Ootside the Rottenrow

Maggie….."Thanks fur coming tae get me Shuggie…ah didnae fancy getting a bus wi awe these bags an a wean"

Shuggie…"Nae bother hen….ah missed ye…..an the hoose is a tip"

Maggie…."Aw that’s brilliant…heres me goin haime wi a new wean an that wumman ah invited munths ago is comin tae stay tae!"

Shuggie…"Well we better get ye haime hen so ye kin start cleanin"

They drive back tae Vindaloo Street

Granny…"So this is the new wean…wit did ye call him?"

Maggie…"We wur thinkin oh callin him Kurt"

Granny…."oh that’s a luvly name hen….suits him tae"

Inside McNastys

Maggie…"Right that’s the hoose awe clean….ma visitor wull be here any minute"

Theres a knock at the door

Agnes…"Hullo Maggie hen….thanks fur invitin me…but yer timin stinks hen….ah didnae know ye wur goannae huv the wean just afore ah got here fur ma hoalidays!"

Maggie…"Sorry aboot that hen….but ahm sure ye bein ma pal ye wull understawn"

4 days later

Maggie…"Shuggie ahm sick oh that wumman…shes been here 4 days an ah huvnae seen eether oh ye….she wants ye tae run her here there an everywhere…..an she wulnae lift a finger tae help…she wulnae even wash her ain cup or make her bed….shes a slob! An huv ye seen the size shes got…she must be 20 stone noo!"

Shuggie…"Aye ah know hen but she says its no her fault ye just hud the wean…an shes oan hoalidy an its no fair if she cannae dae awe the things she planned"

Maggie…..Aye daein things is wan thing….but she husnae even offered tae help wi dinner…if ah didnae cook she gets ye tae take her oot fur her dinner….an her breakfast…..ah suppose cookins wurk tae!" "An the fact ah huvnae been feelin well…..ah need ye here tae help me…no cart that selfish big lump aboot…some pal!!"

Shuggie…"Well she wull be goin soon hen……then we kin get the chairs she wulnae move aff upholstered!"

Maggie…."Wan good thing…ah wulnae need tae clean the bath oot…she never uses it!" "An if she insults ma weans wan maire time shes oot oan her fat arse!" "An when ah wis taken back tae hospital sick the uther day she phoned ye there an asked fur a lift…..shes the wurst hooseguest ah huv ever hud!"

Shuggie…"Well didnae wurry hen……shes no comin back…..naebody uses us twice!"

2 days later

Agnes…."Well its been fun but ah really dae huv tae go…..nice place ye huv here"

Maggie….(under her breath)"It wis bliddy nice till ye got here!"

Agnes….(whos no right in the heid as she cannae see wit a borin fat useless waste oh space she is!) ah wull come back an see ye awe again…but mind Maggie…didnae get sick or huv a wean next time…its no convenient!!"

We wull end here afore Maggie pits the heid in fatso……. We wid like tae thank who gave us the idea fur this story but that wid mean tellin ye awe who fatso wis an we didnae think she deserves any thanks! This is a true story that happened tae a pal oh oors…..hope yer feelin better hen….ye wull noo that the tub oh lard hus gone haime!