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COLOBOMA |
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Everyone wants a perfect baby right?
Parents count the fingers and toes. Then the doctor says, "Something is wrong." The world starts to fall in on you. You have experienced a small death. The grief of this loss is something else you have to deal with along with the 24/7 job of taking care of a new baby.
Listed here are the stages of grief as they apply to accepting a visually impaired baby into your life.
Denial - This stage is about trying to pretend that the event that caused the grief never happened. "His eyes are ok we will just have to see another doctor." "Run another test." "They can fix it can't they?" "He doesn't look blind."
Anger and Resentment - Feeling like: "Why me?" "Why did God do this to us?" "We will sue the doctor and the hospital."
Bargaining - "God I will be a good person and go to church every Sunday if you heal my little baby." "I'll give my own eyes to fix my babies." "If only I'd taken better care of my self during pregnancy."
Depression - You begin to recognize just what has happened. You start to feel depressed or abandoned. "I'm all alone with this no one to help me." "Life is falling in on me." "What will ever happen to my poor baby?"
Acceptance - You accept your child's vision loss with a sense of calmness, a kind of resignation that allows an acceptance of what has happened. "We will make it." "I can handle this." At this stage, you start working on realistic fixes. You contact early intervention people. You start looking for information that will help you help your child grow into the best person he is capable of being.
Conclusion
These stages do not always run in order. You can skip one and visit it later. Seek out help for your baby but do not forget yourself. Many parents need some therapy to get through this. It is not too much different then loosing a loved one except in this case you still have your baby to love and enjoy.
...Loss...
You did not lose a child to Coloboma; you lost a child because the child you waited for never came into existence. That is not the fault of the child you have, and it should not be that child�s burden. Your baby needs and deserves a family who can value them for what they are. They do not need families whose vision of them is obscured by the ghosts of children who never lived. Grieve if you must, for your own lost dreams, but do not mourn for them. They are alive and waiting for your love.
Charlie Web - Moderator
