I share this in hopes that it will be a blessing to you as you see the wondrous way the Lord has worked in the life of a sometimes wild, and often wayward sinner like myself. This is a little long, but believe me, it's the abbreviated version! So here goes:
1997 was a horrid year. The California grape crop froze, we were in a war and every team but one lost the World Series. It wasn't much better of a year for me. In two weeks, 1) I lost a marriage of 17 years, 2) closed a retail family business 3) assumed $250,000 in unsecured debt, 4) lost a great executive level job in manufacturing, and 5) took a $60,000 pay cut. The final straw was going through a horrific fire that nearly demolished my home in an 1860's commercial building I had lovingly restored over the last 13 years.
In the midst of the fire, with flames leaping 70 foot into the air, I fell to my knees in a urine soaked alley that was covered with broken glass, blood and booze. With tears in my eyes, as my building burned, I cried out to God, "What is it you want? Just please, don't take my life!"
After in just weeks, having everything that most men use to define themselves taken from me, I was still telling God what to do. "Just don't take my life" Whose life was it anyway? The Lord's, or mine?
Well the fire finally ended, and I continued to pray without receiving an answer-at least not one that I could hear. I was getting better at praying though! "Oh Lord, please show me your will, and by the way, if you know any nice Christian women�I'll even consider a Nazarene with a beehive hairdo�" Still telling God what to do�(apologies to all you Jesuits out there!! LOL!!)
"Finally, after months of prayer, reading the scriptures and becoming involved in a local church, I could hear the answer. It was in the Psalms. "Be still, and know that I am God." Having strayed away from my faith for many years, God was telling me that He wanted me to know Him. Sure, He wanted me to be a good man, an ethical business owner, etc. What really mattered to Him though, was my belief in Him.
Compared to that, my trendy little commercial loft home, the executive manufacturing job, the big salary, the family retail business, and even my marriage were inconsequential. He didn't care a bit about my trappings of power, money, success�He cared about me. I was the one that cared about the things of the world, and God was telling me, that unless I wanted to become a quadriplegic, I had better start caring about Him.
As I understood this better, and strengthened my daily walk with Christ, I gradually started learning the meaning of another of his promises in Corinthians that I'd known since childhood. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you."
After choosing to follow the Lord, I received an insurance check that paid to restore my commercial building and home to a condition far superior than anything I might ever have dreamed. The next day, a former employer called me out of the blue and asked if I would return to my prior job as a vice president of their factory-the only difference was they wanted to nearly double my salary.
Unsolicited, a large counseling division of a local hospital knocked on my door and asked if they could rent the restored commercial building-albeit at $500 per month more than the mortgage payment. After closing the retail business, within weeks the Lord guided me in arranging payment plans that allowed me to retire a quarter million dollars of debt without bankruptcy. The Lord even put a wonderful woman in my life that I dated for two years while healing from my divorce. We no longer see each other romantically, but she remains a dear friend, and a blessing to my family and friends.
Today, seven years later, I look back and cannot believe the difference it made when I began following God's will rather than my own. While I still sometimes struggle with surrendering my will, the Lord has added unto me in ways greater than anything I could have imagined achieving on my own.
However, the greatest blessing is the rededication and restoration of my relationship with our heavenly Father. As he promised, the Lord has seen fit to bless me in untold ways-in abundance, pressed down, heaped up and running over! I am thankful to Him. Yet, I now know that all the trappings of money, power and success are meaningless next to the abundance of his love. If they disappear tomorrow, I will have lost nothing. My worth is not in achievements and possessions, but measured by the depth of my love of Christ.
I praise the Lord that my elderly mother, who led me to the Lord at the age of six, is still alive to see my daily walk with Christ. Through one of the most difficult periods in my life, the Lord brought me back to him, and kept his promises. Along the way, he also kept his promise of many years ago to my mother. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he shall not depart from it."
Thanks for allowing me to share my testimony with you. May the Lord bless and smile upon your life. I�d love to hear how the Lord has worked in your life, and share with one another the ways in which we are serving our risen Savior!
A Book Recommendation
You�ve probably already read it, but I want to recommend a book I�ve been working through. Wild at Heart, by Stephen Eldredge. It has some outstanding ideas on the dynamics of a Christian relationship, and really does a great job explaining how Christian men feel in today�s society.
One point it makes, is by describing the movie Braveheart. You know, the one where Mel Gibson plays the medieval character William Wallace? Well, Eldredge portends that as men, we all want to be William Wallace. The guy out front, sword in hand, leading the charge and fighting off all evil. But instead, men (especially Christian ones) should feel like we�re the guy in the fourth row back, carrying a hoe.
For Christian men, the balancing act in today�s society is a pretty precarious one. Be enough of a rogue to keep a girls attention, but be kind and sensitive enough to hold her heart. Lead the charge in business, and be the spiritual head of a household, yet turn the other cheek and treat your mate with deference and respect.
That�s not to say, that being a Godly woman in our world today is a cakewalk. And yes, a lot of the pressure placed on women, is by men. Yeah, even when they are good, caring Christian men. Forget the sexism inherent in our society, to some extend we, as Christian men are all still guilty of desiring a woman that can be a stripper on Saturday night, and teach Sunday school on Sunday morning. Talk about a balancing act�
The book also talks about a woman�s desire to be pursued, to be swept away by the white knight, and engaged in a life full of excitement and intrigue. That�s a myth we guys have bought into pretty heavily. Being William Wallace isn�t really the hard part, it�s taking on the persona of the fourth row guy with the hoe that�s difficult.
Sweep a woman off her feet, make her feel desired and special? Sure, most men eventually gain some degree of proficiency at it. Meekly and humbly, submit your will before God, revealing your frailties and insecurities to your mate? Er, uh, well�. �Honey, I think maybe I�ll just shut the door and have a little PERSONAL time, ALONE with God�.OK?�
Put yourself in the shoes of a Christian man. How would you like to know, and base your life on a set of principles, that matter of factly, simply instructs you, that in order to have a successful relationship, all you have to do is love your mate, as Christ loved the church? I mean, the only role model we�ve got as Christian men in a relationship, just happens to be the single, sin free and perfect individual that ever walked the face of the earth?
I guess my best friend�s wife states it pretty succinctly, she says her husband suffers from �male answer syndrome.� No matter what the problem, or whether he really knows how to fix it, he�s got an answer�even if he has to make something up. Like most Christian men, I welcome and embrace the role of provider, protector and progenitor. It�s the part about �letting go, and letting God� that seems to get me into trouble.
Letting a woman endure the suffering of Naomi, so that in so doing, she may build her own house unto the Lord? Too often, as a Christian man, it is almost reflexive to assume �male answer syndrome.� To be William Wallace, using income, position, intelligence or whatever to fight off all evil. As I do that, and impose my will, I deny my mate of the rewards the Lord bestowed upon Ruth. I don�t know if you�ve ever thought about it, but so often, especially in the context of business, men are described as being ruthless. To be Ruth-less, means to be, without the qualities or heavenly rewards of Ruth.
The idea that getting down on your knees and prostrating yourself before God is the best way to assure that your mate will look up to you is not only foreign to most men, but initially imbues us with a since of weakness. Surrendering our will, �not my will, but thine O Lord,� is difficult to accept. Knowing that by doing so, it will make us more Christ like, in his eyes and those of our mate, is nearly an anathema.
As a sinful man, I want the admiration, the adulation and respect of my mate, and by golly, I�m going to earn it, or else! 60 hour work weeks, a wife dressed to the nines, serving on philanthropic boards-yes, yes, yes�. Look God, look dear wife, look community, am I not to be respected and admired? And as I go about my sinful ways, even in doing the things society applauds, I�m ignoring God�s will.
Instead, why is it so difficult to recognize that if my devotion to God mirrored that of Ruth to her husbands family, than the rewards I crave here on earth, and more importantly will receive in heaven, will be showered upon me? I�m not sure how you feel about relationships, but I found this poem the other day, and to some extent, it describes how many of us as Christian men feel.
Believe in me
I am the light that you reach for
I am the hope that you seek
As the water starts rising
Believe in me
Believe in me
From the dust of creation
to the birth of a child
Let the light guide you
Believe in me
Seize the fear that binds you
Face the pain inside
As the water starts rising
Believe in me
Believe in me
For every time you cried and wept inside
For your voice did not go unanswered
not even in the darkness of night
As hope fades, lights dim
Reach out your hand
and believe in me
Believe in me
So much pain in this world
So many mask of smiles
Too many unanswered questions
Too many tears of a child
Reach through the darkness
Reach for the light
As the water starts rising
Believe in me
Believe in me
The poem expresses a lovely sentiment, but I fear, relies far too heavily on our own ability to affect our world. If I were to write it, it would say, �Believe in God. Believe in me, and you�ll be eating pizza tonight after I burn up the kitchen trying to fix dinner.�
I�m still seeking the Lord�s will in my life, and don�t expect that the journey will ever stop-if it does, I�m certain it will be my ignorance and unwillingness to yield to the Lord, that has halted my path. Whether that journey includes a mate or not, is totally up to the Lord-I do know that if the Lord has someone in mind for me, she will be a sister in Christ before and always�.
A fun way to meet other single Christians!
Meeting other single Christians sure isn�t easy. At least, meeting the ones you�re interested in sure seems difficult. I guess that�s why many people are trying online dating. After I got divorced, and was finally ready to start dating again, everyone told me, �get involved in a church, you�ll meet someone.� Well, that sounds like good advice, and sure enough, I met several people. But you know what? There�s a reason a lot of those people are single!
The counterpart for gals isn�t real clear to me, but at many of the churches I�ve attended, whether they had active singles ministries or not, most of the guys were pretty mealy mouthed. Limp wristed, short sleeved plaid shirts with their little wire rim glasses and Levi dockers. I mean, there�s nothing at all wrong with being a sensitive guy, but even I could tell, these guys weren�t sexy. Not that a guy has to show up in leather pants on the back of a Harley, and covered in tattoo�s to be sexy, but for crying out loud, are there no Christian George Clooney�s or Brad Pitts out there!!!
Now I know, looking for a potential mate isn�t the reason to attend church, and I�m sure not trying to be judgmental, or anything. To each his own. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that. I lived in the club and party area of Indianapolis, and I�ll tell ya what! I didn�t meet anyone in any of the clubs that I�d be interested in either! So that�s one of the reasons I�ve tried this online dating thing!
From what I understand, with most types of personals, some of the women get loads of messages, and most of the guys get few or none. I guess I should be thankful, because I used to get a little bit of mail, but generally, it all seemed vaguely familiar. You know, messages that said, �I be liking you profile. You kindly to mine. I make good amercian wife. You be knowing USA immigration and visa steps. Your knew frend, Natasha Bobalinski. Kiss kiss�
It�s tough to blame anyone for wanting out of Russia, or whatever forsaken place they may be stuck in, but I thought, �surely, there must be some way to meet interesting and fun single Christians who are at least in the same hemisphere. Well, surprise, surprise�there is! The only problem is that they are from all over North America, but the main benefit is in realizing that you�re not alone and that there are wonderful single Christians just like you, who would love to share their lives with someone.
The caliber of people you will meet is unexcelled. To give you some idea, the last time I went to one of these seminars, some of the guys that were there included a couple ministers, several small business owners, a vp from Microsoft, a plastic surgeon, a commercial realtor from St. Louis, the head of meteorology for NASA, the cattle lobbyist from Wyoming, several alternative type artists, a tool & die maker for GM, a well known writer (name withheld), etc. Last year, I shared a room with a fella that initially told me he was in public service-turns out he was the director of the largest operator of orphanages in the world!!
You want to meet some good, caring and successful Christian men? Ones that aren�t apologetic wimps, but dynamic and serving Christ???? Stick with me! I may not be the best at finding a good, Christian woman, but here�s a way to meet some great Christian guys!
Over Memorial and/or Labor day, they hold seminars for singles only. The first time I went I was really apprehensive-junior high church youth group all over again�..You know, everyone in name tags, the men�s have little colored keys, and the women�s have colored locks, and you try to find who you match up with�..Well, it�s nothing at all like that!!!
The seminars they hold for singles are nearly the same as the ones they hold for couples and families, it�s just that on those two holiday weekends, they restrict attendance to singles only. It�s just a weekend full of fellowship and fun! On top of all that, it�s pretty inexpensive! (maybe $300 for everything, less airfare, includes the seminar, room, meals, etc.) It�s held at one of the nicest facilities you�ve ever seen-looks like a state park in the Smokies, if managed by the Marriott hotel folks! The music is invariably presented by nationally recognized Christian recording stars.
It�s a place called The Cove at the Billy Graham conference center in Asheville, NC. If you like gospel music, they�ve held many of the praise gatherings and video taped a number of shows there-you can swim, hike, bike, or just sit on the balconies in rocking chairs and enjoy the view. Asheville and Black Mountain are full of antique shops, art galleries, cute little boutique stores, restaurants etc. and they are the next exit up the interstate (about 5 minutes). Not to mention the Biltmore Mansion!
Here�s their website: http://www.thecove.org it�s pretty generic, and you may need to copy it into your browser, but it will allow you to see their seminars and how to register. In case you�re wondering, no I�m not their marketing rep, I only want to share this with you as a brother in Christ, and wish you the best as you look to our Lord for guidance and fulfillment in a relationship.