(1) Most Original Show:
RIMMER: "The League Against Tedium" - Simon Munnery
HARLEY: "The League Against Tedium" - Simon Munnery
STARBUG: "The League Against Tedium" - Simon Munnery

(2) Biggest Sleaze:
RIMMER: David Strassman ("Hi, I'm Channel Nine's David Strassman")
HARLEY: It would have to be Lewis Schaffer....if I was actually taking him seriously!
STARBUG: David Strassman

(3) Best Show:
RIMMER: If I had to name one or face being locked in a room wallpapered with pictures of John Howard while being serenaded by the strangled-cat sounds of "My Heart Will Go On" (If the people in the town-house next to us blast that song out one more time......) I guess I'd say......"Disturbed" - Peter Berner
HARLEY: Aghhh! Pass on this one...it's just too difficult.
STARBUG: "Disturbed" - Peter Berner

(4) Funniest Joke/ Anecdote:
RIMMER: The kid biting Rich Hall in the "ass" on Flinders Street Station & Fleety's Spider in the Underpants Story
HARLEY: Greg Fleet receiving a very scary letter from an obsessed fan that turned out to be none other than Rich Hall!
STARBUG: The guy in the audience at Rich Hall's "The Shame Spiral" who asked Rich whether he preferred Stand-Up comedy or Meteorology. Huh?

(5) Best Venue:
RIMMER: Council Chambers, Town Hall (but Trades Hall had the Cheapest Booze!)
HARLEY: The Council Chambers - the comfiest seats on offer!
STARBUG: The Capitol Theatre - that really weird UFO ceiling.

(6) Least New Material:
RIMMER: Flacco and the Sandman
HARLEY: Ted Robinson - did you notice how many people could recite along with him for the last GNW introduction. (Rimmer's comment: for the first one, come to think of it!)
STARBUG: Denise Scott - "Quick kids, get in the bath! Nanna's coming!" *groan*

(7) Best Costume/Make-up Changes:
RIMMER: "This Is Your Miserable Life" - Andrea Powell
HARLEY: Peter Helliar miraculously changing into Rove McManus for one night of "This Much Is True" (Rimmer's comment: Hmmm.... wonder if the audience noticed?!?)
STARBUG: "This Is Your Miserable Life" - Andrea Powell

(8) Best Shrine:
RIMMER: "Waiting For Munro"
HARLEY: "Waiting For Munro"
STARBUG: "Waiting For Munro"

(9) Worst Sight:
RIMMER: A Very Naked Steve Abbott (I wouldn't like to see that!)
HARLEY: Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. I may never sleep again.
STARBUG: Ugh! Naked Steve

(10) Least Original Show:
RIMMER: "Live On Earth" - Craig Charles (although Harley did get a pash out of it!!!) (Harley's comment: I'd like to know what your definition of 'pash' is!) (Rimmer's comment: okay, Harley got a "peck on the cheek" out of it. Doesn't sound like much of a story now though, does it!) (Harley: but my reputation is intact!) (Rimmer: more than you can say for mine *g*) (Starbug's comment: oooooh, lovers!) (Harley's comment: Shuddup! *Whiney tone*) (Rimmer's comment: Harley and Craig, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g......)
HARLEY: "Live On Earth" - Craig Charles
STARBUG: "Live On Earth" - Craig Charles

(11) Worst Venue:
RIMMER: The Lunch Room, Town Hall
HARLEY: Main Hall, Town Hall. It's too big and echoey!
STARBUG: Trades Hall

(12) Hottest Comedian:
RIMMER: Paul McDermott and Rove McManus - in very different ways
HARLEY: How can I go past Lewis Schaffer?? *G* (Rimmer's comment: fuck yeah.... can I change my answer???) (Starbug's comment: mmmmmm.... Lewis) (Rimmer's comment: Steph makes him stiff) (Starbug's comment: Yes. Yes I do.)
STARBUG: Paul McDermott

(13) Best International:
RIMMER: Otis Lee Crenshaw
HARLEY: Lynn Ferguson
STARBUG: Jeff Green

(14) Best Local (Melbourne Comedy Scene):
RIMMER: Rove McManus and Wil Anderson and Tripod and Adam Richard et al (See how good I am at the whole decision making process!)
HARLEY: Wil Anderson and Tripod
STARBUG: Sue Ann Post - and too many other honourable mentions to list! (Yay for local comedy)

(15) Best Outfit/Costume - Male:
RIMMER: Paul McDermott's outfit for the Great Debate "That Happy Days Are Here Again" - that shirt, that waistcoat, that tie... but mostly those pants!
HARLEY: Tripod's grouse new threads.
STARBUG: Paul in debate (if I was gonna bite anyone in the "ass"...)

(16) Best Outfit/Costume - Female:
RIMMER: Anything worn by Jean Kittson - I think it's called natural style. Most clever would be any of Andrea Powell's costumes.
HARLEY: Kim Hope's PVC top - I want one!! (Rimmer's comment: yeah... one of the more interesting Festival Club conversations.... "Hey Kim, where did you buy your groovy top!" "Chapel Street!"...... not that I was really paying too much attention at that point in time *g*)
STARBUG: Corinne Grant's handmade dress in "Waiting For Munro"

(17) Worst Outfit/Costume - Male:
RIMMER: The Sandman's lack of costuming! Oh, and the fact that Simon Munnery didn't wear the costume in the Festival Guide in his show. Black Skivvy instead. Hmmm.... I believe that's false advertising! Ripped Off!
HARLEY: Ted Robinson. The man has one outfit, and he isn't going to buy a new one. Ever.
STARBUG: "We've Not Been Ourselves" - least effort (How to make a space-suit with common household objects) (Rimmer's comment: time to get out the Playschool "making-box")

(18) Worst Outfit/Costume - Female:
RIMMER: Miss Itchy. Need I say more?
HARLEY: Miss Itchy...it's a good thing they're meant to look bad!
STARBUG: Miss Itchy - especially post mudcake wrestling ("the big jocks" *said with an air of disgust*)

(19) Best Value:
RIMMER: "Shame"
HARLEY: "Shame"
STARBUG: "Shame" (six bucks - you can't get any better than that) (Harley's comment: and you get Adam Richard doing Kris Kross impersonations) (Starbug's comment: And you get David Hasselhoff) (Harley's comment: To keep! *One for all the channel 31 watchers out there*)

(20) Most Surprising Snog:
RIMMER: Kim Hope and Adam Hills
HARLEY: I didn't really see anyone! I guess my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend...grrr!
STARBUG: Rimmer and **** (Rimmer's comment: yeah, like I want *that* all over the internet.)

(21) "Nicest" Comedian:
RIMMER: Adam Richard
HARLEY: Adam Richard
STARBUG: Adam Richard

(22) Best Nail Polish:
RIMMER: Wil Anderson.... best toenail polish too!
HARLEY: Wil Anderson (as "Big Nose" commented to me: "Don't you think it's a bit poofy?")
STARBUG: Wil Anderson

(23) Most "Huggable" Comedian:
RIMMER: Jeff Green
HARLEY: Jeff Green
STARBUG: Jeff Green

(24) Juiciest Piece of Festival Gossip:
RIMMER: Stassman's stripping wife! Basically, the story as Ged Wood told it, is that after a bad night at the Comedy Club, Strassman took the staff members out to thank them for helping him out. In his own, very classy, manner, he decided to treat them to a strip show. Then, afterwards he informed them that he had arranged for them all to see a private strip. The lady in question did the undressing thang then finally removed her mask... to reveal her identity as being Strassman's Wife!!! Now why can't I find myself a man like that???
HARLEY: Can you go past that story?? I think not!!
STARBUG: "Little Molly" (as in Meldrum) popping out to visit Julia Morris and Janei Anderson (Adam R: "and he was awake" Rove M: "and he had a hat on")

(25) Illest Looking Comedian:
RIMMER: Julia Morris
HARLEY: Julia Morris (who resembles a sick whippet)
STARBUG: Adam Richard

(26) Worst Case of Festival Flu:
RIMMER: Adam Richard (sick all Festival) and Ed Byrne.... although I think I deserve a honourable mention for getting three different types of Festival Flu!
HARLEY: Poor Adam Richard! Him and Ed Byrne get it for mine.
STARBUG: Ed Byrne ('cos he had the squits)

(27) Star of the Future:
RIMMER: Tripod and Adam Richard
HARLEY: Tripod
STARBUG: Corinne Grant

(28) Best Comedic Song:
RIMMER: "He Almost Looks Like You": Otis Lee Crenshaw and Tripod's Prodigy/Aqua Song (if only for Gatesy's shagability)
HARLEY: "Is It Okay If I Stalk You?": Tripod
STARBUG: Otis Lee's Train Station song & "I Didn't Come From No Monkeys" by the same

(29) Least Fashionable:
RIMMER: Simon Munnery
HARLEY: Peter Helliar and the amazing re-occurring outfit (especially the brown jacket)
STARBUG: Greg Fleet (love those flannies!)

(30) Most Fashionable:
RIMMER: Adam Richard
HARLEY: Kim Hope
STARBUG: Adam Richard

(31) Best Festival Club Band:
RIMMER: Scared Weird Little Guys All Star Comedy Band (Especially Rove's "Footloose" and Tripod's "YMCA")
HARLEY: Scared Weird Little Guys All Star Comedy Band.
STARBUG: Scared Weird Little Guys All Star Comedy Band (did we see anyone else?) (Rimmer's comment: I believe so.... I just don't think we can remember them!) (Starbug's comment: Aaaaah, yes.....) (Harley's comment: Remember, we sung along to the "Hair" medley - and everyone stared at us!)

(32) Drink of Choice:
RIMMER: VB. In copious amounts, with interest added by the occasional Vodka and Orange.... Oh, and the really shitty vodka that Harley and I bought that tastes like you're drinking acid and gets you really smashed, really quickly! (Starbug's comment: mmmmmm...... it burns on the way down......)
HARLEY: Lemon Ruskis.
STARBUG: Vodka and Squash

(33) The "Missing In Action" Award:
RIMMER: The two hours missing from the very early morning of the 24th. Goddamnit!!! Of all the bloody things for alcohol to have erased from my memory...... Thank god I can remember the really important bits......
HARLEY: The Corkies...still!!
STARBUG: The Three Canadians (I was going to see them this year!)

(34) Biggest Mental Case:
RIMMER: MC Savage (one well deserved kick in the ribs... did absolutely nothing to discourage him from being the biggest festival fuckhead)
HARLEY: MC Savage (that dickhead who hung around outside the Town Hall)
STARBUG: MC Savage (I can tell you where to stick that fucking video camera)

(35) Biggest Sad Sack:
RIMMER: Dave Taranto
HARLEY: Anthony Morgan who is looking sicker by the day!
STARBUG: Anthony Morgan

(36) Tiredest Looking Person At The Mooseheads:
RIMMER: Anthony Morgan (although tired and emotional would probably be the correct terminology)
HARLEY: Matt King
STARBUG: Judith Lucy

(37) Best Aerial Work:
RIMMER: Judith Lucy (closely followed by "Shame"imbanco)
HARLEY: Judith Lucy
STARBUG: Saltimbanco (on my day off) (Rimmer's comment: Day Off?! Call yourself a ComFest Queen?! *Forgets intentionally about own day off in the first week of Fest) (Starbug's comment: selective memory!) (Rimmer's comment: hey - I'm the only ComFest queen who only took the one day off.... maybe that explains the 3 varieties of Festival Flu!) (Harley's comment: didn't exactly plan to spend Tuesday night with Drew Carey - but my stomach pains got the better of me!) (Starbug's comment: I think I deserve special credit for dragging my arse out of bed to go & see two GNWs) (Rimmer's comment: excuses, excuses!)

(38) Best Bag:
RIMMER: Janet McLeod's groovy fish bag
HARLEY: Janet A. McLeod
STARBUG: Ditto

(39) Best Festival Memory:
RIMMER: Not telling! *Grins dreamily*
HARLEY: Doing Marty Sheargold routines with Wil Anderson in the Festival Club ("Wizz Fizz... Spoon... Wizz Fizz... Spoon" "What's going on there?!")
STARBUG: Rimmer's & Harley's not-so-private performance for Paul McDermott in the Peter Cook bar after Flacco and the Sandman (Rimmer's comment: Hey! If he's gonna look, then we're gonna give him something to look at! Besides, at least we didn't go the full pash this time! *Gives everyone something to think about*)

(40) Best Quotes For Next Year's Poster:
RIMMER: Dave Callan
HARLEY: Dave Callan
STARBUG: Dave Callan

(41) Best Accent:
RIMMER: Ed Byrne
HARLEY: Ed Byrne
STARBUG: Jeff Green

(42) The "Get That Thing Away From Me!" Award:
RIMMER: The contents of Craig Charles's underwear.
HARLEY: Craig Charles' huge dick (it would cleft me in twain)
STARBUG: Hurties hurties big dick hurties

(43) Best Result:
RIMMER: The Jacket Wavers' win in Celebrity Theatresports
HARLEY: Ditto
STARBUG: Sue Ann Post's Stella Victory

(44) The "Girl Power" Award:
RIMMER: Upfront 5
HARLEY: Upfront 5
STARBUG: Upfront 5

(45) Most Political:
RIMMER: Rod Quantok
HARLEY: Rod Quantok and Lynda Gibson
STARBUG: Lynda Gibson

(46) Best Staff Member:
RIMMER: The groovy gal on the merchandise table who nabbed me the Festival singlet from the ones reserved by the staff (a big sorry to whoever went to grab theirs, only to find that it wasn't there)
HARLEY: The guy at the bar!!! (Thanks for all the drinks)
STARBUG: The drunk staff member who thought that it looked like a white cat had been shagging Rimmer (Rimmer's comment: "you'd think that once they'd been killed, the bloody rabbits would stop shedding") (Rimmer's comment to the anti-fur lobby: hey, as Yon says, they were killed before 1960 so it doesn't count)

(47) Most Touching Moment:
RIMMER: Tripod's "Grapevine" at the Mooseheads
HARLEY: Tripod's "Grapevine"
STARBUG: Tripod's "Grapevine" (but - if it was as originally mistyped by Rimmer as the "moist touching moment", the close encounter between my finger and Lewis Schaffer's mouth - quote: "I wouldn't do that - God knows where it's been")

(48) Biggest Drinker - Male:
RIMMER: Anthony Morgan
HARLEY: Anthony Morgan
STARBUG: Anthony Morgan

(49) Biggest Drinker - Female:
RIMMER: Judith Lucy
HARLEY: Judith Lucy
STARBUG: Judith Lucy

(50) Worst Look:
RIMMER: An all too naked Sandman ("it makes me feel all yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck")
HARLEY: Greg Fleet's $800-00 suit teamed with the jumper full of holes)
STARBUG: Ted Robinson's ensemble of black, black and...... black

(51) Best Look:
RIMMER: Gatesy's tight stripy tee shirt and Paul McDermott's off stage style
HARLEY: Wil Anderson's Wilennium coat
STARBUG: Paul McDermott's shirts

(52) Best Body - Male:
RIMMER: Rove McManus, Paul McDermott and Gatesy
HARLEY: Gatesy
STARBUG: Paul McDermott (absolutely perfectly proportioned in every way)

(53) Best Body - Female:
RIMMER: Sue Ann Post's "elite athlete" physique
HARLEY: Yep, that's mine
STARBUG: That body was built to "chuck stuff"

(54) Best Slide Show:
RIMMER: Sue Ann Post's sumo slides
HARLEY: How can you go past James O'Loghlin?
STARBUG: Matt King's three slides

(55) Worst Fake ID:
RIMMER: James O'Loghlin (not a good idea to make yourself a year younger)
HARLEY: James O'Loghlin (great picture)
STARBUG: James O'Loghlin (you sure as hell wouldn't need a fake ID now...... ooops, I didn't mean that to sound as nasty as it does!)

(56) The "They'd Make A Great Couple" Award:
RIMMER: Kim Hope and Adam Richard
HARLEY: Kim and Adam
STARBUG: Judith Lucy and Anthony Morgan (til drink do they part)

(57) Most Gratuitous Use Of An Audience Member:
RIMMER: Happy Dave - Paul McDermott and Rich Hall in the "That Happy Days (Dave?) are Here Again" Debate
HARLEY: Phil Kaye pouring water onto two unfortunately incontinent girls' seats
STARBUG: Rimmer's close encounter with Andrea Powell (Rimmer's comment: For God's sake.... if I'm gonna be felt up by a comedian, you think that it would at least be a male one!)

(58) Best Prop:
RIMMER: Peter Berner's Mallet ("mallet boy"!)
HARLEY: Lynda Gibson's giant photo of Jeff Kennett ("it's lucky they put his name on there, because every time I look at it I just think - ooh! Brad Pitt!")
STARBUG: Lynda Gibson's weird back massager thingy

(59) Scariest:
RIMMER: Greg Fleet
HARLEY: Greg Fleet
STARBUG: Greg Fleet

(60) Most Amusing Costume Mishap:
RIMMER: "We've Not Been Ourselves In Outer Space" - the spontaneous plastic erection of Lawrence Mooney
HARLEY: mmmm that's mine - the plastic dick
STARBUG: Denise Scott poppin' out of her dress every night

(61) Best Athlete:
RIMMER: Sue Ann Post ("elite athlete" - can't wait to see the comedians barracking on the sidelines)
HARLEY: Sue Ann Post (postie postie she's our lesbian...)
STARBUG: Sue Ann Post (if you're going to throw, throw like a girl)

(62) Most Annoying Audience:
RIMMER: The drunken idiots in Lyn Ferguson (thank god they were kicked out) the audience that just didn't get Waiting For Munro (it's always fun when you're the only person laughing) and the complete fuckheads in Good News Week (could have sworn several car alarms went off each night and some people have an interesting concept of "love")
HARLEY: Good News Week (if one more twelve year old screams in my ear......)
STARBUG: Mandy Nolan (bogan city)

(63) Best Audience:
RIMMER: G-Strings and Jock Straps - Sue Ann Post
HARLEY: Model Citizen - Otis Lee Crenshaw (an audience full of Cheeseshoppers can't be a bad thing)
STARBUG: Everybody who went out to Trades Hall to see something, because they went out of their way to see comedy!

(64) Best/Most Interesting Hair-do:
RIMMER: Janet McLeod
HARLEY: Janet
STARBUG: Tanya Bulmer's sparkly do

(65) Worst Hair:
RIMMER: Arj Barker (What the......???) See, the worry is that I think he thinks it's really sexy......
HARLEY: Yon's sticking up thing
STARBUG: Simon Munnery

(66) Best Dancer:
RIMMER: Adam Richard
HARLEY: Gatesy and his drunken raving
STARBUG: Fiona Scott Norman (it's amazing that something that tall and skinny can actually get out on the dance floor)

(67) The "Living In The Past" Award:
RIMMER: Tripod (somewhere in the early eighties) and Craig Charles (well, at least his jokes are - then again, maybe it should be living three million odd years into the future when they're all new again!))
HARLEY: Tripod
STARBUG: Sue Ann Post (so much material has been mined from her past)

(68) Best Audience Interaction:
RIMMER: Rich Hall (thanks for the serenade, Rich!) and Tripod (we're the "zoo animals" [to be said in a "we're the two men" tone of voice]! Just call me "bunny girl")
HARLEY: Lynn Ferguson
STARBUG: Adam Richard (no-one reads out the stars like he does!)

(69) Most Interesting Mental Image:
RIMMER: Peter Berner Choc-a-bloc up the Pope (I don't think I want to know what goes on in that man's mind)
HARLEY: ditto
STARBUG: ditto again

(70) The "Getting Into It Entirely Too Much Award":
RIMMER: Gatesy for his ant and Rove McManus for his quest for David Hasselhoff viewing
HARLEY: Gatesy being an ant
STARBUG: Shame and the Kris Kross pants

(71) Best Bit Of Bitching:
RIMMER: Janei Anderson re:/ Julia Morris' shitness and Lynda Gibson and Denise Scott re:/ Judith Lucy's popularity. Oh, and me and Harley in the Peter Cook Bar every night. "Did you knit that yourself???"
HARLEY: Janei Anderson having a good ol' complain to someone in the bar about Julia Morris' lack of preparation for "Them's Fightin' Words".
STARBUG: The Young comedy fraternity's attitude towards Darryl Somers - bitchiness across the board) (Harley's comment: come on! Schultzy's a sex god!)

(72) Best Pose:
RIMMER: Judith Lucy's "arm over head" during the "Comedy Is Not Pretty" dance sequence and Adam Richard's drunken leg kicking on the couch in the "comedians' room" at Festival Club. (Actually, I didn't really see this myself as I was otherwise occupied at the time, but the mental image is a good 'un)
HARLEY: Adam Richard hanging over the back of the couch in Festival Club, yelling "Kimmy! Kim, look at me! Look at me. Kimmy! *Giggles uncontrollably*"
STARBUG: Some of the stuff they did in "Shameimbanco".

(73) Most Irritating:
RIMMER: Julia Morris (even the other comedians think she's fucked)
HARLEY: The screamers who wouldn't shut up whenever Paul McDermott walked on stage. He's not that funny that he doesn't have to say anything!
STARBUG: Denise Drysdale in Celebrity Theatresports. Russell and Glynn's major handicap......

(74) Biggest Jokie:
RIMMER: "Ally McBeal" (hate her, hate her, hate her...) -> the chick who tried to pick up Gatesy, then Wil, then Rove, then Gatesy, then Wil...... and has the nerve to give me greasies all the time!!! (Perfection is so threatening to some people......)
HARLEY: Those girls who were trying to be like the Spice Girls in Peter Cook Bar...only succeeded in picking up these really gross forty year olds...although the Posh one wasn't letting Ged Wood go without a fight!
STARBUG: Ally McBeal

(75) Most Pathetic Review:
RIMMER: The Age, 25-04-1999 "Applause" review of "G-Strings and Jockstraps" which said that Postie was a good chance to represent Australia in the shot put. Shows how much attention they paid to the show!
HARLEY: I didn't read any! Reviews...bah! (Rimmer's comment: I didn't read any either! But that one's notoriety meant that it came to my attention!)
STARBUG: Anything that was in the Herald Sun (hey, wait a minute...... did they actually review anything? Was this a case of sponsorship envy?)

(76) The "Always Around" Award:
RIMMER: Adam Hills (oh well, he scored a Kim Hope out of the whole thing!)
HARLEY: Was there a time we didn't see Adam Hills in Peter Cook?? (Rimmer's Comment: no.)
STARBUG: Two of the Four Noels, walking around in their costume jackets, trying to get attention. (Rimmer's comment: wonder what happened to the other one?)

(77) The "Taking Lewis Schaffer Too Seriously" Award:
RIMMER: Janet McLeod and a hell of a lot of other people.
HARLEY: I thought of all people, Janet would have been the first to catch on! Although, her comments were funny for a different reason at Upfront 5 - considering Lewis was in the audience!
STARBUG: Harley when she first encountered him! (Harley's comment: I didn't know who he was then - to me he was just this weirdo American offering money to young ladies! Ew!)

(78) Best Chair:
RIMMER: Margaret Scott's bubble wrap moderator's chair in the Good News Week Debate.
HARLEY: The chairs in the Council Chambers....ahh, they pull out, and they're soooooo comfy!
STARBUG: Any chair in the Peter Cook bar - even the wallflower seats! (Rimmer's comment: worth their weight in gold.... and a table!!!)

(79) The "Not Gay" Award:
RIMMER: Lewis Schaffer.
HARLEY: Lewis Schaffer (Not Gay)
STARBUG: Well, I wonder......

(80) Most Unnecessary Prop:
RIMMER: Adam Richard's hair drying towel in "Disgrace".
HARLEY: Rove's Comedy Festival Staff T-Shirt in "Waiting For Munro". Look, you'd have to be pretty out of it to think he was an actual staff member. (Rimmer's comment: the most interesting thing about that was that he was still wearing the shirt at "Shame" on the day after Fest finished.... wonder who hadn't made it home the night before....)
STARBUG: Postie's bra - she really didn't need to be wearing it at the show - she was just wearing it to show off!

(81) Best Badge:
RIMMER: "Lewis Schaffer Not Gay" -> I WANT one!!! Can't wait to hear about how he reacted to the badge that was planted on an audience member in Perth by Rove!
HARLEY: I want the badge! Considering I gave him the idea, I deserve one!!
STARBUG: Me too! Me too!

(82) Best Anthem:
RIMMER: Adam Hills' "Advance Australia Fair" to the tune of "Working Class Man".
HARLEY: If that doesn't become Australia's new National Anthem, I'm leaving the country. (Rimmer's comment: don't forget to write!)
STARBUG: That rocks! *Takes her shirt off and throws water all over Rimmer's bedroom*

(83) Best Use Of A Mop:
RIMMER: Anthony Morgan at the Mooseheads.
HARLEY: Anthony Morgan's drunken rambling with the Mop after Adam Hills' water tossing at the Mooseheads.
STARBUG: Anthony Morgan - perfect comedic foil......

(84) Bravest:
RIMMER: Adam Richard for mudcake wrestling with Miss Itchy -> and even eating some.
HARLEY: Miss Itchy - for actually going out in public in those outfits.
STARBUG: Me! For actually going out with (and being seen in the company of) the other two! (Help! I'm being kept in this house against my own will!)

(85) Biggest "Character":
RIMMER: Lewis Schaffer. Not Gay. No, really!
HARLEY: Lewis Schaffer, not gay my arse.
STARBUG: How does Lewis Schaffer get a woman pregnant? Scrapes the semen off a young boy's back. (Rimmer's comment: Ba-bam!)

(86) The "Is He Really Only Thirty-Three":
RIMMER: James O'Loghlin.
HARLEY: James O'Loghlin
STARBUG: Poor old James.... (hey, why should I have any sympathy for him? He's got his own TV show!!!)

(87) Funkiest Suits:
RIMMER: Jeff Green.
HARLEY: Jeff Green - they're tartan!
STARBUG: He looked like a giant pencil case!!!

(88) Best Use Of Women's Magazines:
RIMMER: Adam Richard. Which other comedian is considerate enough to read out your stars for you?!
HARLEY: Adam Richard - "Oliva Newton-One Boob". So cruel, but just sooooo funny!
STARBUG: Adam Richard - "Don't we love the little dead girl?" *in reference to JonBenet*

(89) Best Use Of P.V.C:
RIMMER: Kim Hope.
HARLEY: Kim Hope.
STARBUG: How did she zip that thing up?

(90) Most Gratuitous Use Of David Hasselhoff:
RIMMER: Rove McManus. (The real worry is that it prompted Harley and myself to go on a search for the movie "Witchcraft". To anyone thinking about following in our footsteps...... don't bother!)
HARLEY: Rove in "Shame". Watching the opening titles of "Baywatch The Movie" has haunted me ever since... Pammy runs up... Pammy runs down.... Pammy runs up...
STARBUG: Rove obviously....... who else would use David Hasselhoff? (Rimmer's comment: it was a dare, remember!)

(91) Best Comedic "Find":
RIMMER: The "I'm Your Man - Jesus" pamphlet Harley and I found outside Hungry Jacks late one Festival Night (the 23rd, I believe!). It's since been getting a lot of use by Rove...... as long as he keeps acknowledging the fact that it was my find, then that's okay. The biggest worry is that the website on the pamphlet was http://www.TheFamily.com
HARLEY: Oh, the Jesus pamphlet...... what kind of degenerates hang around Hungry Jacks after twelve?? (Rimmer's comment: ummmmm...... that would be us, wouldn't it?)
STARBUG: That website is scary.

(92) Most Expensive:
RIMMER: The Alcohol. The first couple of months after ComFest are known in the industry as "Detox" for a very good reason.
HARLEY: Good News Week! How shitty would you be if you were up the back, paying full price??
STARBUG: The Mooseheads cost the most...... but were well and truly worth it.

(93) Best Festival Conversation:
RIMMER: The one with Adam Richard about Gatesy's new pants and the desirability of their contents, and the one in "The Courthouse" (you'll know where I'm talking about if you come from Warragul!) after the Warragul leg of the Comedy Festival Roadshow when the comedians (Gatesy, Yon, Wil Anderson, Peter Helliar, Corinne Grant, Matt King & Keith Robinson) and crew were working out who would play them in the movie if their plane to Albury crashed and they all died......
HARLEY: "Big Nose" (I can't remember his name) monopolizing my time for an hour and a half trying desperately (and unsuccessfully) to pick me up. It's amazing what some people will say to try and get a root!
STARBUG: The one that Rimmer had with Rove about her homework. (Rimmer's comment: could someone please tell me exactly what I said?!!!) (Starbug's comment: no - we'd rather let you suffer)

(94) Best Autograph:
RIMMER: Rove McManus and Peter Helliar autographing Adam Hills' groin. Long story. And yes, there was alcohol involved.
HARLEY: Lewis Schaffer on Starbug's ticket..."Steph makes me Stiff". Not gay.
STARBUG: Ted Robinson. That man is a "dead-set legend"

(95) Worst Placed Audience Shot:
RIMMER: The one of us right after the bit in Good News Week about pregnant school children. Oh, and the one of us on E! News. I'm so mortified.
HARLEY: We were on E! News. I'm so mortified too. *Hangs head in shame* (just don't tell anyone that I watch it religiously) (Rimmer's comment: she watches ET too......) (Harley's comment: it's good!) (Rimmer's comment: ummmmm..... okaaaaay......) (Starbug's comment: you just like Richard Wilkins) (Harley's comment: no. I like Eden Gaha. Vidiot rools!)
STARBUG: You turn on the TV, you expect to see Donna Gubay, and you see yourself! (Rimmer's comment: What's up with that?!!!) (Starbug's comment: What's going on there?!) (Harley's comment: Donna Gubay - who the fuck is she?!!)

(96) Best Spruiking:
RIMMER: Lewis Schaffer...... ably assisted on various occasions by Rimmer and Harley.
HARLEY: Lewis Schaffer...with me, freaking out those two guys.
STARBUG: Lewis Schaffer.

(97) Most Unaware Of Their Own Attractiveness:
RIMMER: Gatesy. How?
HARLEY: Gatesy...he has no clue of just how cute he is!!
STARBUG: Gatesy - what was the theory again, guys? He's gay?

(98) The "I Can't Believe He's Only Twenty-Three" Award:
RIMMER: Peter Helliar.
HARLEY: Peter Helliar
STARBUG: Peter Helliar. Poor man.

(99) Best Festival Catch Phrases:
RIMMER: Rich Hall-> "Shot in the (fucking) head"
Judith Lucy-> "You do the math"
Peter Berner-> "Choc-a-bloc"
Greg Fleet-> "Mucking about with me ball-bag"
Shame-> "Schultzy!!!"
Everybody-> "Lewis Schaffer, Not Gay"
HARLEY: Schultzy! (Daryl Somers) - from the Shame"ers, and everybody's favourite - "Lewis Schaffer, Not Gay"
STARBUG: Of course the Lewis Schaffer not homosexual thing. And "See the shiny thing? You like it, don't you!" - League Against Tedium. And all of the above.

(100) The "You Guys See Too Many Shows" Award:
RIMMER: The ComFest Queens. When the staff, cameramen and comedians all know you and ask who you're seeing that night, and even the comedians start saying "you see too many shows" then you know that you've had a successful Comedy Festival. Roll on March 31st, 2000!!!
HARLEY: Well, us three of course. And the fact that we paid for all our shows!! It gets a bit much when comedians are saying "You guys see too many shows!". And the Channel Ten camera man recognised us. Thank God there's Cheeseshop to keep us going!
STARBUG: Us of course. We even impressed the immovable Dave Taranto. (Harley's comment: Ol' Gappy, himself) (Starbug's comment: Get well soon, Dave)

RIP Dave, December 1999

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