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| HELLO!!!! |
| Oh, yeah, hi. As I'm sure you're aware, I am rap-metal shoutsperson Fred Durst, lead growler and general gutural noise maker of popular group Limp Bizkit. I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself, and hopefully convince you that rap-metal is not shit. |
| During the course of my heady career as a professional idiot, I have had many wonderous adventures, and met lots of marvelous people. Here I am trying to teach Eminem how to gesture rudely to the camera. As you can see, he's having a little trouble with the move, but I'm sure he'll get there with a little practice. |
| Behind us is a giant incinerator into which we are about to put those Slim Shady wannabes you see in the background. That was some day! |
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| Look at this wanker! He's just thrown his arm around me, as if we were best mates, and got on the blower to his missus to tell him he's cuddling Fred Durst. You can see in the picture I'm biding my time. Moments later, I anihilated this weirdo with my gift for yelling loudly. I growled so loudly at him, he just disintegrated. RRRROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!! A bit like that. |
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| This interviewer has just asked me a particularly difficult question. As you see, I'm struggling to come up with an answer. I got there in the end, though, but unfortunately no-one could understand what I was saying. I don't even know what I said. |
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| Here I am looking particularly athletic. And intellectual. Actually, I'm a bit out of breath. I'm just recovering from a particulalry inspired piece of vocal gymnastics, coupled with some great lyrical dexterity. If I remember rightly, I went "GGGGGGRRRRRRRRAAAAARRRGGGGGGHHH!" Exquisite, I think you'll agree. Perhaps I should let you all in on my secret. I was raised by gorillas. They taught me everything I need to know about rap-metal. |
| Oh yeah, rap-metal, that's what I was going to talk about. I haven't got long left, so I'll keep it brief. Basically, detractors of the genre often criticise the poor way in which we play our instruments. What they fail to realise is that this is not metal, it is RAP-metal, where the emphasis is not on musical accomplishment. Equally, many are quick to criticise the rapping as "shite". What these poor fools can't grasp is that we perform rap-METAL, and so simply shouting lyrics is OK. Basically, we manage to take the best elements of each musical style, and completely dispense with them, leaving the stage free for mindless shouting and simplistic guitar thrashing. I love you all. The Durstster xxx |