Movie Reviews
Above everything that made me wonder in �Benchwarmers,� I think I most wondered why on earth idiot comedies like this are paced at break-neck speed. In most of the scenes, the actors aren�t even finished with their lines when it cuts to the next scene while their dialog carries over. The point I�m making here is that the film only clocks in at one hour and twenty-five minutes. That�s barely full-length, and yet the filmmakers seem to want to get the whole ordeal over with faster than the audience. That�s saying something.
�Benchwarmers� looks like it was made in seven business days, featuring about 25 punch lines per joke, each one lamer than the last. It contains everything a ten-year-old could possibly laugh at: nose-picking, farting, urine in a two-liter, projectiles smashing into people and expensive cars, an old man giving the finger, �Star Wars� nerds (as if we don�t have enough movies with those), lots of puking (once because of the smell emitting from a porti-potty), and a man eating sunscreen.
Somewhere in there briefly emerges a story that goes something like: three nerdy men (David Spade, Rob Schneider, and Jon Heder) team up to challenge jocks everywhere in the great game of baseball. Gus (Schneider) is semi-athletic and loves baseball. Richie and Clark (Spade and Heder) have never even played catch. Nonetheless, the sight of bullies farting in a fat kids face pushes them to challenge a bully-full baseball team to a game. They win, and suddenly every bullying baseball coach in a 20 mile radius is out for blood against them.
Then like a rock through a window that�s been broken for about 15 minutes, hurdles Jon Lovitz as Mel, a �billionaire� who suggests a tournament against all these bullies. Win after win after win leads them to the championship in a stadium that Mel has built in 24 hours.
Where the movie could�ve warranted a little leniency from me was in the ending. If it had remained cruel and savage as it had been for 70 minutes, maybe I would�ve liked it better. Maybe. But the film goes for a sentimental climax with a heartfelt message: bullies are bad. Have fun. It�s okay to be a nerd.
Too bad for nerds that message had to be in this movie. * �