ENCYCLOPEDIA OF

Sex, romance and love

This encyclopiedia was writen during the bordom of several computer studies lesson. The writers, with there Striking good looks, Muscular physiques and witty charm had no problem writing this based on there own experiences in the world of sex, love and romance. Writen and produced by: Charlie, Delboy, Jaydee, Susan and fred.

AGAIN

The very word 'Again' will strike fear deep in the heart of any man.

BIRTH CONTROL

Avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, having a headache, dating repulsive partners and Hitting the end of your cock with a large wooden mallet.

BEAUTY

Women take much more time over there looks and appearence than men do, if fact they probably spend more time improving there looks than improving there mind this is because a lot of men are stupid but few are blind.

Beauty is only skin deep, ugliness seeps right down to the bone but when the lights are out every one's beautiful.

BRA

Get a man to set the VCR, Install a computer or build a car from its individual parts. No problem. Try and get a man to work a bra. Impossible. The bra was obviously invented as bitter and twisted women's revenge on men worldwide.

BREASTS

This part of the womens body which is the ultimate object of desire for most men. Besides have medical purposes they also play a big part in society: Giving men something to talk about and a source of power for women who with some cleverly chosen thrusts and a careful selection of tops can make any man do their bidding.

Breast are the only reason the human race has grown at such a rate on this planet, God had to give women breasts so that men would talk to them.

CONQUEST

A word used by men to describe a woman with a fantastically proportioned body who insists that her clothes must be several times to small.

DATING

The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you may not especially like in the present and will probably like a lot less in the future.

DETEST

A woman's feelings towards a man, which is interpreted by a man as "Playing hard to get"

EASY

A term used by men to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT

A Commonly used method by women to tell a man that she likes him. Men often find doing this hard not due to shyness, but rather due to the fact that a women's eyes aren't usually situated on her chest.

ERECTION

A word most men can't handle and is therefore often referred to 'boner' or 'Hard one'

This is the process where all the blood from a mans head rushes to his cock limiting this ability to think or have full control over what he is doing.

FOX

These are the girls that are so out of your league you might as well be a different species. Don't even try, in the entire history of mankind no one like you has ever scored with one of these women, they appointed Hercules look-a-like boy friends at birth and are programmed not to recognise that you exist let alone talk to you.

FOUR

Sex is a three-letter word, which often needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

FRIEND, OPPOSITE SEX

A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

HEREDITY

A lot of who you are is due to your parents, Especially your physical appearance and moral standards. Sex is also heredity if your parents didn't get much of it, chances are you won't either.

INADMISSIBLE ARGUMENTATION

When going out with someone at one point you will argue, its unavoidable. Anything that a partner said 6 months ago is completely inadmissible in an argument. All comments, suggestions and speeches become void and null after 14 days.

IRRITATING HABIT

What the cute and endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months in each others company.

INTERESTING

A word used by a man to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

KINKI

Most women are happy with standard sex and when feeling adventurous a change of position. Most men on the other hand have other ideas. After sex they tell the woman how great she was there actually wondering whether it's the right time to ask her what she thinks of anal sex? If she'd ever wear a uniform or whether she's ever thought of involving a friend, food and electronic toys.

LAW OF RELATIVITY

How attractive a person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

LOVE

Love is the stage when you know the colour of your partner's eyes. Don't confuse sex with love. Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics. Different parts of the same subject. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness or bad weather and few people have completed it.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

MARRIAGE

This is a medical term to describe women that are dead from the waist down.

MASTURBATION

Just a WARNING. Masturbation is a major cause of blindness and faulty keyboard. *See pornography

MONKOBREAK

Monkobreak is an expression to describe when the male sex organ needs a long-term break from sex. A holiday.

Unlike a woman a man can not have multiple climaxes one after the other or have consistant sex (i.e 5-6 times a day) for weeks on end. The male sex organ often needs to take a "monkobreak" . The following reasons are the most common:

Has to work hard; has to work at great depths; has to work upside down;

Has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; has to work in a high humidity environment; has to work at high temperatures; does not get weekends and holidays off; does not get time off after extra hours of work; has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.

MIDNIGHT SNACK

This is the phrase used by men to describe the regeneration period it takes a man to recover after sex it usually lasts between 10 and 25 minutes.

NON-CLIMAX

This is the term used to describe when women don't have an orgasm. Unlike men they don't always climax and will insist that it is the guy's fault and that he must be doing something wrong. But guys give them a break lets face it if a you didn't climax, every one would know about it, you'd be yelling nonsense as you ran though the streets naked smashing up you neighbours car's.

NYMPHOMANIAC

A woman that thinks about sex almost as much as the average man.

ORGY

A term used to descibe a group of randy people (single or couples) getting together a having a lot of coffee. Suprisingly the american's are very against the idea of orgies they believe its immoral and disgusting but some how by replacing the word "Orgy" with the words "Swing Party" it makes it all okay.

PENIS

One of many words men struggle to say without feeling embarrassed and therefore is often replaced with more comfortable words: Dick, Cock, Prick, Tail, Hand Gun, Pocket rocket, Third leg, Magic vein cane, Hot rod, Wand, Dooms day machine, One eyed trouser snake, big red bus, Space shuttle, etc.

This organ is used in reproduction and ridding the body of waste liquids but by far the best use of this organ is to get ten minutes silence.

PORNOGRAPHY

Women believe this kind of business is degrading to them and is a job only for the scum of society.

Men on the other hand consider pornography to be an important part of male teenage culture and probably the best job in the whole world and maybe the entire universe.

Pornography has really taken of due to modern people's open minded view of sex and the growth of the internet.

PRESSURED JOB

As the man of the relationship despite women's independence you are still expected to get a job you hate to please your partner. Look on the bright side the one thing your job has above your wife is the fact it will still suck after 5 years.

PREGNANCY

The process of bringing a new life into the world. Not yet fully understood by men. Just remember guys don't try and cut any corners: You can't produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

RELIGON

Love thy neighbour- but don't get caught.

Thy shall not commit adultery- While your partners in town

SATAN

Satan is in the heart. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the Garden of Eden.

SEX

A demonstration of love and a method of reproduction.

SEX APPEAL

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

SEXIST PIG

A man who hates every bone in a woman's body except his own.

SEX TOYS

Chains, Cages, Whips, Handcuffs, Ropes, Wires, Bottles, Dolls, Elastic , Mallets, Wigs, Masks, Broom Handles, Spoons, Phone books, Keyboards?

SLUT

A general insult for a woman who will sleep with any one they can get as often as they can get them. The male version of this is commonly referred to as a "hero". After all man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

SOBER

A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

TIME OF THE MONTH

This is a condition that women suffer from, It means they'll lash out at their man for no apparent reason and twist every thing he says into something else. It can mean the simplest of mistakes will turn into a nightmare. For example mentioning the wrong girls name in your sleep at the wrong time can easily result in you waking up to find your knobs been cut off and thrown it in the neighbours pond or strapped it to two helium balloon and is now 3000ft over China.

TRUST

A relationship is built on trust. Men are simple people but women still refuse to fully trust a man. Yet a man will completely 100% trust a women.

(Question: Should a man trust something that bleeds for five days and lives?).

UMMMMMM

UMMMMMM Is a term used by men taken from the Latin word Julenicco which in physics refers to the movement of subatomic particles as they react with ultra violet light and highly concentrated sound waves.

UNDERSTANDING

In a relationship two people begin to understand each other. But be careful don't try to understand each other too much. The first and only man to ever figure out woman died laughing before he could tell anyone. And the few women that have understood men refused to talk to any man again.

VALENTINE

St. Valetines day fits in the category with Birthday's, Anniversaries and Christmas. A nightmare for most men. Every one of these celebrations turn into a quest to find the pefect present for your partner, While at the same time knowing that in six months you'll have to find the pefect present all over again.

WET 'N' WILD

Men be warned. Ever wondered why most hurricanes are named after women? Because they're very similar. When you meet them their wet and wild but when they leave you they take your car and house with them.

ZEBRA

An animal found in mainly on the plains of Africa, a member of the horse family. Very recognisable due to its black and white striped appearance.