"Just relax," Dr. Jack Bruns suggested.  Why is it that all doctors say that, you would think someone who is a psychologist would understand that as soon as someone is told to relax that is the last thing they are going to do.  It is even worse when you deal with teenagers..  I was 18 years old, and I knew everything. 

This was a big step for me.  I had been learning about metaphysics and the occult since I was 16 when my aunt bought me my first deck of tarot cards.  I had no idea that Jack was a parapsychologist, but then again he was a friend of my parents and how often do I really pay attention to their friends?

"Just lay down on the bed there," he pointed to the bed which was covered in a thick quilt and many pillows, "the only way to do this is to get you as relaxed and it helps to be comfortable. "

"Ok," I shrugged, trying to keep a whole cooler-than-thou attitude going.  The truth of the matter was I was overly thrilled at what was going to happen.  I had read about this sort of thing, but was not sure what to expect.  I simply sat on the bed.

Jack placed a large, black tape recorder, pad of paper and a pen on his desk in the small home office.  I slipped off my shoes and took off my large red fish bone earrings, "So," I asked as I slipped the silly things into my little purse, "what exactly is going to happen?"

The good doctor cleared his throat and turned to face me, "Well," he said in his slow monotone voice, "pretty much what is going to happen here is that you will be slipping in and out of times and past lives. I will lead you through a simple relaxation exercise and then I will lead you into a deeper state of relaxation."

"Like hypnosis?"

"No," he chuckled, "not quite.  You will find yourself between stages, neither awake or asleep. Also, you may feel like you are making things up.  Like you are imagining things.  That is good.  When we do this I want you to keep in mind that imagined and unreal are not the same thing."

"Oh," smile and nod, act like you understand what the hell he is talking about, "then you are going to lead me through all this? How do you know you aren't planting the seeds in my mind what it is I see?"

That got a smile out of him.  He looked like I had just said the most intelligent thing ever, "Well, because once I lead you to the entrance to each memory, I do not say anything, until I am ready to pull you out," noticing  the uncertainty in my eyes he continued, "There is nothing to worry about.  There is a possibility, however, you will enter at the moment of birth or death, if that is what happens I simply have you step out of the area and we try again."

"So I could possibly see my birth or my death?"

"Of a past life, yes.  There is also a possibility that you have never lived before and you will not see anything."

"Oh," I felt a tad disappointment with that statement.

"However," he continued,  "I highly doubt this is your first time around."

I laughed at that, but I was still feeling the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach as I watched him light some candles and dim the lights, "I find that the candle light and the dimness of the florescent lights help with the relaxation process."

I lay down on the bed and pulled a blanket on me, wiggling among all the  pillows as I attempted to find some comfortable position, "Ok," he explained, "I want you to close your eyes.  I am going to have you listen to my voice and follow my instructions. I will be asking you questions on what it is you see.  Answering them will help you reach the level of relaxation and also will let me know if I have you too relaxed and you fall asleep."

I giggled and closed my eyes.  

Jack took me through a very nice and calming exercise, helping me relax, starting at my toes and working up my body until I was drifting on a cloud somewhere in the cosmos.  I concentrated on my breathing and slowed it to a shallow rhythm. A complete euphoric feeling came over me, a feeling of peace.  He took me into a small room.  As he had me dim the lights, it seemed like I was looking at an old television set.  The colors shifted to gray then black and white, slowly fading out until there was a small pin prick of light. However there was one large flash of sepia before it faded to complete black, and in that moment I saw something I considered very strange.  A charcoal, long haired,  Persian cat.  Just the face of this cat.  Then nothingness.

"I want you to turn around," Jack's voice came out of the darkness, "and I want you to picture the doors to an elevator. Describe them for me."

"They are gray doors, like primer paint. There is a button, it is glowing a green color."

"Go ahead and push the button."

I watched my hand reach out to push the button.  The doors slowly opened and Jack told me to step inside and describe, again, what it was that I saw.

"It is lined with red velvet on the walls, like a theatre curtain," I glanced around the small area, "there is a panel with a bunch of buttons on it. They are all glowing green like the other one."

He told me to push a button, any button.  When I did, I watched the doors close shut and I could actually feel the elevator moving, that sudden jerk when it started and the motion of the machine.  I described how it felt to Jack,  the elevator seemed to feel as if it were moving up and over to the left, in an almost diagonal way.   Finally after a few moments the elevator came to a stop.  I watched the doors open and I stepped out.

 I walked out and could feel leaves crunching under my feet.  I could smell a fire, but I could not see anything.

"I know I am walking on a path," I said, "I think I am going home."

"Do you know what year it is?"

"1819," I simply stated.

"What is your name?"

I thought about it, but nothing came to me, "I do not know."

"Where are you?"

"On a path. I think it is the country, it feels like that is right.  I cannot see anything, but I smell fires and feel leaves under me, so I am guessing it is fall?"

"Do you sense anything?"

"Cats, " I said plainly, "there is a big orange tabby cat in my lap."

I was now sitting in a chair, holding a cat, I could feel it but not see it.  I knew it was orange though.  I could hear the crackling of a fire and feel the heat on the left side of my face.  

"I do not think there is anything interesting here," I said simply.

"Ok, get up and find your elevator," he said.

I did as I was told and Jack had me press another button. This time I felt the elevator going left.  I could feel the pull of it as it speed through to wherever it would take me next. Again it stopped suddenly and the doors opened. 

I was standing on the bank of a small river.  I could smell dead fish. There were cats circling my ankles.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked.

"I am not sure.  I think I am supposed to be getting water, but I am not at the well," I could see that I was wearing something blue.  I looked into the water and a stranger looked back at me.

"Describe what you see," Dr. Bruns prompted again.

"Well," I said staring at the reflection,"I have dark hair, it is in a twist.  I am wearing a blue dress," I felt the flimsy material, "well no, it is like a toga almost, I am not sure what to call it.  It is blue and kind of like silky.  I think I am dressed up for some reason.  That I am trying to attract someone."

I glanced around the area and my eyes caught hold of what I took to be a soldier.  He seemed to stand out from the rest. I waved at him, he simply nodded.  The seen around me changed suddenly and I saw the man again, yet this time he was with another woman, I felt like it was a friend of mine, but I could not be sure.  I felt myself get depressed suddenly, my heart felt like it broke and I could feel the tears in the back of my throat.  Quickly the scene changed again and I saw myself standing next to another man, he wore a different type of uniform.  I felt like I was doing something evil.  Sleeping with the enemy to get back at the one who wronged me.  I was looking for a weapon, to use on myself.

"Turn around," I heard the familiar voice, "walk back into the elevator."

I turned and saw it and slipped inside.  Dr. Bruns then instructed me to find a red button.  When I did so, he told me to ride with the elevator, feel the motion as I rode. This time I felt it moving down, like a normal elevator.   When I reached the stop, the doors opened and Jack had me open my eyes.

"I think that we had a good session slipping through time," he said cheerfully, "it looks like you have had some interesting past lives.  It would be interesting to explore them more."

I agreed and thanked him, I was a little shaky over the whole thing, and my drive home seemed long.  Dr. Bruns and I had a few more sessions after that, with different degrees of success, however he did teach  me how to lead the meditations and how to regress people myself.

I was off to college now, and wanting to try my new skill.  I had met a few friends who had an interest in the idea of regression.  I never spoke about my experiences with Dr. Bruns and played off what I was doing more of a sleep-over game, than anything real.  I kept in mind what Dr. Bruns had said that first time.  Imagined and unreal are not the same thing.  In a way I felt I was testing what he had taught me.  Testing if it really happened or if I was making it up in my mind. Were the sights I saw, the things I felt, the smells the sounds... were they true memories or simply the affects of an over worked imagination?

One of my friends, Nathan was his name, was very interested in what I did.  He would have me read his tarot cards or palm, on a nightly basis if I let him.  When I explained the idea of past life regressions he was very excited. 

Nate and I had a few sessions together, and though he tried to get me to tell him my experiences as well as the experiences of some of the other people I regressed, I chose not to.  I always had felt that these were private. That was until the last regression I did with Nate.

"I am in a small town," he said as I sat next to him in the cramped dorm room, "I think it is Greece, from the buildings, it looks like Greece, maybe Rome."

"Look around and what do you see?" I could feel the butterflies from my first regression come back to me as he described the same town I saw.

"Hey," he said, his voice got strange, "you are here."

"I am?"

"Yes, you are standing by the stream," he explained, "It doesn't look like you, you have black hair and not red.  You are also taller, I think.  You are wearing a blue silky thing, and there are cats all around your feet, probably trying to get the fish that are in the baskets nearby.  You waved at me."

At that point I had Nate return to the elevator.  I made him leave the vision.

I have not regressed anyone since then.  I chose not to tell Nate of our connection, for fear that he would think I was making it up.  I have figured out that we seem to make connections with certain people in our lives, and possibly we stay connected to them in the next and the next.  Slipping through time together, wondering if our paths will cross again.

Whenever I think back to that time, the song from Rocky Horror Picture Show comes to mind. With a bit of a mind flip, you are in for a time slip, and nothing will ever be the same.  Now that I know, nothing will ever be the same.  Would I kill myself over Nate?  No, I do not think so.  I guess history does not repeat itself.  As for the significance of the cat, well that is still unclear.  In every life a cat seemed to follow me or be present.  Possibly it was my animal guide, there to protect me as I slipped in and out of a new life.  Maybe it explains my fondness for the creature.  Fear keeps me from regressing more, afraid of whom I may have hurt or who hurt me.  It is hard for anyone else to understand how it feels, unless they have experienced it themselves.