Overall, I'm just sick of being so overweight that I forget that I even have a gender. I'm turning 21 in late December and I want to finally become that typical 21 year old girl who parties the night away since that is the "cool thing to do". I'd like to be photogenic when I'm throwing up in a garbage can. *Just Kidding*
But Seriously...
The fashion in the plus sized department did very well for awhile, but now it seems to be all crap again. I can't wear this stuff! I'm 20, not 50! Also, you end up spending more on plus sized clothing because sale prices are never really that great. Shopping in a limited amount of stores makes me feel very alientated from the rest of the world. It is my own fault if I do not change my circumstances. Nobody can do this for me.
Finally, health reasons are a major factor as well. My mother is obese herself and at her age, is just a mess. She's diabetic and she "sleep eats" horrible stuff like chocolate bars all the time. My father is in such bad condition that the doctors told him six years ago now that only half of his heart is still functioning! Since then, it has reduced to 1/4 of his heart. Genetics is stacked against me and I'm not going down to obesity without kicking and screaming.
WHY AM I FOCUSING ON IT LIKE A LASER BEAM?
First of all, I just happen to be unemployed. I had to quit my last job because for once I listened to my instinct about getting out of a bad situation. I'm mad at myself for quitting my other jobs because of my low-esteem, but I'm mad at my last boss for treating me & the others very rudely. I do not need money that bad yet.
But I digress... I decided to focus this semester on my 13 credit hours and I made my schedule so that I may workout pretty much everyday. I have much opportunity to actually go for once.
I stay focused because it helps me remember how much of a dedicated person I can be and it boosts my confidence to a level I never knew existed. I'm not tired from lugging myself around anymore. It's impossible for me to brood.
Sometimes I get spooked out because I realize it is a whole other person. I say to myself, "What is this? Am I a poser now?" This "other person" was always me whether it was trapped under an empty shell of a person or not.
WHY AM I POSTING IT ONLINE?
There are so many people in this world who know EXACTLY how I feel. Obese people are no longer hated just by the brash "normies" of the world, but now we're part of the ugly political machine. They laugh at our "frivolous" lawsuits (the manner in which some have been presented is the only thing I see as frivolous) and then they make motions that would punish the obese. Higher taxes for the obese because they are causing health problems. What about making gym memberships (w/ proof of some attendance) a tax write off? Now that's an incentive!
I've browsed many weight loss journal websites, and only a minority of them stay updated. In addition, the ones that stay updated are by those who had a form of weight-loss surgery where the odds of their success is greatly increased.
I greatly admire those who had the courage to go through a procedure that doesn't look like much fun at all, but I'm just a person losing weight the normal way. I wan't people to know it can be done! None of us should spend one more moment of our lives just wishing we were dead. We deserve our lives and rights as human beings too.
WHAT'S THE ULTIMATE GOAL?
I need to have a BMI of 29 to be considered overweight, but no longer obese. I started this diet with a BMI of 40! Therefore, I need to lose a total of 72 pounds. This is obviously a project that needs to go beyond my birthday, but hopefully, I will have met the halfway mark by then. If it doesn't happen, that is not going to stop doing something that is now natural for me.
DO I THINK & TALK ABOUT OTHER THINGS?
Yes! Keep watching for updates on my page where I expand to the other topics and issues that face my life. This ranges from puppies, to stand-up comedy, hanging out with friends, hopes for my near future, etc, etc, etc. I'm not on the "lobotomy diet". This is just my best fit for helping out society. Some work in soup kitchens and others are wanna-be lobbyists for the obese community.
