Singapore

Our 10 hour flight to Singapore gets us there about 9pm on the 26th December. After about 5 days respite from the rain in New Zealand, the rain has started again in Singapore. We were expecting this though, as it's the rainy season at the moment.

Our hotel room in the Little India area of the city is clean, but extremely small. In contrast to the hostels we've stayed in over the last three months, there aren't any other backpackers around - it seems to be more a place for Indian tourists to stay. I'm woken about 5am with a man singing, seemingly right outside our window. In the morning we spot a mosque a few hundred yards away and realise that it was a prayer call. Conor says "I hope this is a taste of things to come in Asia", but I'd be happier to have an uninterrupted sleep.

The rain is very heavy as we set out to explore the city. Fortunately it's not all that hot, even though we're so close to the equator. Many of the buildings have covered areas in front so there is plenty of shelter. However, the Singapore preoccupation with the clean and the brand new works against us at one stage when we attempt to come down steps out into the rain. Rather than being concrete, the steps are sparkling white tiles, and the water has made them into a skating rink. Both Conor and I go flying. While I manage to grab the handrail and save myself, Conor rattles down a few steps landing on his wrist and seems to be in a lot of pain.

We then decide to seek the shelter of a shopping centre and make our way to Orchard Road, the main shopping street. With Conor's arm in a sling, we have lunch at KFC (comfort food for the big man) and then move on up Orchard Road, dashing from one shopping mall to another. I have never seen so many shops and malls in my life; I wouldn't be surprised if this is the largest concentration of shops in the world.

As darkness falls the rain is still torrential, so we jump into the nearest pub, which turns out to be a meeting place for ex-pats. And so, in a city noted for the quality and variety of its Asian food, we follow up our KFC lunch with pizza for dinner!

When we get back to our room we discover that the roof is leaking and some of our stuff has been soaked. Not a great first day in Asia.

Next morning it's not raining but the sky looks very dirty, so off we go again armed with our waterproofs. However, it doesn't take long before the skies clear and we see Singapore in the sun. What a difference! We take a boat trip down the river, past the skyscrapers in the CBD to the statue of the Merlion which guards the entrance to the river. We then take a trolley tour which is useless because there's no commentary; it's really just a tour of the city's hotels!

We take a stroll into Chinatown for lunch where I have a bowl of laksa - a spicy fish soup. An Asian meal at last! Like the Little India area where we are staying, I'm sort of surprised that Chinatown is not particularly clean. After all, we've been told by many people that the whole city is spotless, but this is just not true.

After lunch we can't resist the lure of the shops, so it's back to the clean, spanking new part of town, and another of these huge malls.

Next day is Saturday and the last day of our brief stop in Singapore. I decide to opt for a spot of culture and go to the Singapore History Museum. Parts of it are very interesting, and I make a mental note to try to learn a little more about the history of the countries we are visiting.

We leave Singapore on the 4pm bus for Melaka in Malaysia. The bus takes about an hour to get out of Singapore; I hadn't realised just how big the island is. We pass huge housing schemes on our way through the island; Singapore doesn't look a particularly nice place to live.

Malaysia

We get off the bus twice to negotiate red tape at the border, first in Singapore and then again once we cross the bridge into Malaysia. To enter Malaysia we have to take our luggage off the bus and carry it through customs and immigration, yet there is no customs check at all, and I enter the country with my customs declaration still inside my passport.

As we are on a well-beaten tourist track, I expected that there would be other backpackers around, but we are the only westerners on the bus. When we have a quick stop at a roadhouse we are the only white people there as well. This is maybe a little worrying; perhaps most travellers are giving the predominantly Moslem Malaysia a miss due to the "war on terror". However, there can't be too much anti-American sentiment, as Britney is blaring from the sound system in the road house!

Melaka (Malacca)

We arrive in Melaka around 8pm and are led to Shirah's Guest House by Said, one of the guys who works there. Shirah's is run by Moslems, and so one of the rules is that you have to take your shoes off before going inside. The boss appears to be a guy from Pakistan called Gool. I have a chat to him, and despite his friendliness, there appears to be a little anti-western sentiment bubbling in him. This is confirmed when a fellow guest from Japan tells me "Gool likes Osama"!

On Sunday we set off to explore Melaka. The town was a major trading port in the 15th century (in fact the whole of Malaysia was at one time referred to as Melaka) and it was later taken over by the Portugese, the Dutch and the British. Our first stop is at the remains of a Portugese fort, following which we climb the hill to the ruined St Paul's Church. Conor says "It's good to see you in a Catholic Church Davie", but on reading more we discover that it was converted to Protestantism a couple of hundred years ago.

The old town is very small and consists of red buildings including the town hall and church and a short street. This area is supposed to be the main attraction for tourists but I'm a little disappointed. Further up the road we see a church with a service going on. There's a crowd of people watching the service from outside, so we decide to cross the road for a closer look. For the first time we realise just how much traffic there is in the town. It takes over 5 minutes for a big enough break in the traffic, as cars and motorbikes pour down the road. Later in the evening, we're back at exactly the same spot and wait just as long to cross the road. This time we're going to the "Loony Planet" pub next door, and we are even more determined that we'll make it across!

On Monday we go over to the other side of the river to Chinatown, an area which certainly has loads of character, as well as the expected heavy traffic. One of the main streets is full of antique shops and Conor buys himself a set of Chinese coins, while I'm satisfied with picking up a few postcards.

In contrast to the narrow, old, dirty streets of Chinatown (and indeed most of the town), near our guesthouse are situated the huge (20 storey?) 5 star Equatorial Hotel, and a big modern shopping mall. These seem very out of place, but as I ease into life in Asia, it's nice to wander through the mall and imagine I could be anywhere in the western world!

Today is Hogmanay (or New Year's Eve for the uninitiated), and we have spent the last couple of days scoping out an appropriate place for our New Year celebrations. From our guest house, and from wandering around town, it is obvious that there's a lack of backpackers around. It would be nice to spend New Year with westerners, and we head into town to check out the three bars we have identified as likely candidates. First we try the Loony Planet, but there's nothing going on there, so we try the other two. In total in the three bars there are about 6 white people, and as you'd think any westerner would be out on the town, we conclude that we're virtually the only backpackers in the whole town! We settle on the Loony Planet as our best bet for a bit of fun. There's a rather dodgy band playing, and after a few drinks we get into the party atmosphere. The locals are getting into the party atmosphere too, despite the fact that most are Moslem and their religion doesn't allow them to drink. We are given a party pack by the bar staff. This consists of a kazoo (which I use to play along with the band, improving their sound enormously), a temporary tatoo (which Conor puts on his bald head), and one of those blow up thingys (which come in very handy to bash Conor's aforementioned bald head). When midnight comes there's an interesting rendition of Auld Lang Syne, and I fight a losing battle to teach the locals to hold hands in the right way at the right time. We get some smiles by wishing people Happy New Year using the one phrase we've learned in Malay - Selamat Tahun Baru.

New Year's Day is spent in the manner it was designed for - recovering from the night before. Conor stayed out later than I did, and has a correspondingly bigger headache. He's delighted to discover that despite being so drunk, he remembered to take his shoes off at the door when he got home last night!

On the 2nd, we spend our last half day in Melaka taking a boat trip along the river. The guide is very interesting, and we see some parts of town it would have been good to explore. We resolve to take tours when we arrive in a town in future and not as we're about to leave.

Kuala Lumpur

The bus to Kuala Lumpur is roomy and air-conditioned, and not what you might imagine of public transport in Asia. And in fact, the road system is fantastic. All the way from Singapore up to KL is a 6 lane motorway/highway of equal standard to those in the UK (and far better than the ones around Boston!).

On arrival in Kuala Lumpur we check into a hostel opposite the bus station and head off to explore the local area - Chinatown. Here we discover a couple of streets with tightly packed market stalls selling everything you can imagine - clothes, CDs, watches, etc - and none of it the genuine article I imagine.

We're not overly comfortable in the immediate area around our hostel as there are a lot of dodgy characters around, so we don't waste much time getting back to the hostel. We relax on the rooftop beer garden with a view of the Petronas Towers, tallest buildings in the world.

On Thursday we explore more of the city and aren't overly impressed. The highlight is probably Merdeka Square, with its huge flagpole (the tallest in the world apparently) sporting the national flag. Aside from that, we spend a little time relaxing in a park, and then seek refuge from the heat in a rather boring museum.

Next day we head over to the modern part of the city - the Golden Triangle - to visit the Petronas Towers. Probably because they aren't straight-sided, they don't seem nearly as imposing as the World Trade Center towers were. I'm disappointed to discover that you can't go up to the top of the towers, but only to the Skybridge which links them part of the way up. The view isn't that great from there, as you can only see in two directions, and there aren't even any helpful signs to tell you what you're looking at.

At the bottom of the towers is a huge shopping mall containing many shops you'd see in the UK and US. A visit to Marks and Spencer sees me kitted out with some new underwear!

Next I head to the KL Tower, a telecommunications tower which is 5th highest tower in the world and bizarrely is actually higher than the nearby tallest buildings in the world! This is a much better experience than the Petronas Towers as there is a 360 degree view and plenty of audio and visual commentry explaining the geography and history of the city. Having had my appetite for learning whetted, I follow this up with a visit to the National History Museum. It's obviously not a very popular tourist destination as I am only the fourth visitor of the day!

Back in the hostel at night, we actually get talking to some fellow travellers for the first time since we came to Asia. I really am missing Australia and New Zealand!

Taman Negara

We have made the decision to take a 4 day trip into the Taman Negara rainforest, which is on the east side of Malaysia. This is a bit risky, as it's monsoon season on the east coast just now, and we have heard stories of tremendous floods in the last few days. Despite this, we've been told by tourist information that it should be worthwhile. After a 4 hour bus ride to Kuala Tembeling, we're taken up the river in a small wooden boat which holds about 8 people. This takes just under 3 hours and gives us a chance to relax and enjoy the scenery after the hustle and bustle of the big city. On our trip up river, we can see silty deposits on the lower branches of the trees showing us that the river has recently been about 4 metres higher than it is just now. When we arrive at our destination - Nusa Camp - we discover that their restaurant was washed away in the recent floods which were the worst since 1971!

My main worry about the trip is dispelled at dinner. The food is good and more importantly, the portions are more than generous! However, it looks as if we're going to be a little lonely here, as there are only another 5 people in the "resort" and 3 of them are leaving tomorrow. The other 2 people who will be staying on with us are a 57-year-old French couple who tend not to talk much English, mainly because the man, Andre, doesn't speak it! It's just as well I've brought a good book with me.

After dinner we meet Maleui, a local from just down-river at Kuala Tahan. He's going to be our guide for the next few days and tonight he's taking us on a night jungle walk. This is interesting and we see quite a lot of nocturnal wildlife, mainly insects.

In the morning we do some cave exploration at Gua Telinga. You wouldn't want to be claustraphobic, as the caves are a tight squeeze at times and we have to crawl through some narrow gaps. The main feature of the caves is the hundreds of bats, some of them flying around, but most of them just hanging upside down from the roof. We also see a catfish, and on exit from the cave I find a couple of leeches sucking at my ankles!

After lunch we hike to the Abai waterfall. This is a reasonably challenging hike as it involves a few awkward river crossings, and it doesn't help that it's pouring with rain. When we get there, the waterfall itself is a disappointment, but Maleui explains that the pool is 4 metres higher than usual due to the floods, so we've lost 4 metres of waterfall.

After dinner we watch some FA Cup football on the telly. It seems all wrong that the jungle is equipped with satellite TV!

Next morning we're off on another hike, this time up the Warisan Hill. Again this is fairly challenging but the views over the rainforest from the top are more rewarding than yesterday's waterfall. I hear what sounds like some sort of machinery and then from over the hill appear a pair of birds, with the macine-like noise coming from their wings. According to Maleui, these are hornbills and a sight any serious bird watcher would be excited by.

In the afternoon it's off to the rainforest canopy walk, which at 450m long is the longest of its kind in the world. It's essentially a series of rope suspension bridges connecting platforms near the top of the trees. With my fear of heights it's a rather daunting experience, as the bridges are not exactly stable. However, I'm proud that I manage to do it, and it's interesting to see the jungle from the tree tops. We were hoping to see a lot of birdlife up here, but there are no birds at all. Conor jokes that the canopy is representative of Malaysia as a whole!

We also visit a nomadic tribal village, where the people obviously live a very basic lifestyle. However, they seem to have plenty contact with tourists, as they have a selection of blowpipes for sale.

Next day it's time to head back to civilisation, and we reverse our journey back down the river, and back on the bus to Kuala Lumpur

KL reprise (or how to spend all your money in one go)

Back in KL, what a difference from the tranquility of the rainforest. Loads of cars, buses and motorbikes intent on running you down. Dirty, smelly streets with open sewers. The same cast of strange people in the streets. And back to our hot, sweaty hostel. But having said that, we're more comfortable here now than when we first arrived. After our first western meal in over a week and a trip to the market to buy a couple of CDs, we decide to sample the nightlife in Bangsar, about a 15 minute taxi ride from the town centre.

Considering it's Tuesday night, Bangsar is buzzing. There are a couple of streets of bars and restaurants and we choose what looks like the best bar. When you can get a decent meal for 10 Ringit, a night's accomodation for 8, and a CD for 5, it's a bit upsetting to be charged 48 Ringit for a jug of beer! It doesn't put us off though and after a few rounds we get chatting to three English girls who are in transit through KL. They are staying in the Golden Triangle and they suggest that we share a cab back into town and check out the nightclub scene there.

And so we find ourselves going into the nightclub underneath the Rennaisance Hotel. Four smartly dressed Malay girls usher us inside. The place is pristine - marble columns, mirrored walls, plants and waterfalls. But there are only two other people in the whole club. In contrast, at the bar there are 10 bow-tied barmen rushing to take our order and supply us with bowls of crisps. After one barman pours my vodka + orange, another turns the glass so it looks more aesthetically pleasing on top of the bar. When we all have our drinks we go to grab a table, but when one of the bar staff informs us that it costs 5 Ringit extra to sit at a table we retreat back to the bar.

When the bill arrives we're stunned that it comes to 390 Ringit between the 5 of us. My drink costs 30 Ringit, then they've charged us 11 Ringit entry each, and also charged us for the crisps which I've been happily scoffing. So the one drink has effectively cost me 45 Ringit!

All in all, I've spent about 200 Ringit tonight. This is more than I'll spend on accomodation in three weeks in Malaysia! At around 4 Ringit to the dollar this is about $50 for a night out, which isn't too bad. But it feels like I've spent a small fortune!

Cameron Highlands

Next day we leave Kuala Lumpur (in search of an ATM?). We take a bus to Tanah Rata in the Cameron Highlands, a journey of about 6 hours. In contrast to our recent bus trips, this bus is older and a bit cramped, and a little uncomfortable as it climbs the winding road into the mountains, spending half the time on the wrong side of the road.

We stay in a place called Daniel's Lodge, and we're delighted to rediscover the backpacker "culture" which has been missing from most of our time in Asia up 'til now. Our hostel is an ideal place to get chatting to a few people, and we spend a relaxing 4 days here without making the effort to do very much. Daniel's has a large collection of VCDs (video CDs). I'd never heard of VCDs before I came to Malaysia (they aren't DVDs) and going by the dodgy quality of some of them it looks as if it must be easy enough to copy a video onto CD with the right equipment. Two CDs are needed to store one film and when the first CD ends, the picture either freezes or just goes blank. You'd think I'd learn, but at this point I always think "Oh no, the thing's broken down again"!

One morning we take a tour of the surrounding countryside led by our guide Mr Singh ("My name is Raji Singh, but you can call me Mr Singh"). He takes us to a Buddhist temple, a strawberry farm and a butterfly farm, but more importantly to a tea plantation which was founded by a Scot. And next afternoon we go on one of the jungle walks which surround the town. From the top we get an excellent view of the jungle-covered mountain peaks of the area. The trail is not very well marked and we take a wrong turning on the way back down bringing us through a tribal village, with small wooden houses with tin roofs. Fortunately the locals don't seem too worried about us cutting through their back gardens.

In our time in Asia so far we've been adapting to Asian toilets. Most toilets in the places we've stayed have been western-style toilets. The only difference is that rather than provide toilet paper, there's a hose, and you're expected to use the hose like a bidet. However, without a towel to dry yourself off, surely this leaves you with a wet bum? We don't see any Malaysians walking around with a wet bum, so there must be some sort of trick involved. But without knowing the trick, we copy the average traveller and never go to the bathroom without being armed with some toilet paper. Now comes the next difference. Often, the plumbing is not designed to cope with paper, so there's a small bin provided to put your used toilet paper in. This leads to rather smelly toilets.

In Daniel's Lodge we take the next step, as most of the toilets are squats. So there's no relaxing as you sit on the toilet; on the contrary it's a rather stressful experience. And I haven't yet managed to squat in a position where's there's no danger of my trousers getting in the way, so every time I go to the toilet I have to almost completely undress. This is not very practical if you're in a hurry, so I'll have to develop a better technique!

Penang

On Sunday we leave the Cameron Highlands. It takes us most of the day to reach Penang Island, off the west coast, and more specifically the main town on the island, Georgetown.

After relaxing a little we head to a local bar to watch some English football. The clientele is half travellers and half locals; in general the Malaysians seem to be crazy about English football, and Manchester United even have a shop and bar/restaurant in Kuala Lumpur! We get chatting to a guy from Finland called Antti. Our paths will cross in a couple of weeks in Thailand and as he's travelling on his own we make tentative plans to meet up. The barman tells me that I bear a striking resemblance to Martin Keown, the Arsenal defender. This is the third footballer I have been compared to in my life, after Vinny Jones and Keith Wright. One of these days maybe I'll be compared to someone good-looking!

On Monday we explore a bit of Georgetown and I'm not very impressed with the main sights - the temples aren't that great and the old British fort must be one of the most boring things I've made the effort to see. Chinatown, where we're staying, is an interesting place to wander round, and I'm amused by the restaurant named "Tack Sick"! I take a guided tour of the Chong Fatt Tze mansion, former home of a Chinese businessman.The mansion is impressive, but our tour guide is a little long-winded. I'm pleased, however, that she makes special mention of the fact that the cast-iron columns were made in Glasgow.

In the evening, it's time for a potentially traumatic experience - my first haircut in Asia. The barber's shop I go to in Chinatown is little more than a garden shed tacked onto the side of a building with one Indian barber. Most people in Malaysia speak at least a little English, but not him, so he just starts cutting without bothering to ask what I want done. I hold my breath for a while, but he ends up doing a reasonable job, well worth the 8 Ringit!

On Tuesday we are taken on a guided tour of the island by the owner of our hostel. We start with a taste of what we'll see in Thailand, with a visit to a couple of impressive Buddhist temples. After that, we start driving anti-clockwise round the island, past many huge 5 star hotels. Our guide tells us that 30 years ago the water was beautiful here, but nowadays it's too polluted to swim in. So I'm not sure why you'd come and stay in a hotel out of town! He also tells us that the tourist trade is down 70% since September 11th, as people are worried about Moslem extremists. However, since my first slightly uneasy feeling 3 weeks ago, I have seen or felt nothing that should stop anyone coming to Malaysia.

The rest of the tour is pretty mundane really, apart from some nice fruits at a tropical fruit farm. For some reason, our guide doesn't recommend us going to the big temple near the end of our loop, so we don't bother, only to discover later that this is perhaps the highlight of the island. Instead of this, we take the funicular railway up Penang Hill, a height of 830m. It takes ages to get up there, and although there's a good view from the top, it's a somewhat boring experience.

Tonight is our last night in Malaysia, and we head out for a meal along with a couple of our dorm-mates, Paul and Tom. Food in Malaysia has been very good, although there doesn't seem to be anything which is typically Malaysian. There's a lot of Indian and Chinese, along with some European-influenced Asian food which is probably the closest you get to real Malaysian food. Tonight we go to Little India for a nice chicken curry which is memorable for the way it is served - on top of a big leaf rather than a plate.

Paul has spent a while in Thailand and is raving about it. He tells us that he made a bit of effort to learn some of the language, and says that it really makes a difference with the locals. This makes me realise that we have made virtually no effort in Malay, learning only two phrases. However, I also reflect on the apparent Scottish influence I've seen in the language, with both ends of the social spectrum making contributions. For example, the word for police - polis - of course comes from Govan, while the word for taxi - teksi - must surely have its origins in Kelvinside!

Overall, my impression of Singapore and Malaysia has been that they are OK, but nothing to get too excited about. Well, nothing except perhaps the food! Tomorrow we'll get on a bus and go up to Thailand, where we've heard the food is even better. And we're looking forward to a couple of weeks at the beach!