Julia Bancroft wis sittin in her livin room havin a wee cuppa tea, it wis Sunday efternoon an she wis thinkin aw all the things she still had tae dae roon the hoose. Suddenly she heard a loud scream an something went flyin past her winday!

Julie....."What on earth was that?"

Tam....(Lying oan the groond)....hey missus, gonny help me up? I wis fittin a ariel thingy fer the telly an I slipped oan the daft roof! I think ma backs broken!"

Julie....."Oh Dear, I hope not, those are my prized roses you are lying on."

Julie bend doon to help Tam up when she suddenly thought "mmmm, I've never noticed what a strong attractive person Tam is before" and Tam was thinking "Shes a bit of awe right even if she does talk funny an is a stuck up snob!" Their eyes met! They gazed at each other fur a long time as nane o them knew wit had hit them. (Background romantic pukey music playin)

Suddenly there wis a loud yell fae next door....

Maggie....."Wit dae ye think yer daing ye stupid eejit!! Ask ye tae dae wan thing an ye canny dae that right. Yer just useless, get oot o ma sight!"

Julie...."Come inside with me and I will make you a nice cup of tea, the best thing for a shock." (nae background music)

They both went inside the hoose.

Further doon the street Paddy Smith wis workin oan an old banger that his mate hud left fur him when a lassie o aboot 25 came roond the coarner and stood looking at him.

Paddy....."Kin a help ye hen?"

The lassie...... "A didnae know if ye kin mister, am lookin fer a man called Paddy Smith, he used tae live here"

Paddy........"Well yer in luck Hen, thats me" The girls face changed fae a nice pink colour tae a sort o yucky green.

Paddy....."Ur ye awe right hen?" 

The lassie....."Ma name is Stephanie, ma mother is Betty McDuff" (Background dramatic "oh this is exciting stuff" music playin)

At this last remark it wis Paddys turn tae turn green.

Paddy....."ye better come inside the hoose hen, we didnae want the neighbours talkin. Bunch o nosy besoms they ur"

They went inside an Paddy put the kettle oan. Didnae suit him so he took it af again! (sorry we wanted tae make a wee joke there!)

Paddy....." so how is yer Maw? Huvnae seen her fur oh it must be 25 years noo."

Steph......"She is a right, well she wull be efter the operation"

Paddy...."oh she still huvin they operations? They havnae cured it yet??"

Steph....."A think we huv hud enough bletherin here Mr Smith, ma mother telt me who ma faither is" (Mare background dramatic "oh we're oan the edge o our seats exciting stuff noo" music playin)

Paddy....."A didnae even know she wis pregnant when a ran oaf tae sea....a just needed tae get away fur a wee while, then a came back an she hud left"

Steph...."didnae be so stupid...your no ma faither, your ma brother!!"

(Credits roll wi the theme tune fae Dynasty playin.....well we huvnae written oor ain wan yet!! Gie us a chance!!)