(The names of the people in this story have been changed to protect their privacy).
I was 11 and had a big crush on a lifelong friend named, Jared. He was very nice and I had even thought of marrying him. But after a while the thought of Jared and myself as a couple passed. But this was not the end, I still had a lot to learn about romance and crushes. When I turned 12 I began to dream of another guy in my life. His name was Sheridan, and he was many years old than myself. Though our ages were so far apart my imagination went wild. My thoughts roved even to the wedding night with him. My heart was wrong, but I refused to admit it and even tried to make myself believe that God had told me that I would marry Sheridan.
I had told no one about my secret crush for a very long time. Not even my sister Dawn, for the obvious reason that my sister had previously had a crush on Sheridan and because I didn't want to be embarrassed. Finally I did tell my dad and he laughed knowing that I was being very silly. That is when it ended, but the journey doesn't stop there. I began to realize that my thoughts about Sheridan had been wrong and I asked forgiveness from God.
It was about the year I turned 13 that I met a man of God that I still respect. I wrote in my journal on July 11th shortly after I met him that, "I have to keep my brain in check so I don't want or think there should be something more." I do see him as a brother even now. I also have an accountability partner know and we are good for each other.
I still have some difficulty in remembering to keep my Christian brothers in the brother category, but I know with God's help all things are possible.
Also another commitment I made when I was 13 was to not kiss another man except my husband or dad. I was in turmoil about it for several months until I realized that before our marriage our relationship should not be based on emotions, but on each ones character and values. Not that touching one another is bad, but for me it would be wrong because my focus would shift.
You may think that this whole "brother category" thing is a bit strange, but I want you to think about it in this context. If you have brothers of your own it's easier, but it's ok if you, like myself, do not have brothers. You would never think of how wonderful it would be to kiss your brother would you? That's really just to give you an idea. I encourage you to stay in all purity in your thoughts and actions. Get an accountability partner and if at all possible talk with your parents about purity issues.