WHOAMI?...
...read on to find
out......
I am a dynamic figure, often seen
scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations
on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas,
I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in
a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone
playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed,
and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in
stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water,
I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from
a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by
the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I
build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding.
On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst,
and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of
corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I
receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes.
Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.
I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international
botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects
with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield
in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have
performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do
sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully
negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The
laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my
bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact
origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write
it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli
and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in
San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at
the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery,
and I have spoken with Elvis, with whom I share a birthday.
The REAL me can be found HERE......sorry
for the sidetrack, but arent all trips on the web actually a sidetrack
from something?
