. Now if only the others might be whisked away by their umbrellas! No? Then back to the piano for me! (disappears) Liszt(steps forward): I'm terribly sorry I was out of the house when you last came, but I wanted to express my support an-- Brahms(clears throat obnoxiously): Perhaps we should start unpacking the car - before it pours. (Liszt is about to object when he notices the gathering storm clouds.) Liszt: Ah, yes, that might be wise, come! (He leads the group to the car.) Strozzi(opens trunk): Ok, there are some heavy suitcases - these two (gestures to big green suitcases stacked on top of each other) I think they're the worst... Wagner: Not a problem. (grabs the top case, hauls it out and rolls it away) Liszt: I'll get the other one (steps in front of Ives who was about to take it, and grabs hold of the handle. He tugs, no movement) er.. (clears throat, wipes brow, tries again.. Nothing.) What... .. What do you have in here? Srozzi(demure): Oh... this and that.. I can't remember exactly.. (Liszt smiles, and tries again; the suitcase budges. Slightly. The others have had it. Brahms and Ives step forward.) Both: I'll get it- (Liszt notices the two on either side of him, shrugs slightly and gets out of the way, incidentally next to Strozzi. She stands back and tries to look sympathetic; Mozart, on her other side, openly wears the expression of a 5-year-old instructed to buy anything he wants in a candy shop. Meanwhile, Ives and Brahms both attempt to get hold of the luggage.) Ives: Now, Johannes, it doesn't take two of us to pick up a suitcase. Brahms(ironically): I don't know.. seems pretty heavy. Ives. Nonsense. It's just a matter of leverage.. (Brahms doesn't move.) That is, I can't lift it with you in the way! Brahms: Leverage isn't as important when you have another person lightening the load. Now stop talking about it and lift! Ives: What? Easy for you to say when you've got hold of the handle - Now you know it's dangerous to lift at this angle - or maybe you don't? Do you know how many people every year get hernias trying--- (CRACK! - everyone looks up at the thunder as the clouds let loose and a wall of rain descends upon them.) Mozart(cheerfully): Oh, curse my luck - why didn't I think to bring an umbrella for everyone? (opens the one he's brought, holds it up over himself and Strozzi) Strozzi: Thank you, Wolfgang - perhaps we'd better get the rest of this later? Mozart: Yes, let's go back in before it gets worse. (they cautiously make their way across the street and to the house, where Wagner is standing in the doorway waving his beret as if he were stranded on a desert island and had just caught sight of a ship.) Wagner: COME IN!! THE HEAVENS ABOVE HAVE OPENED AND THE WORST GALE IS UPON US! Mozart: Yes, Richard, thanks for the heads up. (Back at the car, the other three are standing, soaked, hair matted down, glaring at the world.) Liszt: Well... that wasn't very successful.. Brahms: I hate chivalry. (slams trunk closed and storms off) In the house, Mozart has offered Strozzi his coat and they are now sitting in the piano room drinking hot tea and listening to Schumann, who is sitting at the piano but not playing. Schumann(staring out front window): I often marvel at the raw, natural power of the thunderstorm... anything with the ability to melt Franz Liszt's hair, despite the struggles of those dozen some products he uses, MUST be regarded with awe and reverence... Strozzi: Oh don't tell me I'll be fighting over the bathroom with Franz. Mozart: And Pyotr. But don't worry - to balance it out Ludwig and Modest never seem to use the bathroom. Strozzi: that's just as bad! Mozart: Hah - I think we've got Modest trained by now... but.. (Zacara appears in the doorway and looks around with a grumpy squint, then he spots Strozzi and walks over to her.) Zacara: Hello. I'm Antonio. (extends hand, which is still missing two fingers) Don't be alarmed, I have a few spares growing in the greenhouse out back. Strozzi: what?! Mozart: Oh now tell her your real name is Zacar - meaning "worthless" in Italian. Zacara: I know I should never have told you people about it, BUT you could at least get the facts straight: Zacara is a nickname. My full name, if you want to be picky, is Antonius Berardi Andree Petri Dati dei Rupi (pointedly at Mozart) alias dictus vulgariter Zacchara! (then adds as if an afterthought) da Teramo. Strozzi: Teramo? My family's from Italy as well- Zacara: I thought you looked Italian! Schumann(Brain from Animaniacs): YESSS!! - ITALY! (jumps up and runs from the room; Strozzi looks confused) Mozart: Sudden strike of inspiration, no doubt. Zacara: That or the runs - nearly identical the way you people go on about it. (they laugh) Mozart: Beat me to it, Zacar! Zacara: Well I have to beat you to these things, or I really would be worthless, wouldn't I? Meanwhile, the three soaked housemates descend upon the kitchen, where Hildegard and Tchaikovsky are playing chess at the table and Wagner is making himself a fresh pot of tea. Liszt(walks right up to Wagner, dripping water across the floor): Ah, good, Richard, you are making us some tea. Wagner: (looks over shoulder suspiciously) I wasn't planning to serve the entire household. Liszt(leans arm on Wagner's shoulder, dripping more water): No, no - there are only three of us. You'd have been the fourth, but you opted to warn us about the rain from the safety of the front door..... Brahms: What do you need his warning for? I warned you about the rain before we went out! (sits at table between Hildegard and Tchaikovsky, both of whom appear most displeased.) Hildegard: What! - are you going to sit there and ruin the chair? Tchaikovsky: You're making a mess, Johannes. Brahms(leans forward, elbows on table): It's just water. Ives: I'll have English Breakfast, Richard. Wagner(steeping tea in pot): I've already started brewing it with Earl Grey. Hildegard(to Brahms): You are such an obnoxious little child! Ives: Oh no, we're just starting a new fashion trend! Walking around totally soaked - it's charming don't you think? Brahms: I think it'd be more charming on our female friends, eh? (There's a stifled chuckling from the counter where Liszt and Wagner are getting tea cups.) Hildegard: INSUFFERABLE! (Schumann can be seen running past the kitchen, arms out, eyes wide) Ives: Now there goes Robert again -what do you suppose he's up in arms about this time? Tchaikovsky: Perhaps he noticed the MESS you undoubtedly made in the foyer. Brahms: Robert has higher priorities than worrying about a bit of water on the floor. Hildegard: Priority!? Someone could slip and seriously injure herself! Brahms: Only the -- (There's a sudden thud accompanied by a loud "ROOOOAARR!" - Brahms is chagrinned)... clumsiest of..... Ludwig.. Mussorgsky(calls from living room) DO I NEED TO ORDER NON-SLIP 21 FOR YOU PEOPLE?! (They can hear deliberate, thudding footsteps and soon Beethoven appears in the doorway, his hair askew, face red, vein on forehead visible - even his Napoleonic sideburns look angry.) Beethoven: WHO--- (sees Brahms first) YOU! You WET RAT! (approaches threateningly) You didn't - (then he sees Liszt) YOU TOO! (and Ives) A GENERAL CONSPIRACY! Tchaik(primly): We told them to clean up the floor. (Cut to living room) Strozzi: What ...... I hope they didn't leave the floor slippery. Mozart: But of course, just an attempt to bring the wild outdoors .. indoors. It's a thunderstorm, you see: They supply the water, Ludwig supplies the thunder... Strozzi: I'm not sure this a game I want to play.. Mozart(grin): Thunderstorm is nothing - wait until we play nor'easter with the ice maker and Pyotr's wardrobe... Strozzi: Oh dear. Zacara: Call me morbid, but I've been struck by a sudden, burning need for a diet Coke.. (exit) Kitchen: (Beethoven is storming "" about the room, although there's hardly space between the table and the people at the counter.) Beethoven: ...can't just LEAVE water sitting on the tile floor! What irresponsibility! Like a bunch of goddamned children! Hildegard: Yes, Ludwig! That's what I'm always telling them! (Enter Zacara with a sage smile; he retrieves his diet Coke then leans in the doorway to listen.) Ives: We were going to clean it up- Brahms: Sorry, Ludwig, I'm not sure anyone expected you to go skating around in it! Beethoven: ... Well.. I may not be the most graceful person in the world, but at least I have the wherewithal not to leave water on the floor! Brahms: You'd think that if you were that worried about tripping over your own feet, you'd pay more attention to where you put them! Beethoven(dangerous quiet): You're lucky I know you well enough not to take that seriously, Johannes. As it is, I have to go change my pants now that I'm a watery mess! (turns to leave, nearly walks into Zacara and stumbles to avoid collision.) Too many people ! ACH! (exit) (Mussorgsky sticks his head around the corner, Zacara steps aside, amused.) Mussorgsky: Is it safe to get a snack in here? Zacara: You also struck by morbid curiosity? I'm afraid you're a bit late! Storm passed - no casualties. Wagner(turns around, holding a tray with the tea pot and supplies on it): I'm afraid we are not serving beer either. Tea is the afternoon drink du jour. Mussorgsky(nonplussed): hm.. Brandy... needs brandy.. (disappears again) Wagner: Well Franz, you're sickly enough as it is, you ought not to go wandering around like a wet rag or you'll catch your death of cold. Liszt: Thank you, Richard. Hildegard: Yes, go change now that you've dropped all your excess water on the floor! Brahms: You can't get sick from water. Ives: Germs, what have you - I think it's a good idea, besides I'm getting chilly. (He and Liszt leave; Brahms stays dripping at the table; Wagner brings the tea and sits as well.) Hildegard: That would serve you right - all getting colds. Tchaik: Hildegard! Hildegard: Well yes, that's rather uncharitable of me to s- Tchaik: It's your turn! Hildegard: oh. Yes.. (pushes up sleeves, holds arms out over chess board and closes eyes as if in meditation. Brahms and Wagner exchange a skeptical glance across the table. Hildegard pauses, frowning) Oh, Pyotr... flanking the king is not going to work, I'm afraid... (opens eyes, then moves forward a seemingly random pawn on the left side of the board) There. Tchaikovsky(pouts): It's not fair, playing chess with you. Brahms: You should play chess with Robert. He also communes with the spirits under the table... Hildegard: It's a not a question of "spirits under the table" -- (Re-enter Mussorgsky with Brandy in hand.) Mussorgsky: thats right its a question of spirits that you drink! now i always play chess better when ive had a bit to warm my insides Zacara: Modest, you drink so much your insides are probably warm enough to cook a seven-course meal! Mussorgsky: i donwannahear it outtayou! you could probly use sommathis in your coke! (sets Brandy on table) Tchaik: Good, I'll have some. Brahms: Yes, I will too - you know, ward off the spirits of disease.. Wagner: Now you're going to jinx yourself. And our Hildegard will be most pleased, no doubt, to see you come down with pneumonia or pleurisy or whatever it is that's in vogue these days. Brahms: I'm not going to get sick. End of discussion. 930pm: Ives: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH CHOOOOO! Mussorgsky(sitting next to him on couch): oh jesus youre getting a cold arent you? Ives: No, I am not getting a cold. The working man has no time for illness! Mussorgsky: yeah you tell that to the illness.. but i think we have some thera-flu somewhere.. hm.. well youcan find it. Zacara: Quiet, kids. Stabler's about to beat the crap out of him- Meanwhile, Barbara Strozzi is unpacking with the help of Hildegard and Tchaikovsky. She's moved into their room (also shared by Zacara, although he is currently watching SVU with Mussorgsky and Ives). Tchaik: I'm sorry I didn't have much chance to talk to you the other day... I was a bit flustered with that prank.. Strozzi: It's fine - I'm just glad everyone was OK with me moving in. Hildegard: We figured that if you really felt you could handle it.. why stop you? Strozzi: oh I'm sure you're just exaggerating - they seem like perfectly friendly musicians.. Tchaik: Just wait until the first time you bring home a love interest... (sighs in exasperation) Hildegard: You shouldn't have let Johannes overhear you referring to him as "our ambiguously androgynous housemate." Tchaik: That's just the point - they eavesdrop! Strozzi: I'll keep that in mind.. Hildegard: No, just don't bring home your love interests. Tchaik: I don't. Hildegard: I don't. Strozzi: It seems our household believes it takes a village to foster a relationship? Tchaik: ... that's one way of putting it. |