from Mark�s Friggin Website:
Comedian Gilbert Gottfried came in to hang out during the news and to plug a couple of comedy gigs he has coming up. He's appearing at Caroline's comedy club in New York City tomorrow night.
Howard told Gilbert that he shouldn't be cutting his hair so short. He said he still has hair and shouldn't be buzzing his head like that. Howard also heard that Gilbert was out at a Comedy Central party last night and he was stealing food at the end of the party. He heard he was shoving it into his knapsack. Gilbert said that wasn't true but Howard had Chaunce Hayden on the phone who said he saw him doing it. Chaunce said he saw Gilbert putting lasagna and baked ziti in his bag. He claimed that Gilbert put it in napkins and then into his bag. Gilbert denied it and Howard said he wasn't so sure that he believed Chaunce. Chaunce swore that he saw this but Howard said he's been the victim of Chaunce's ''I swear to god I saw...'' claims and they weren't true. Howard got Chaunce off the phone and the guys continued to goof on Gilbert about it. Gilbert said the only thing he would have taken were chicken wings and he would never put them in his knapsack. Howard said he doesn't think Gilbert would ruin his four dollar back pack to steal some food. Robin asked Howard who he thinks is weirder, Gilbert of Michael Jackson. Howard quickly said Michael Jackson. Even Gilbert isn't that weird. Artie and Gilbert goofed around with the food stealing idea and made jokes about it for a couple of minutes. Artie joked that they found cheese in Gilbert's wallet. Howard had to take a break after just a few minutes. When they came back Howard had Abe Hershfeld on the phone.
Back in August of 2001 Abe Hershfeld called in to talk to Howard about being in jail. Gilbert Gottfried was in then and ended up goofing on Abe's accent and had him repeating stuff that they pretended not to hear. Well, they did the same thing today. Howard got Hershfeld on the phone and asked him a couple of quick questions about going to prison for a while. Howard said he was going to try and kill his partner or something like that. He asked Abe if he killed him and Abe said that the guy died before he could kill him. Hershfeld claims that he never intended to kill the guy. Howard asked him how old he was and found out he's 84. Abe said he has a diet that will allow people to eat whatever they want and not gain any weight. Howard introduced Gilbert and told him he was going to sing a blessing before they spoke anymore. Gilbert then went into one of his Jewish songs that seemed to never end. Abe said the way he sang it made it sound like Hip-Hop. Howard got back to Abe and asked him some questions about the money he's worth. He went through some of the stuff he's been working on and asked him why he doesn't rest. Abe said he likes to do good things for the public. Gilbert interrupted him and started doing an impression of Abe as he would sound if he was Dracula.
Abe started to talk about some of the problems we have in this world. He said he wants to stop the many divorces we have. He said he's been married 60 years now. He said he was going to tell people how to have a good marriage. He went on to tell a joke that didn't make much sense. It was about a 10 year old boy asking his mother how old she is and how much she weighs. She tells him that it's not polite to ask stuff like that. He also asks the mother why she's divorced. She won't tell him so he finds her license and it says she's 35 years old, weighs 120 pounds and it says she got an ''F'' for Sex, that's why she got the divorce. Howard and Gilbert then proceeded to have Abe repeat that joke over and over and over again. They kept telling him they missed part of the joke or they just didn't get it. Abe would tell it over and over again while Howard, Artie and Gilbert laughed hysterically. Howard had the microphones down so Abe couldn't hear them. Howard asked Abe what the whole joke meant because he didn't really get it. He finally asked about it after Abe told the joke about 5 times. Gilbert told Abe that he didn't hear all of the joke so he asked him to tell it once again. Howard said he couldn't take it anymore. Howard said he'd love to meet this guy. He used to hang out with President Kennedy and now he's getting dicked around by Gilbert. Gilbert had him repeat the joke again when he said they wanted to record it. Howard and the guys continued to laugh as he told the joke for the tenth time. Howard said he wasn't even sure what Hershfeld was calling in for.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. Abe started to tell another story about ''Babahah Walters'' so Gilbert picked up on that and goofed on him some more. He started to tell another joke about Barbara Walters and President Clinton so they had him repeating that over and over again before he even finished it. Abe told Howard that he composed these jokes while he was in prison for 2 years. Howard and Gilbert continued to goof on the poor guy for a few minutes. Abe never did get around to plugging what he wanted to talk about. Gilbert asked him to tell his 10 year old boy joke again so Abe said he was going to start charging for it. He went ahead and told it again though. Howard told Mr. Hershfeld that he would talk to him about the diet and his plans for the World Trade Center at a future date. Hershfeld said he had to plug something and started talking about the divorce thing again. Gilbert kept goofing on his accent though. Abe told one last joke as Howard was trying to wrap up the call and it just wasn't working. Howard finally got him off the phone. Gilbert goofed on him a little bit more before Howard took his break. Gilbert hung around for Robin's news.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED ON HOWARD STERN 4/7/03 CD
From Mark�s Friggin Website:
Comedian Gilbert Gottfried came in to hang out during Robin's news. When he came in during the commercial break Robin asked ''Who is that old man they just brought in?'' Howard told her it wasn't an old man, it was Gilbert.
Howard said Gilbert is considered the top comic in the United States right now. Howard mentioned the Afflak duck commercials and Robin thought they'd been taken away from Gilbert. Gilbert said ''not yet... don't give them any ideas.'' Howard said he's also appearing on ''Hollywood Squares'' for another season so he's ''pistol hot!'' He was joking around of course. Gilbert told Howard they also asked him to do the ''Surreal Life'' show but he turned that down. Howard asked him why he turned it down because it would have meant free meals. Gilbert said that would have been too embarrassing even for him to do. Gilbert said that he does have an agent that represents him and keeps him out of shows like that. Howard asked Gilbert who handles all of this bookings and sets up his hotels and stuff. He's appearing at the Grove Theater in Stuttering John and Friends comedy show. He said he's a little leary about that gig. He said everything was set up for them already but he's waiting to see what happens.
Howard read a review of one of Gilbert's gigs. The reviewer said that Gilbert's ship was sinking during his act and he sweated and suffered through some of his old horror film star impressions. Howard figures it's the area of the country that might not get the humor in that. Gilbert said the reason he was sweating at the gig was because it was in the middle of the summer. Gilbert said the reviewer also said that when his act was failing he resorted to doing homosexual humor. Gilbert was laughing at his own bad review and said when his act starts to fail he just blurts out and calls the audience ''faggots'' and stuff like that. He also said that they'll tell him that there will be young girls in the crowd and he'll just use the C-word because of that.
Howard said Gary told him that he saw no less that three cartoons on Nickelodeon featuring Gilbert's voice. Gilbert said those cartoons are very lucrative. They talked about that for a short time and Gilbert did some voices and yelled out some more ''faggot'' lines.
Howard said Gilbert does an old Abbot and Costello routine while doing his Bella Lugosi impression. He wondered if he just finds one act that works and does it to death. Gilbert just kept laughing as Howard questioned him about his career. Howard asked him if he's ever considered suicide. Gilbert continued to laugh and said he couldn't do that. He said he'd be scared to do it through the roof of his mouth, he'd have to put it to his head. Howard said he pictures Gilbert killing himself with a plastic bag over his head or something goofy like that.
Howard gave Gilbert another plug for his appearance at the Grove Theater with Stuttering John and Friends (Artie, Nick DiPaolo and Modi as well) April 11th and 12th. He said Gilbert will be doing his ''Who's on first'' bit as Bella Lugosi. He had to take a break a short time later. After the break Howard had Robin do her news. Gilbert stuck around to comment on the news stories she went through. Howard interrupted the news a couple of times to talk to Gilbert. He asked him about his apartment and whether or not he has someone come in to clean his apartment. Gilbert said he's had someone there maybe two times. Stuttering John came in and asked him if the place is rent controlled because he's seen it and it looks like he lives in the projects or something. Gilbert ended up goofing on John's stutter and made this choking, gaging sound.