Ootside No. 3

Kylie...."Hullo Maw....ye coming back hame?"

Maggie..."Naw hen...a just came fur the rest of ma stuff"

Kylie...."Well thats nice....ye just up an leave us, the hoose is mingin, we huvny goat any clean claithes an awe ma pals ur talkin aboot ye"

Maggie..."Keep yer voice doon...didnae go giein me a showin up, an didnae talk tae me that way eether....yer no too big fur a guid hidin fur yer cheek"

Maggie goes inside the hoose tae get her stuff an Kylie shrugs her shoulders an follows her. (we huvnae used any music here as we canny think o anythin that wud be suitable fur this situation....we mean tae say...this wummans huvin anuther mans wean....shes left her weans an man tae live wi him an she husnae goat any shame....bet they huvnae written a song that could cover awe that!!)

Inside No. 5 its awfy quiet.....

Tiffany..."Are you going to start talking to Dad yet Mum?"

Julie..."I refuse to speak to a common criminal...he has brought shame on this family....my Mother was right, She told me never to marry a man who's eyebrows met in the middle...I should have listened to her" (fur somewan whos no talkin she doesnae half go oan!!)

Jimmy..."Av telt ye am sorry.....its your fault tae ye know"

Julie..."oh thats right, blame it on anybody but yourself"

Jimmy..."Well ye did want all they fancy things.....a didnae earn much in ma job...if ye hud wanted a rich man ye should huv merried a lawyer or something.....Ur ye comin tae the court next week tae see wit a get?"

Julie..."Certainly not!! I will stay home and pretend this just isn't happening"

We move away fae No. 5 noo....partly because we canny think o anything else tae say aboot them an partly because that wuman's screechin is makin oor heidache come back!

Inside No. 9

Deirdrie...."Oh Rab.....a shouldnae say this but am gled ye finished wi Granny....her loss ma gain"

Rab...."Aye mine tae hen.....me an Granny wur just a flash in the pan...a couldnae be serious aboot anythin thats past its sell by date!"

Deirdrie..."theres somethin a huv tae tell ye though afore we get too serious.....theres this other man a see the other days your no here"

Rab...."Whit?? ye mean am no enough fur ye?"

Deirdrie..."Well no really....Tinman (an nae jokes here aboot him being rusty, we've seen him an hes well oiled!!) has been wi me a long time...a canny decide"

Rab..."Well a wull just huv tae accept that....am no happy aboot it but who wud be havin tae share their burd wi somewan called Tinman"

Deirdrie..."Thats just his nickname...come tae think o it, a didnae know his real name"(We know his real name but he paid us no tae gie it oot!) "He's ma windae cleaner....we met ower his bucket" (anywan who knows Tinman wull get that joke)

The credits roll tae the tune fae Follow the Yellow Brick Road.....we know its no very original but its the best we kin dae the day.....