Telescopic SYNOPSIS: A beautiful psychic and part-time hypno-therapist from Nicaragua, sexually seduces a military rock star of British heritage, takes him on a journey through an exciting, yet, occasionally rocky relationship, and then mysteriously disappears.
Microscopic Synopsis : Sarah, the Princess of Athenia, introduces her
rockstar fiance Dave, a dreadlocked caucasian whose stage name is Penistasia - to Psychic Dahlia from Nicaragua, with the hope that Dave would become one of her Psychic clients. But Dahlia instead
falls in love with the rock star and steals him from the the Princess. However,
Dave`s constant bursts of jealous rage over Dahlia would eventually drive a
wedge into their relationship.
Opening scenes: Dave and Dahlia privately ballroom-dancing to her love-song parody classical piece :
Dahlia: You don`t know where/I`m go-o-ing to
Dave (smiling): Yes, I do!-)
Dahlia: How could you tell where I`m go-o-ing to!?
Dave: Cuz I`M COMING TOO!!:))
Dahlia: (faking a frown)Oh no! Now GO...cuz I tell thee so!
For I`m not thy wife / never in your lifeThat`s when Dave/ got pissed/ and said F - 2 - U/ She said F - U- 2!!!:))))
Colin`s Letter To The Romans - regarding his trip to Oregonia - capital of Athenia, home to Dave and Dahlia - addressed to Emperor Mellenezad (His Majesty, King George Algier the First, Supreme Head Of the Great Kingdom of the United States, Canada and Ireland) and ruler-in-exile of the ancient roman empire :
in the horizon
remindful of the days
of Mesopotamia
Some called them dummies
others called them zombies
all of which was based
on gross misconceptions
`Cause one was a genius
addicted to Calculus
one claimed amnesia
one claimed insomnia
one named Aphrodisiac
reverent to Zodiac
But one strange thing I noticed
They all were singing
juicy songs of love
They said:
Padda-piddy
piddy-lay piddy-lay
padda-piddy piddy-lay
He was cautious - however - to omit another song that followed. They (aliens) harbored the belief that all men and women must be proud of (and not ashamed of) whatever god created on and in them. And in the intrinsic value of his command that, In ALL that you do, ACKNOWLEDGE my name!! ALL meaning, 100%. As such, worthy of praise and thanksgiving, hence their contagiously sweet rock 'n' roll song:
This dick that i have / the world didn`t give it to me
This dick that I have / the world didn`t give it to me
The world didn`t give it
and the world can`t take it away!
(I said) This dick (clap! clap!)
This dick!(clap! clap!)
the world didn`t give it to me
I said this dick (pause pause)
This dick! (pause pause)
the world didn`t give it to me (repeat)
As the world didn`t give it
so the world can`t take it away
Then the women sang : This pussy that I have...
Then: These titties that I have...etc etc until all words of body parts (that "rhymed") were added:
(Then came a military-sounding voice):
Ask the folks in Hollywood! (united voices sang: The world didn`t give it to me!)
Ask the folks in Inglewood
(The world didn`t...)Ask the folks even up in Beverlywood..they`ll say the world didn`t give so the world can`t take it away!
You can tug on it all you want
Hooga-chaka hooga-chaka hoo hoo hooga-chaka!
Bug me about it all you wantHooga-chaka hooga-chaka hoo hoo hoo!
But the world didn`t give it / so the world can`t take it away
One..two.. three!
Oo oo whee!
they can`t take it from me - e - e / (oh no)
God gave it to me for free (yea yea)
As the world didn`t give it
so the world can`t take it away!
The serious expressions on their faces as they sang and danced joyfully, has never escaped my mind.
- Place: Athenia - Date: December 11th, 1999 - THE FIRST
SEDUCTION - Dave and Dahlia alone in her Psychic room
And it came to pass that on this day, Dahlia the Psychic relates to Dave about a dream she had recently, in which the two of them were having intercourse together. She then skillfully uses that story to seduce him. Dave grants her wishes by mounting himself on Dahlia`s nakedness, and proceeds to "service" her, in perfect synchronization to the rhythm of a love song, by romantically plumbing the depths of her lower orifice, much to her satisfaction:
Dahlia : "Rock thou my world, O crazy cockmonster! Knowest not thou that my soul craveth for thee? Release thou thy inhibitions, and let the innermost walls of my clitorical attributes encapsulate the thrust of thy hardened manliness, O gorgeous cockasoid! She says, sounding more british than ever( definition of Cockasoid: a sexually-charged male - Colin`s Cyber Dictionary ).
The morning came too soon
Before the fading of the moon
Lost in love / a way of love
With pillows on the sunlit floor
No denying / no regrets
I felt love right from the start
And you know love can please a craving heart
So love / steal my heart body and soul
In A Million Ways
'Cause making love is part of being in love
It takes a union of two people
And A Million Ways To Love
I wasn't searching when I met you
Heaven knows this much is true
Your tender touch / your sweet words
Oh the joy they bring
Will you love me
I mean really really love me
Forever love me in A Million Ways
Dave complies with Dahlia`s sexual request; even in his semi-hypnotic state of mind. As I listened in (eavesdropped), I could hear Dahlia almost ordering that Dave optimizes his sexual performance:
Dahlia:"Why screwest thou me as though thou hast no life in thee?" (she asks, angrily.) "Know ye not how to please a sex-craving vixen?? Behold, I am Dahlia - proclaimed Mistress of the Dark and of the Light. So, pound it! I demand of thee." (Propping herself up with her elbows, for better elevation and support). "No pongo en mi culo..okay (whispers Dahlia)? Porkeh tu es mucho grande!(giggles). Only pongo in me banotcha okay? No en me nalga - okay, Davey Boy? Just my choocha.
Dave: Okay (he answers, in a deep but quiet tone of voice).
No en me nalga..okay?
Dave: Okay (again, in the same deep but quiet baritone voice)
Dahlia: Pound it to a pulp!.... And spare not my flesh, I command thee!" (she screams).
As I zoomed in the lenses of my spy camera, I could see Dave trying arduously to deliver, with the extra physical support from Dahlia. The screwmentation goes on - non-stop - for almost three-quarters of an hour.
"Ow!! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?!! DIDN`T I TELL YOU NOT TO PUT IT IN THERE??
Dave: Oops!! Pardon me..it just slipped by accident
Dahlia: Well put it where I told you!Dave complies.
Dahlia: Ooh-ooh! ayah yai!!..Ooh ooh... aya yai!! Mamma-miya! Pepper mucho!!Give it to me..Yes Sir!! Ooh-ooh...aya yai.....! screams Dahlia over and over again in perfect Spanglish and, in perfect rythmic sync (4/4 timing..to the max:)))!!) to the forculational act going on.
She writhes - she flinches - she screams, "Yes! Oh, yes!!! - as the nectar from her juicy nectarine, gently drips unto the light-blue satin sheets.
"Ishakalaka shikalaka!" she screams (first woman to ever speak in tongues at the peak of orgasm. Almost scares the living daylights out of Dave:) )
Once the two of them have done their best, they would lay down - ass to ass - and take their rest.
IN THE CASTLE OF THE PRINCESS
PLACE: London, England, August 17th in the year 2000
A female pianist accompanies the Princess (Sarah), as she tells of her strained relationship with Dave in a song, totally oblivious of the fact that Dahlia is solely responsible for driving a wedge into her relationship with Dave:
We've been together for quite a while
Destiny has brought us yet another mile
How much longer till our restless hearts unite
Filled with sincerity / secured by nature's might
Suspicions of being unfaithful (has) never been proven
Still we're drifting apart /from a love once great at the start
Time Will Tell / Time Will Tell
Could a match made in Heaven be made again
Time Will Tell
Love was the reason we found ourselves entwined
Captured by a spell which now has made us blind
Whatever the cost to make love fair
I'd be glad to pay my share
Straight from the heart you know I would
Dahlia alone with Dave on a Romanesque sofa in the psychic lounge
For the second time, Dahlia uses hypnosis to successfully seduce Dave, by creating images in his mind. Dave comes home one evening from band rehearsals, as he was about to embark on a worldwide tour with his rock group. Feeling tired and beastly hungry, he asks Dahlia what`s for dinner. Dahlia then climbs unto the bare dining table, spreads her legs apart and teasingly replies, "fresh juicy lettuce and a giant succulent beansprout (snids reference to her clitoris:), just for you!! Bon appetite:)))!!" she says with a loud giggle (as in, "eat this!") :))))) Dave is far from amused. He storms into the kitchen, grabs a bag of french fries and gobbles it all up in a matter of minutes.
Dahlia then attempts to hypnotize Dave in order to sexually seduce him. She will not take no for an answer.
Note : In this event, two images are created in Dave's mind by Dahlia:
1. She then continues to put Dave under sexually-controlled hypnotic spell by painting images of Dave and herself flying on a giant, red heart -shaped object and a red baloon trailing it(with subtle anatomical undertone) - the hypnotic image.
Only this time, Dahlia gets more experimental : As Dave lays on the couch in a hypnotic state, Dahlia unzips his pants, and slowly unleashes his sexual "weaponry" - his ""cannon"", as well as his ""cannon balls" (testicles)". She then proceeds to "oralize" his ""hardware"" in a frenzy, by blowing his ""pipe"", while simultaneously squeezing his ""bolus humongous"" (twin airbags / testicles / balls), with the dexterity of a Scottish Bag-Piper, and with the resulting melody of sexual pleasure of ooh`s and ah`s emanating from his mouth, as she "plays" on; ferociously sorculating (blowjobbing) the fuselage of Dave`s "jumbo jet", with reckless abandon.
Just then, there is a knock on the door, much to Dave`s displeasure. As far as he is concerned, there could never be a more inopportuned moment. Not when he is having the moment of his life with the woman he fondly refers to as "Freaky Miss Daisy...instead of Dahlia, her real name:
Rat-a-tat-tat
Who is that
You can stay out there
for all I care
I`m in a session with my lady
freaky Miss Daisy
I can`t open up the door for you
I`ve got Glossy Fingers
Oh yeah yeah
I`ve got Glossy Fingers
I don`t wish to be disturbed this time of day
I won`t tell you what she asked me to do
`Cause it`s not between me and you
It`s a private affair
One I don`t wanna share
`cause it was only meant for me
I`ve got Glossy Fingers
Disregarding the disturbance, the love making continues.
Dahlia then goes down on her knees and performs the lewinsky (dicksuckation)- for the second time - on the rock star:
"I sucketh not thy penile protrusion out of just love, or lust. Oh, no! But out of a combination there-of, lest these gorgeous lips of mine be looked upon as lifeless pieces of meat. For indeed it is my belief that love and lust goeth together like horse and carriage. Alas, my dear stallion, prepare thyself; for I shall now ride thee straight into the sunset of passion! To screw, or not to screw - that is the freaking question. And I, Dahlia, shall be damned if I choose not the former!"
"Well ride Sally ride!!:)"
At which point, she sits her bare self on Dave's "penile hardware", and proceeds to ride on it savagely, like a wild rodeo. Literally giddyupping on it like there was no tomorrow.
Heee-haaaa!! she screams, as she rides on it joyfully, all the way to never-never land.
DAHLIA :
Here we are again in perfect harmony
in a kingdom built on love / just us two
When the wild wind blows
we can never lose our dreams
When the wild wind blows
we can fly on precious wings
FLYING!! in the sky on precious wings of love
FLYING!! to a world where lovers live their golden dreams
FLYING ON PRECIOUS WINGS of love
We're going to a place we've never been before
And way below the sky the morning birds are singing
Chapter 3 b
I saw her from across the street
I felt her from across the street
I smelt her as she passed me by on the crosswalk
once the light turned green
Her petite brown-chocolate body
well-fragranced
as a rose in the crack of a cold and misty morn
Petite, yet so well-proportioned
The helm of her skimpy miniskirt
could have been no more than an inch or two
away from the tips of her young vaginal lips
If she had as little as bent over
to touch her knee with her pointer finger
all her most private areas
would have in effect lost their privacy
so to speak
My mouth watered
as I entertained wild thoughts
of mutual sexual engagement
between this lady and I
How old could she be
18 at least - I hope
God, how I hope she is 18!
Interestingly enough, that young mini-skirted girl Dave saw in his dream, was the same person, now fully matured and introduced to Dave by Princess Sarah. That girl was in fact Dahlia
Chapter 4
Dave And Dahlia In A Botanical Garden in the outskirts of
Monaco
- Squabble Ensues Over Dahlia`s alleged Dalliances
Dahlia raises serious concerns over a recent burst of jealous rage by Dave, and warns him that such behavior was likely to cause a problem in their relationship. She points out a most recent incident in which Dave tried to pick a fight with one of her male clients whom he had accused of accepting "complimentary sexual acts" from Dahlia, an argument that Dave himself had initiated, by making all kinds of forculatory gestures at the client.
On that occasion, Dave had stormed into Dahlia`s Psychic room unexpectedly, suspicious of something of a sexual nature going on between Dahlia and a male client. He noticed that Dahlia and the client were completely shocked to see Dave home so early. They were both perspiring and out of breath and both were smoking cigarettes - something which Dahlia would usually only do after engaging in a sexual act. He also noticed the client`s jacket was crumpled and misbuttoned, causing the right side of the jacket to be longer than the other. He immediately accused her of putting her ""vital substance on the open Market" (prostitution)". The male client, a dimunitive Middle-Eastern fellow named Ali Bahktali, who spoke with a strong foreign accent, tried to explain to Dave that he was only there to have his future told :
Ali -"Please Sir, I not here to fuckee wiss za lady, Sir....no, Sir! Me, I only here to askee za lady to tellee forr me za future, Sir...", the poor guy struggled to explain, in his broken English. But Dave angrily replied:
" I would give not a rat`s ass, nor a donkey`s bols, what be the purpose of thy visitation. As long as thou sittest in the presence of my fair lady - within the confines of closed doors - while the elements between her legs are in plain view - that, alone, beareth justification for some serious ASS-KICKING which shall transpire, should thou choose not to remove thyself from our premises immediately!! Thou art barking up the wrong tree, I can assure thee. And each time thou sayest Woof! Woof!, thou shall get a BOOF! BOOF! central to thy face. And when thou wakest up in the morning, thou shall slowly run thy fingers through my knuckle indentations on thy face and ask of thyself: "Self, what art thou? (in a manner remindful of the grimaces of George The Animal Steel:) Of what species have I become??!"
The client still remained defensive of himself and Dahlia. But, by this time, Dave`s level of tolerance had reached an all time low as he began to spew out a barrage of insults at the client:
"Screw thee,thou termite! Thou bloody nitwit! Thou piece of malformed fungus erroneously characterized as human!! (said Dave loudly.)
Yessirrr...fungus Sir!!! concurred the client.
Hush! Dave barked: I am not done yet!!
Yessirr / Yessir! The client responded.
Dave continues:
Thou pinhead!
Thou dickless Cockerspaniel!
Thou worse than roasted chitlings!
Thou shameless pee-on! Thou piece of flushable unmentionable! Thou stinking elephant`s butt. Thou rotten egg-induced fart! Thou miserable son of a female german shepherd!! Thou pathetic remnant of an experimental mishap!! Thou half-cooked turkey on a Thanksgiving table! Thou pitiful bolsless monkey!! (Dave remorsefully recalls screaming at the client.) "Why goeth not thou into the streets and find thyself some female freakasoidal sex-peddler to screw around with? Thou effing S.O.B.!! Screw thee...screw thee...screw thee!!!" (using his middle finger, fist, and thrusting pelvis, to emphasize the point). His every sentence/phrase/insult requiring a different kind of posture, as though examining the client from a critic`s point of view. Walking around him at times...sometimes with both closed fists on his hips...with the pomposity of a King....stopping suddenly on occasion to examine the client`s face pretty closely....zooming in on his face...so to speak.Dave: I shall now take a circumspective view of thy ugly face, he advises the client, as he proceeds to "examine" him from various angles.
Yessirr...yessirr... was Ali`s usual response. "ugly face sirr!
Dave: "And the key of ""F"" major to you too (cyber-linguistics to fuck you)!!" But the client just won`t stop arguing with Dave.
Dave: (Really losing his cool) What part of ""fuck you"" does thou not understand?" (He asked degradingly of the poor fellah......"...the f-u-c-k or, the y-o-u??" Client: (Totally out of his marbles at this time)"Za..za... f-u-c-k Sir. Za f-u-c-k ...or...or...OR..za vy-o-u sir....I...I not underrrstand anysink sir!!!!!(the poor guy stutters). Dave: Oh shut thy ugly mouth...thou cross-eyed mongoose!!! Thou art so lost...so disillusioned..so far off base..so pitifully malcentered (cyber dictionary link to definition)- it appears as if thy medulla oblongata could not be any farther away from thy brain....thou non-operative..beyond spiritually salvageable thetan (as opposed to an Operable Thetan..see cyb dict for definition) "Take this - "BOOOOOFF !!!(Dave lands an uppercut left jab to the client`s right cheek, spinning him approximately 180 degrees from his original standing position. "Now - how about that for a physical interpretation of FUCK YOU? (Dave asks the client, sarcastically.)
Client: Yessirr!
The client has now suffered an hour-long of interrugation by Dave, and reached out to take a sip of the drink Dahlia had poured him before the start of their Psychic session. But Dave quickly steps his foot on the client`s hand, causing the drink to spill on the floor. The client, unable to sustain his thirst anymore,says to Dave, "Please sirr, can I have somessink to drink? I am verry verry thirrsty sirr." DAVE: I shall not give thee JACK!...SHIT THAT IS!! Diddly squat! (Says Dave in a soft but still forceful tonality.) "Not even the sweat off my bols!!!" (Dave`s voice sounding guttural and laced with anger). Client: "Yessirrr..okay sirr...yessirr...no prrroblem sirr!" Dave: Now, I shall ask you this: Did Dahlia give you any sexual instructions..like touching any part of her body?" "No sir..no sir" replied the client, complying with Dahlia`s secret gestures urging him to deny it.
Dave: "If thou lieth to me, I shall smash thy face beyond recognition. Understood?"
CLIENT: "Yessir..yessirr.. okay sir - I tellee for you za troot sir....za whole troot...nossing buttee za troot sirr!: She tellee to me, "touchee my titty...touchee my peepee...touchee my...my (stuttering) whooshy-whooshy sir (ancient Japanese slang for clitoris:) )...! (stuttering)An` zen..an` zen she say, you licky forr me, I sucky forr you".
Dave: Ah! I`ll be darned! Clitlickation and dicksuckation, huh?!"(his anger mixing with ridicule).
DAHLIA: (covering her mouth and screaming out loud) Puta madre! La grande puta!!(she curses at Ali). I said no such thing!! That`s a freakin` lie...you bastard!!"
DAVE (to Dahlia): " Oh please...spare me the deception! I am all too familiar with thy vocabulary.. It sounds plausible enough. I believe him.
Client: (rubbing it in to save his skin) Yessirrr..it iz za troot sir! "
Cerrar la boca cabron! Ponga la boca en su culo! Pinche perro!!(bellowed Dahlia, in her broken Spanish).
But the poor guy could not comprehend a single word of Spanish while sober - much less in his now inebriated state. He kept on talking. Running his "boca" so to speak.
Dahlia:
"Shut your mouth, pedarast!! (Russian expletive)"
Client: (shaking his head and waving his pointer finger rapidly)
"No..Me no pedarast..your daddy pedarast!..your daddy passionehwhee!!"()" replied the client, surprisingly understanding Russian language).Your mazzar AND your fazzarr......"
"Quiet!!" Dave yelled, before the client would finish his statement. "I will not have you talk to my fair Lady in such a manner!!" Client: (going back to the accusation) "iT IZ TRUE, SIRR! Zat iz exacky-teely (exactly) vot she tellee to me sirr!" DAVE (to client) "Granted...but did you follow her instructions? Did you touch her? " CLIENT: (eyes darting back and forth from Dave to Dahlia) "No sir..I not touchie anyssink sir. I not touchie za bitch sirr!" Dave: (poising to demolish the client`s face for using the proverbial "B" word) "What?? Did thou just call my lady the capital "B" word?? " Oh no sirr!! Sorry sirr!" Dave: (guardedly relieved that it was probably just a slip of tongue) "I thought..!! (responds Dave with an angry chuckle) As if to say, "you wouldn`t dare!" Client:" I..I..tellee to za lady I not vont to touch anysink because I am afraid boyfriend vill get angry wiss me sir." "Fiance!" (snapped Dave in correction.) "Yessirrr..yessir..fiance sirr" (responded the client as he protected his face, thinking Dave was about to deliver another Tyson Special to his face.) But Dave was merely gesturing with his hands while speaking, as usual. DAVE: I shall ask you one last time: Did you touch any part of her like she requested? (Dahlia secretly gestured to the client to say no.) "No sir! Abbee-so-lu-teelee no sir!"(responds Ali). Dave: Wow! Thou speaketh now in collegiate language! Impressive! Absolutely huh? CLIENT: Yessir..abbee-so-lu-teely no sir..I not touchee nossing sir (he said confidently). Dave: Oh, come come the freakin` cause if lying makes thee sweat, thou fool!
Ali - yessirr - come come za - za za vhot sirr??
Spare thyself the agony of recollection and pronunciation, for crying out loud! Thou hast vehemently denied touching her - am I correct? Very well then. I shall examine thy hand. He seized the client`s hand and examined it and realized the client`s fingertips were all "nice and glossy" ! Anger visibly swelled in Dave. "Why you dirty twisted double-tongued primate!! How dare you lie to me? Take this..hiyyyaaaaahhhh!!!!: Dave expertly delivered a kung-fu sidekick to the clients groin area, causing him to bend over and moan in pain. "Ouchee..ouchee..ooh..ooh..ouchee..ouchee ooh..ooh!! Yessir yessir! No morr sirr..pleezee no morr sirr! cried the client, as he cupped his balls with both hands to protect them from further assault. Dave: That should teach you a valuable lesson thou ugly monkey!!" Client: Yessirr..yessirr!CLIENT: (trying desperately to argue with Dave): "Please sirr...you not underrrrstand...I esplain forrr you...Me,..(Dave angrily interrupts him)"Pardon me.." says Dave, somewhat sarcastically - ... since when did an imbecile earn the right to even talk back to an intellectual such as I ??!!" The poor client was too dumbfounded to even figure out how to respond. Note: The test of the client`s self esteem has begun.
"Pardon also (Dave continues) my candid observation that the degree of thy intellect is so low - so lilliputian - so minuscule - it would require the help of a microscope to discern it !!! Taking it closer, thou art so ugly-looking even a baboon will take offense at the mere mention of your name in tandem with his!! Dave then brought his nose a little closer to the client. : I shall now take a whiff of thee, he said. (he sniffs out the client a couple of times. "Thou stinketh!! He remarks. "Yessirr...stinky stinky sirr!! Responded the client (sniffing his own armpits). "Stinky stinky indeed", Dave agreed. Let me take a look at thy attire. Yessirr! the client responds. Dave looks up and down at the client`s crumpled and unmatched suit. "Thy jacket seems as though it was handed over to you in a hurry", said Dave observedly. "Yessirr...yessirr..." agrees the client. "I tellee forr you vhot happen (attempting to deviate from the point:): I has anozzer jacket - a betterr von", explains the client. "But my barrrazzar - za _ mazzar fackar - he takeee my jacket - he sell it to buy kirrack sirr. "Your what...? your barrazzar? Poopology! Pure poopology!!(Dave exclaims). "What meanest thou by the word "barrazzar? No such word in the English lexicon!!. " Dahlia: "He means his "brother!!". "Shhhhhh...I SPEAKETH NOT TO THEE!", replied Dave to Dahlia strongly. "Why deridest thou my client...how dare thee!!!????(screams Dahlia defensively). "A fool he is and I shall minimize him to nothingness!(replies Dave, determinedly). "Continue!" he said to the client. "Yessirr!! the timid fellow replied.
So, I askee to my barrazar - I say - "barrazar, pleezee, tellee forr me zis: Vhy you selleee my lezzar jacket to kirrack-house and vhy you takee za money - twenty dallar - to buy kirrack to seemoke (smoke)..I say pleezee tellee to me vhy you makee za tirrouble (trouble) forr me like zis, brazzar?...I vont to know. But my barrazar - he not say nossing. I askee to him again, barrazar, vhy you not answer forr my question? My brrazzar he say...."
"Oh, be quiet (Dave interrupted). "I shall hear no more about that crackhead brother of yours!!" Dave barked. "Yessirr--yessirr - replied the client hurriedly. ..."And kiss my big brown eyes, for crying out loud!!!" Dave added. The client misunderstood Dave. He puckered up with eyes closed, and attempted to kiss Dave`s left eye. Dave threw a left jab unto the client`s face. "Figurative expression, thou fool! (Dave shouted with the pomp of a King. )"Yessirr yessirr" the the fellow responded, nervously rubbing the area of his face where Dave`s punch had landed.
Dave: Come hither! (he commanded the fellow). Bring thy face a little closer! (the client shockingly complies in his already-destroyed self esteem). Dave then thrust his big right fist into the client`s face, sending him straight across the room. The angry-tyson punch was so severe, it measured 9.5 on the "facial impact scale" (if there`s ever such a thing:))). 10.0 of course, being the strongest! You say "Poof be gone", I say it was more like Booffff be gone....because BOOF!!!!! was the sound that emanated as Dave`s bare knuckles "collided" with the client`s face! "Get off thy butt and come hither again!" Dave barks. The client, dazed as ever does exactly that. To say that he "walked back towards Dave" will be an outright exaggeration. He STAGGERED his way back to Dave, his ego already totally shattered by Dave`s wave of insults. He (the client) was so confused, he could not tell his left from his right; his ass from his elbow. Standing in front of Dave again, he receives further command: Dave: "Stand here, donkey!!"
Client: (apparently totally lost in time and space) "Yesssirr...donkey sirr....hee-haw...haw-hee haw-hee...hee-haw (client acting exactly like a donkey on his knees)!!!!" Dave`s eyes clearly reveals his state of shock. Someone please dart this miserable creature with a tranquilizer for goodness sake!! Exclaimed Dave. "Yessirrr!...goo...goo...goooonessee saykee sirr!! sake sirr!
"Silence!!" Dave commanded loudly. His patience waring thin. "Yessirrr!" was the client`s reply.
Dave : (rather observedly - ) "Thy mother and thy father must have begotten you during a moment of public frivolity - rather than a private attempt to procreate!
Client: Yessirr...prro...pro..prrocrreatee...(the poor guy stutters in an effort to pronounce the word)!!
Dave: Oh hush thy mouth - for thou speaketh slush (Dave barked)". "Yes Sirrr...slusheeee sirr! concurred the "imbecile".
Dave: No. Not slushee! That`s SLUSH...as in two stages below gibberish!! Now, take thy middle finger and stick it up your nose!!
Client: "Yesssirrr ....yessirr!! My middell fingerrrr sirrr!!" He then shockingly takes his middle finger and sticks it up his own nostril - but not before he had guessed without success for over a dozen times which one was in fact, his middle finger....his first guess was his pinkie...then he showed dave his thumb...back to his pinkie...then the pointer..etc...etc....much to Dave`s dismay.
Dave: I`ll be darned!!!...just like I thought! (He exclaimed)...a Neanderthal in our midst!! He says of the client. After the humiliation, he then grabbed the client by the back of his neck, and literally kicked him out the door - one big left foot, right where the sun shineth not - much to Dahlia`s chagrin - And, with the words: "I can now see why even thy own family members would have nothing to do with thee!!Let it be known from here-on and henceforth, that thou art nothing but a pooh-pooh with a capital P!! Understood??" "Yes sir! yessirr!!!..." agreed the client. "..Poo poo sir. Poo poo wiss..wiss.. err....poo poo wit err..capital vhot sirr? Sorry sir... I not rememberr za EXACT letterrr sirrr."!! The Client`s facial expression was, as always, a pitiful combination of fear and stupidity. Ali was also cautious enough to conceal the fact that Dahlia had in fact lap-danced on him singing an Indian song she jokingly made up herself using only Indian-sounding words, since she could not speak the language:
Dahlia: Buchini yea buchini
Ali responds: Hiley hiley hay!!
Dahlia: Macadu yea macaduAli: Hiley hiley hay!:)
Dahlia: Buchini and Dickaroo
Ali: Hiley hiley hay
Dahlia: simply just want to kissaroo
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay!
Dahlia: But not so with Booty-Loo
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
Dahlia: she just wants to fuckaroo
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
Dahlia: After she gets fuckedaroo
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
Dahlia: she then goes on to wiperoo
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
Dahlia: But not so with Buchini
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
Dahlia: she goes on to walkaroo
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
Dahlia: Then she will start to hopperoo
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
Dahlia: pretty much like a kangaroo !:)
Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay
The phrase "macadu yea macadu" turns out to be of ancient Hindu origin, meaning, "You go girl!!:)
The two would then repeat the sweet melody by imitating the flute of a snake charmer. They would then dance around the psychic room as Ali follows closely behind Dahlia, alternating one palm of his hand to the back of his head and the back of the other just above his waist in perfect timing . "Ancient Indian dancing!" he mused.
Dahlia scolded Dave for "assticulating" himself out of nothing at all. (Definition of "assticulating" - making a fool or an ass of one`s self - Cyber Dictionary. Note: You must emphasize on the "ass-" in order for the word to sound more effective. Let the sibilance drag on a little bit longer, to drive home the point).
Dave, however, tried to justify his behavior to Dahlia, by blaming it all on the "uncontrollable love" he harbors for her:
and we`ve come another mile
you 'n' me baby
I wonder how much longer
till you love me stronger (oh girl)
Should you ever put my love on trial
I bet there`ll be no cause for denial
lack of evidence
Shall prove my innocence
And the judge will read the verdict/an overwhelming decision!!I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
GUILTY of loving too much
I`m addicted to your touch
I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
I wish there`ll come a time
when we`ll walk down the aisle
You 'n' me baby
We`ll do it all with pride
with dignity and style (oh girl)
Should you ever put my love on trial
I bet there`ll be no cause for denial
I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
GUILTY of loving too much
I`m addicted to your touch
I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
H.E. Colin - Narrator - "And then, to boot, the rock star made a vow:
` Promise I`m never gonna leave you
or ever try to deceive you
Let`s stay together forever
Baby till the end of time!
Chapter 5
Attempts To Spoil Wedding Plans
Dahlia proposes to Dave, instead of the other way around. And Dave willingly accepts.
But on the day before their wedding, Dave receives a phone-call from a man named Jeff, who identifies himself as a former client and love interest of Dahlia.
He claims that Dahlia had a sordid past - a history of bizarre behavioral tendencies.
According to Jeff, Dahlia used to start her day with a freaky, early morning
ritual. Jeff claims that after taking her shower, Dahlia would bend
over, butt-naked in front of a full-sized mirror, to rub olive oil on her butt,
while singing :
"Shine! / Shine! / Shine! / I`m Gonna Let My Little Ass Shine
Shine it in the morning/ Shine it in the evening/ Shine it in the noon-time too".
And, that her voice would get louder and louder, as the "ass-rubbing" assumed more frenzied proportions. The louder she sang, the faster and more feverishly she would rub her butt (says Jeff). And, for a grande finale, Dahlia would slowly walk around a burning scented candle, while carefully balancing a rose petal in the crack of her butt as a good-luck charm that she believed would guarantee her any man she desired.
As if that were not shocking enough , Jeff goes as far as saying that Dahlia`s "full service" psychic package offered to her male clients, also included: "High-gloss facial squats" with clit-syrup hot wax, which she would routinely dispense by hovering herself above the client`s face, like in a drive-thru car wash, which she guaranteed would leave her male client`s face all "nice and shiny". It sounds like Jeff is really speaking from past personal experience. But by this time, Dave had really had enough, and was about to hit the roof.
Dave would not have anyone disrespect the love of his life, in any manner, no matter what. Besides, he even suspects that Jeff (who is as drunk as a skunk when he makes this phone call), is nothing but an opportunistic alcoholic, and is making up this ridiculous story in order to either destroy his relationship with Dahlia , or, simply to ride on Dave`s own celebrity status, by selling this juicy story to the tabloids. After all, who, in the world would not like to know about a famous rock star whose psychic girlfriend was screwing her male clients.
Dave : "Heed thou my warning!!! If thou leaketh even as little as a single word about this bloody nonsense to the freakin`tabloids - I swear - I shall sue the freakin`pants off thy behind!! And, for a pretty penny!!"
Jeff (defiantly and with sarcasm): "Well, a "pretty penny" is all you shall get; for I shall file for Dicklomatic Immunity (legal protection against financial screwmentation - Cyber Dictionary. Syn. bankruptcy)"
Dave : "Very well then - mark my word - thou idiot of an earthling. You shall be sitting on a hot wet towel by the time my Lawyers get through with thine ass, or my name is not Dave Mountbatten,thou sorry-ass emblem of human calamity!!!"
Dave is so furious with Jeff, that he calls him three derogatory nomenclatures, all in a single sentence: A "deranged degenerate", an "effing dickrovite" (which is Cyberlinguistics for a son-of-a-b***ch) and, worst of all, he calls Jeff a "third generation baboon". Interestingly enough, Jeff does not seem to mind being called any of these things:) Perhaps he is too drunk to get emotional or, to even feel the least offended. As a matter of fact, the more Dave cursed at him, the more dirty details Jeff would reveal about Dahlia's so-called 'History', including an alleged involvement with a very notorious Fuckshire County transvestite by the name of Bolsa Chica (snide dual references to "chick with bols" or a "nickel bag"), whom, he says, used to bring her weed to smoke.
Dave, however, is not prepared to believe Jeff `s story even though Jeff is able to accurately describe a tattoo on a certain private area of Dahlia`s body, visible only to anyone she must have been intimate with. Equally as hard to swallow, is Jeff`s shocking revelation that Dahlia is, by all accounts, a former high school Teacher-turned-Stripper-turned Psychic. Supposedly, a Teacher of English Literature. which, perhaps best explains why Dahlia possesses such a knack for Neo-Shakespearean eloquence. Unlike Dave, whose own flair for Neo-Shakespearean oratory stems from his long relationship with Princess Sarah. "But how on earth is it possible for Dahlia to have such a strange three-tiered life cycle?" Dave asks himself, even though he himself could not help but notice that Dahlia`s command of the English Language seems well above an ordinary Psychic; and, that her propensity for lewd exhibitionism seems way beyond that of a novice female of vulgarity.
Extremely suspicious of Jeff, Dave requests a background check on him. It turns out that Jeff, in fact, was a unsuccessful 70's musician, who once wrote a terrible song called "Cock-a-by-Lady On A Tree Top"- a song considered so vulgar during the 70's, that no radio station at the time would even dare to play it. The background check also revealed that Jeff once moonlighted as a Dick-monger, selling sexual "services" to rich, lonely and penilo-centric (dick-oriented) old ladies. But, so much for Jeff 's own history:)
Jeff`s Song in its entirety:
Cock-a-by Lady
on the tree-top
When the wind blows
her booty will rock
When the bough breaks
like crispy cornflakes
down falls the lady
booty and all!!:)))
As far as Dave is concerned, he is not prepared to let anything get in the way of his marrying Dahlia. Not even the ""scandalous and fucked-uply ridiculous"" allegations of Jeff the "Dickrovite". Nevertheless, he still confronts Dahlia regarding these new allegations and not only does she deny knowing any rude songs, she even claims that she has never met anyone by the name of Jeff. Furthermore, Dahlia vehemently disavows ever participating in any multi-clitonous (sexual activity involving several women / lesbianic) orgical parties, marked by excessive clit-lickation without licker's license, and random acts of pseudo-penilation ( dildoism).
(Says Dave in the words of a powerful rock song poetry):
that thou hast been cheating on me
I ask myself why should this be
Is the pleasure worth the pain
Can our lovelight ever shine again
[Tell me] How many times
have you shared my love
How many times have you lied to me
Let me know
I need to know
What have I done to deserve this
tainted and diluted love
In the presence of the sky above
you keep giving me a verbal tour de France (long,twisted or indirect response, usually meant to deceive - Colin`s Cyber Dictionary).
Continues the rock star:
It takes my mind back to those days
when we savored our heart`s delightromantic moments in the moonlight
Can we live those days again
Can we kiss in the rain again??
Of all the sexual events that Dave has confronted Dahlia with, none infuriates him more than the one involving Ali Bahktali, the client who claimed to have a "brazzar (brother) who smokes crack:)) Says Dave to Rachel during Dahlia`s brief absence from their living room: "Every blood cell in me still cringes at the mere thought of that orangutan Bahktali rubbing his filthy hands on my fair lady`s peeware" (genitalia - Colin`s Cyber Dictionary).
The argument continues nevertheless, throughout most of the day, until Rachel intervenes for the sake of peace and quiet. Dahlia lightens up the mood upon returning to their livingroom with yet another of her rude and hilarious parodies: "Reach Out And FUCK somebody`s Ass...Make this world a better place..If you can!:))" Dave and Rachel would struggle very hard to conceal their giggles until Dahlia walks away, but just could not help it. One could still hear her singing loudly as she climbs up the stairs to their bedroom. Says Dave to Rachel: "A great Actress and Comedian she would sure make, but for her profound and unglorified rudeness. Or is she?" Dave and Rachel would both shrug in helpless wonder.
(The argument goes on upstairs between Dave and Dahlia) Dahlia to Dave:
"...And should`st thou continue to talk down to me like that Davey Boy, I swear - there shall be no matrimonio! Nada nada! Only TRASHIMONIO! (the brazen Dahlia threatened - clapping her hands loudly - spanking the side of her hip while poking fingers in Dave`s face as usual). .. for I shall throw all my bridal attires in the trash!! EN LA BASURA!!" A true wake-up call for the hyper-ventillating rock star:).
Dave calms down, as he begins to dress-up for the bachelor`s eve party being given by his musician friends, featuring Private Dancer Lady Sonora - "a/k/a The Dildocentric Nymphomaniac".
Chapter 6:
In a secret hideaway up in the hills of Monaco, Lady Sonora electrifies Dave and his musician friends, with her erotic peformance, accompanied by her signature tune entitled, "Doing My Thing/Minding My Thing", as she skillfully toys with a psuedo-penile object (dildo or, dilly, in Cyber Linguistics) while the reggae/hip-hop song fills the room:
Strange feeling gets me everytime I close my eyes
one that really makes me feel I am captured right in Paradise
Temptations of the night carry on through the daylight
while a voice inside my head whispers to me
I wanna hold you
touch ya
wrap my arms around you
Let me squeeze ya "n" tease ya
But I keep Doing my thing - my own thing
Her performance then assumes a more frenzied proportion, Jamaican style):
Doing My T'ing
Doing My Ting
Everybody knows me like to do my ting
Me ah go do it in da mornin'
ah go do it in da night
Take me lickle dilly an' shove it outa sight
And "shove" she did!
(The crowd goes wild and whistles endlessly)
Chapter 6b
Dave Has Wet Dreams About Dahlia
Song (by a female voice similar to Dahlia`s)- as he hears it in the dream:in the presence of the moon
There`s got to be a reason
Angels, be with us on our way
Spread thy wings to guide us
so we don`t go astray
Maybe just you and I
getting signals from the sky
How far are we going
What`s the limit
Chorus:
We are sailing beyond the naked world
where there`s no sadness
no trouble or pain
It`s the perfect place for making love
All our inhibitions washed away by the rainbeyond The Naked World
Chapter 7-
THE WEDDING OF DAVE AND DAHLIA - The Bells Of Monaco toll The Wedding Couple
A throng of guests - from top luminaries including the Prince of Monaco and all the great scribes of Israel and Ireland - Croatia and Romania - to hangers-on and wannabies - descend upon the beautiful city of Monaco to bear witness to the great occassion.
Dahlia`s own partial Guest List included the likes of:
Pashtawi - the Nebulous Freakasoid from the Kingdom Of Showa, whose propensity to sexually engage two men simultaneously, earned her the nickname "The Double Dutchess"!:)Considered nebulous because she is always accompanied by an attendant spraying white mist on her wherever she goes. Making her real identity mysterious. Even the men that she has ever made love to would swear they have never seen her face, as she only makes love covered in white smoke. Considered one of the wierdest spirits of our sexual neo-cosmos. High Spirits powerful enough to see her face, describe her as tall with long slender legs, fair-skinned, extremely gorgeous with the eyes of a tiger.
Ginsha,the High Priestess of Madrona and a descendant of Cleopatra
Kijack,the Female Monster - a 6foot 2 inches mountain of a lady with enough meat on her back that will put many a giant walrus to shame. Hence the name "Kijack" meaning, a human walrus. Walrus on two legsZania, estranged sibling of Neffatiti and Heir Apparent of Goombayland
Bolsa Chica, the weed-smoking hermaphrodite
Willimina - oldest daughter of Willie The Pervert of SodomiaJacoby - youngest son of Jason The Crook of Fiducia (pronounced "fee doo shia)
Gayo, the 14th son of Dingiswayo of Zululand
Adrian The Eunoch
Seejay - son of Colin The Terrible of Salonica and Grandson of Samuel the Government Printer of Aberdeenea, and great-grandson of Frederick of Kent
Alphonzo - third husband of Figarro
Ebenezer, a 5th cousin - twice removed - of Nebukadnezzar
Not a single fellow Psychic of Dahlia would show up, though some r.s.v.p.`d. Also visibly absent from the wedding are the world`s biggest twins from the Island of Samoa: Mount Penny-Toobo and Monte-Negro. Though both ladies rsvp`d, they were asked to get off the bus on which they were traveling to the wedding, in order to make room for 12 more passengers - much to Dahlia`s disappointment. It is well-known within the circles of Dahlia`s former high-school mates that she routinely befriended big strong girls for protection against fellow schoolmates she would regularly offend by her mouthiness and teasing. Once, as the story has it, a whole crowd of schoolmates she had offended were waiting outside of school grounds to kick her butt - literally:) It was a well-known fact that when this skinny little junior high school kid was seen running across the school fields at the rate of a hundred miles an hour with at least a ten yard lead ahead of her angry female pursuers!:))- half of the story would already have been known: That Dahlia must have teased someone or most times - a whole group of girls at least 2 or 3 grades higher than she was:) - and was now being pursued by the offended!:) The other have being , "what did she say this time? Who did she just call some offensive name? What parody did she just sing to piss someone of...etc etc:) Little skinny Dahlia, as she was in her highschool days, had gone into the ladies restroom and peeped into every occupied cubicle while singing: Deep and wide / Deep and wide / There are fountains flowing Deep and Wide (a snide reference to the girls sitting on the throne easing themselves:). All the while doing rude booty dances to emphasize her x-rated reference: hand motions...butt-squats...knees crisscrossing etc etc:))!. As the angry mob waited outside, there came Dahlia being carried on Kijack`s back, through the crowd, as she stuck her tongue out to further piss-off those she had offended. And as the two of them (Dahlia and Kijack) stormed past the angry mob, it was as though nothing majorly scandalous had just taken place in the school`s confines. For Dahlia (still on Kijack`s back engaged in a series of "Granny jokes" with Kijack. Kijack to Dahlia: "Your granny is so old, she doesn`t even have a last name!:))!
Dahlia to Kijack: Well, your granny is so old, she`s been over the hill five times already; and folks had to tell her, "please don`t come back now`hear??!!:))))Kijack: "Well, my dear, your granny is so ancient, Abraham (bilblical) divorced her ass when she was only nineteen!!!..And we`re talking OVER FIFTEEN HUNDRED YEARS AGO!:))))
Dahlia: Your granny gets so much on people`s nerves, she went to the cemetery to visit her dead sister, and her dead sister told the other dead folks: "TELL THAT BITCH I`M NOT HERE!!!" :)))
Kijack: "Let me see...well, your granny is so old, her birth certificate was written on a scroll!! It says, "Date Of Birth - twelve hundred B.C. ! Species: Unknown!!!:))) :))
And Kijack herself, laughed so hard at her own joke, a bubble of snort blew out of her nose by accident:))
Everyone was scared of all three of Dahlia`s big-boned lady friends, notably, Kijack, Mount Penny-Toobo and Monte Negro a/k/a Umbra and Penumbra. So-called by their schoolmates because it was often said that these twins (with a total combined weight of 950lbs)- when standing face-to-face - would cause great shadowy darkness to befall the entire western hemisphere!:))
Dave`s Partial GuestList - top dignitaries, entertainment industry heavyweights, fellow Rockmates from all over the world - including the likes of Unscrupulous Anonymous a/k/a John M (famous for his killer comedic rock songs such as,"2q + 2q = 4q2" - the world`s first algebraic rock song):
But all she did was show me her bra
I was sitting there learning bloody nothing
while she was busy flashing legs and thing:)
Then she had the guts to ask me
she said , "2Q PLUS 2Q is what?"
This was all that I could say:I said:
2q + 2q equals 4Q2!
That`s right!:
2q plus 2q = fuck you too!!:)
It`s called, "Advanced Algebra!!
Yeah yeahAdvanced Alegebra!!:))
As well as The hilarious rock song, The Law Of Diminishing Vaginal Returns (Advanced Economics):
"The less money a man makes
the less pussy he`s gonna get
Does anyone wanna bet?
Then bring it on / Yeah!
I read it in a book in school
and I`m not an Economics fool
It`s called The Law Of Diminishing Vaginal Returns!:))
Other world famous artists such as Non-Genius (known especially for the power-rock song, "Please Don`t Call Me A Genius"
"I have had my own share of tribulation
much more than I care to mention
From financial, to things more confidentialBut still I made it through." As well as hilarious song, "Cock-a-doodle-doo Is Not A Dirty Word!:)
The Notorious Vicious Kaynine a/k/a "Mean Doggy Brown" - the rocker whose killer hiprock Rap song "One On One With You" rocks the world of video-games - from his album titled, Dickeronomy Chapter 1 !:):
It was half-past nine
on a cold winter`s night
a cute young lady came into sight
Well-groomed hair
braided in pink
I didn`t know what else to think
So I said:
Hey...Poodle...what do you say
This dogmonster wants to get with you
Hey poodle tell me..what do you sayI`d like to get it on with you
I wanna get One On One With YouI wanna get my freaky-dicky thing on you
Yeah - One On One With You
Gorgeous canine
would you be mine
can you let our lovelight shine
as we do the things freaky lovers do
Would you like to come undone with me".
Goes the hilarious lyrics of another, titled, Dickmentality:
Why does this thing between my legs keep pulsating
to the point where it starts vibrating
Nothing but the Dickmentality in me
I keep imagining upskirt flirtations/ while rude babes are giggling/ begging me to chase themto see what they are wearing
underneath their bright-colored dresses!!:)
Nothing but the dickmentality in me
The Wedding party Gate-crashers List:
Jeff, The Dickrovite (Cyberlinguistic for a "son-of-a-bitch") and Ali, the unbelievable intruder - the so-called twisted Punjabi Middle-Easterner.
In a lavish ceremony, Dave and Dahlia joyfully exchange their vows, in the presence of a huge gathering of guests from the entertainment and modeling industries.
As the couple and their maids and groomsmen march out of the cathedral, one female guest reaches out and attempts to hug Dave; but Dahlia jealously pushes her away, and proceeds to hold a tighter grip of Dave's arm, as they continue marching on along the aisle. After all, Dahlia considers this day as the greatest day of her life. A Princess for a day! A psychic to the rich and famous, now married to a very popular rock star! Dahlia "Daisy-Lou" Sanchez - alias, Maria Wantanamerra - is now officially, Mrs. Dahlia Mountbatten.
Note: The song begins to play right at the start of the procession leaving the chapel:
You're just what I've been praying for
That special love to call my own
Until the day you came / life to me was like a masquerade
without a song or a band being played
You said we've only just begun
You called yourself the lucky one
That you've found in me sweet love
one that runs deeper / even more / than any love you've ever had before
My Favorite Word Is Love / My Favorite Word Is Love
Of all the things you say / to me everyday
love makes my heart and soul complete
Yes I know it's plain to see
My Favorite Word Is Love
Note: The second verse of this song has been deliberately omitted for this scene, as her dream of getting married is now being realized. It is replaced with a surprise pipe-organ rendition of Colin Peter Palmer's ultra-dramatic musical masterpiece, "A Fairytale Wedding", excellently performed by none other than the maestro himself.
The newly-wedded couple and their entourage would then exit the cathedral, and are immediately swamped by a large pool of paparazzi eager to capture the Kodak moment to which Dave and Dahlia would graciously oblige. Notwithstanding that, Dave's Lawyer and Publicist had cautioned him to expect some grueling questions from certain reporters, regarding Dahlia's alleged infidelity and, that he should remain taciturn in the event, allowing his Publicist to field all such related questions.
And, true to form, one ruthless Reporter begins to grill Dave about the
bizarre sexual allegations regarding Dahlia. Just then, his angry Publicist
fires back by appropriately quoting the words of Colin, the Neo-Shakespearean:
"What-so-ever thou gleaneth not from a horse's mouth, thou shalt
glean from a cow's behind! (Simply put, less than first-hand information is
usually a load of bullshit:)"
Completely taken aback by the Publicist's unexpected verbal preparedness, the ruthless Reporter immediately retreats, feeling emotionally castrated and debolsified, leaving behind the well-intentioned remnants of Reporters, who are determined to simply enjoy the happy returns of the day, from a brighter perspective.
Chapter 8.
The Wedding Reception
At an elaborate wedding reception held at the fabulous Cherry-Grove Castle - floating dome-shaped white structure surrounded by the Mediterranean Sea, Dave gives a very short speech in which he unreservedly refers to Dahlia as his "appetizer, main course and, dessert, till the end of time"; triggering a round of applause from the crowd of well-wishers.
Dave then chooses a beautiful rock ballad, "Second To None", penned by songwriter extraordinary, 7Scribe7, and performed live by his fellow musicians of the rock group, Non-Genius And Friends . After which, an ever-memorable song of Dennis Rousauss, "Trying To Catch The Wind", romantically steals the midnight air of Monaco - and can be heard as the party-goers slow-dance their hearts away.
And the children all sing, "We Shall Dance, We Shall Dance!"
Dave joins the performance as lead singer, as he proudly sings and slow-dances with Dahlia, amidst the large gathering of happy guests - A great Neo-Shakespearean lovesong of Solominic origin, as recorded by the Irish. Here, again, paparazzi galore!! :
Look at thee now \ outshining all the stars
Even the gorgeous moon would hide its face
So pure and so simple \ as fresh as the morning dew
Thou makest even the morning birds seem out of place
Let`s go kissing in the sky
Thou need`st not thy wings to fly
let`s go straight to my world / that was built for you and I
No other girl shall substitute \ for all the joy thou contributeth
to my world
And as far as I know \ thou art Second To None!!
I`d rather be lifeless \ than to let thee walk away
I`d rather have my mind in disarray
Thy smile is so precious \ than diamonds and pearls
Precious than any other gem on earth
Let`s go kissing......
This is my message straight to thine heart
It`s time to rise and play thy part
(Let`s go kising in the sky....There is not a better way
A better way for me to say
Daisy, thou art Second To None
Chapter 9
The Honeymoon Night
At the Cocoanut (The address of a mysterious jukebox) Chalet, the couple dance till almost past midnight. Calypso and reggae like never before. They were entertained by singer/comedian, Lord Barry Tone who tells the crowd about a girl who was dancing rather provocatively at a street carnival as she tries to win the heart of a young African Prince who was out searching for a new bride, not realizing her mother (a very strict and over-protective lady) was hiding in the crowd watching her in a state of shock as she danced rudely with the shy Prince.
The calypso song goes:
I went to baccanal
a yearly festival
with scantily-dressed ladies dancing just to tease
There came a lady wearing cut-up jeans
She was dancing very rudely with an African Prince
She never noticed her mother in the crowd
looking pretty angry and far from proud
Chorus: When her mama saw her dancing like that
she said NO! THAT`S NOT MY CHILD!
When she said mama I am dancing to earn his wedding ring
Mamma said, "THEN GO ON, GIRL! SHOW HIM WHAT YOU GAT !
My! My! My!
By this time, continues the storyteller, the crowd is getting really loud...go ahead!!! Go ahead!!! they cheered. The carribean song continues..."...
She bent like this (mooning)...and then she did like that (bump and grind!:) )...
She said / pardon me if my boody is too fat
You would think they were gonna do the real lover`s thing before the night was over
You would think they were gonna do the real lover`s thing
Make no mistake..she was dancing for a wedding ring
(And the crowd goes): "My! My! My!"
-
It is now almost 2 in the morning, and the Reggae boys are still rocking the crowd:
At 1860 Cocoa-Nut Grove
It just goes on and on
Oh what a music treasure-troveAt 1860 Cocoanut-Grove
- the address of the World Famous Coconut Chalet owned by a close friend of Dave`s, that is notable for possessing the world`s most popular jukebox.
After their first night out during their honeymoon, Dave and Dahlia return to a hotel resort in the beautiful Island of the Bahamas, where they kiss each other passionately at the foot of the stairs. He then sweeps her off her feet and proceeds to carry her majestically, up the chandelier-lit stairs, leading to their honeymoon suite of the Palazzo resort.
Note: A beautiful song starts to play the moment he picks her up, till they disappear up the stairs, while the lights emanating from their bedroom window lend credence to their presence. They both stare into each other`s eyes as their bedroom lights automatically go dim, and imaginary fireworks light up, stealing the midnight sky.
I thought the day would never come
when two of us would breathe as one
What started out as a fancy escapade
has blossomed into vows being made
You said you saw visions
You said you heard the church bells ring
Little did I know that they were meant for you and me
THERE'LL BE FIREWORKS like in real life
All those splendid colors will steal the sky
All because of you and I
THERE'LL BE FIREWORKS like in real life
'cause we'll both behold great moments to our delight
as we celebrate sweet love tonight
No more mountains left to climb
No more doubts within my mind
Now I know the difference between love and lust
Ignoring either one may be unjust
'Cause if lust can exist within the frame of love
it could be an added blessing
and we'd give thanks to the stars above
Chapter 10
Dave and Dahlia Cozying Up By The Fireplace In Their Living Room
Dave Is In The Mood For Some "Forcromantic Dickspensation" (see Colin`sCyber Dictionary for meaning)
As Dahlia lays half asleep on the floor with Dave, he tries desperately to suppress his urge to fondle her nakedness and instead reaches out for his guitar, and proceeds to sing her a beautiful " romantic lullaby" (as he calls it) which is satirically-laden with his suppressed sexual desires.
Recline yourself right next to me
Turn off the light
Stay close / sleep tight
In your quiet sleep / should you dream of you and me / making love so tenderly
so good it wakes you up
Share your dream with me tonight
WAKE ME UP/ TURN ME ON
Share your dream with me
WAKE ME UP/TURN ME ON
Relax your mind/ reveal your love
Don't hesitate
My sweet love can't wait
Chapter 11
Dahlia Is accused Of "Flashing" A Client
Things, however, would start to get sour between Dahlia and Dave again, as he begins to become very suspicious of Dahlia wearing provocative clothing whenever a male client was in the house.
He soon begins to accuse her of flirting with other men, which she flatly denies and is visibly hurt by the accusations. He further accuses her of " mooning" one of her clients, as she was running up the stairs, and revealing her beautiful floral silk panties.
He screams at her, calling her a worthless "clitogenarian" (Cyberlinguistics for a slut or a strawberry - according to Colin`sCyber Dictionary).
Further accusations which Dahlia also vehemently denies, also include the allegation that she occasionally performs complimentary lap-dances on her male clients, to keep them coming back.
Dave remains very furious about all these accusations, which he considers to
be very "un-clitogenic" (unbecoming of a lady - Colin`sCyber
Dictionary).
Dahlia tries to appease him by dressing up in bright red lingerie and trying to seduce him as a sign of her neverending love for him. She is so confident that Dave would yield to her sexual demands.
Dahlia is totally disappointed, however, and expresses "remorse" (ahem!:) albeit in a parody with her hands behind her back, suppressing a giggle as always, rocking slowly and apologetically with almost childlike innocence:
I won`t Stick my boody
out the window
if it`s going to drive you insaneI Won`t stick my boody out the window
No never / oh never again
(shaking her head as if she means it:)
She goes down on her knees prayerfully, sobbing bitterly as she pleads for sexual mercy as though her life depended on it:
Oh please, please, please, dick maestro..I beg of thee. If thou could only oblige me just this once, I promise..(sobs and sniffles)..I promise - I - I - shall forever be faithful to thee" (sob, sob, sob).
Dave remains unconvinced and adamant: "A tart thou art. And I dislike such (he says, arms folded and looking away with complete disinterest). Dahlia`s mood suddenly changes to anger, seeing she could not get her way. Thou art just as guilty as I, coming to think of it", she says finally.
Dave: What meanest thou by that?"
Dahlia: Well, (wiping her tears with a handkerchief) for one thing, thou art a rock Star who traverseth the globe on concert tours, surrounded by a bevy of gorgeous babes. Art thou trying to tell me that thou hast never ever had the urge to just reach out and fuck someone? Huh?
Dave: Never!!
Dahlia: Yeah right! And my middle name is Bimbo (snifle)!
Dave: Well, Bimbo it shall be from hereon and henceforth if that be thy wish!(he responds, with an equally witty sarcasm.)
Dahlia: (Taking a deep breath - hands on her hips and long deliberate strides as usual - as she is about to speak her mind):
"I have made this point quite clearly to thee in time past, Davey; and, I shall make it again: I am not thy property! Betrothed, yes, we are. But thou owneth me not! And, thou owneth not my boody, nor my punani - neither in whole, nor portions thereof!! Moreover, thou pisseth me off far more than thou pleaseth me!! What more dost thou desire? Have I not bent over - literally - for thee(spanking her own butt to express the point) - so that thou mayest avail thyself of my sweet elements of post-virginity? Why accuseth thou me then, of promiscuity, far beyond that which I am guilty of?
Indeed - truth be told - many a horny man may have come and gone through these doors of ours. But far be it for me to shoulder the multitude of accusations being levied against me. For not one single instance did I accept - or demand - any fuckpensation (monetary reward for sexual favors) from any male client ; no, not one; lest I be deservedly labelled a Clit-monger." (She pauses briefly). "Perhaps...(pause)...perhaps I must justify the status quo (she says, thoughtfully). Thou callest me a slut? Then, a slut I shall be!" (She says resolutely)
She then walks briskly to the east end of the living room, climbs up on the window sill, hacks up her skirt well above her waist, and literally moons the whole world passing by below in broad daylight, shouting:
" Come one, come all! Ye dogs of men and mortal women and partake of my sweet elements of frivolity!(she yells jokingly) Kiss thou my ass! Tongulate (lick) my butt-cheeks...my embrocated backside!" She orders. "And penistically invade their surrounding hills and valleys below! Yea, I command thee - slide down these slippery walls of Androsia"(a snide reference to her private parts). "My chastity belt, once well in place, no longer here exists. So, stand in line. Two abreast! And put thy manhood to the test!"
She then maintains the rude and sexually compromising posture for a little while,then walks back, to confront Dave, once again:
"Very well!" She says to him. "I have made the cattle call. Art thou satisfied?"
Dave remains stunned, and taciturn. But deep down inside, he sees a striking resemblance between Dahlia`s mooning-over-the-window event, and the butt naked-in-front-of-a-mirror incident (the one she had vehemently denied), as alleged by Jeff, the Dickrovite. Nevertheless, Dave keeps this observation quietly to himself. After all, this was the same Jeff, whom he had called all kinds of multiple-digit derogatives, such as : "A worthless fuckaholic, a devout dildocrat and, a pornocratic mawther fawcker (cyber-linguistics for the proverbial M.F.)." (please consult the Cyber Dictionary).
He strongly believes that Dahlia`s feelings towards him were becoming
somewhat diluted, and had lost their sparkle. And, that the mono-penistic
relationship they once enjoyed, had now diversified into frivolous multi-penistic
engagements by Dahlia, with other men. He expresses his feelings: :
Right before my eyes love between us seem to disappear
And before my eyes gusty wind swept the joy we shared
Sure we both know why
Took love for granted and the good times we had
now visions in our memory
A dozen roses / moonlight kisses
jJust pictures of history
So tonight/ ` CAN'T MAKE LOVE WITHOUT LOVE
Oh no/ ` CAN'T MAKE LOVE WITHOUT LOVE
We need a strong appeal to the heaven above
'cause tonight/ ` CAN'T MAKE LOVE WITHOUT LOVE
Like the midnight sky in the absence of a sparkling light to make it bright
this whole love affair is so devoid of things that show we care
' makes it so unfair
Let's bring back glory days
in a million simple ways
and love will last forever starting tonight
Dave and Dahlia would eventually reconcile, and celebrate with some serious lovemaking, lasting till sunrise.
Let`s Heat Up The Night
with candlelight and flowers
Let`s Heat Up The Night
And may the candles burn forever
: The Morning After
Dave Re-affirms His Commitment To His "Fair Lady" (Dahlia):
As the moonlight waved good-bye
and the daylight seized the sky
you and I were making love
like we did the night before
One thing I know for sure
I`ll love you even through rainy days
You`ve been right with me from the start Lady Queen Of My Heart We may not be playing a Poker game But to me you shall always be Lady, Queen Of My Heart I know there have been times when our love seemed so unreal We`d argue fuss 'n' fight when every little thing went wrong But in spite of all those years you and I have made it through Oh girl/ we`ve made it through
Re - inserted Excerpts and Scenes:
Dahlia creates an embarrassing situation at a Stars Of Colin Creative Music concert saluting U.S forces stationed in the City of Panama at which Dave was scheduled to perform
Scope: Dahlia jumps off the V.I.P. stand and begins to teach the military band some sweet parodied love marching songs and they all loved it and played along, ignoring their conductor! Some where cute and safe...like "Over There ", Glory To The Stars And Stripes" and other great patriotic songs. She literally steals the show by parodizing a Spanish marching dance song with the word "Maricong" - an unacceptable parodied pronunciation of a similar sounding Spanish word used in the song:), though the entire crowd loved the humour and participated in the shouting of the parodized word at the last four beats of every stanza of the tune. Some could hardly wait and would just shout the word even a few beats ahead of time:))! And she does it x-rated cheerleader style, which prompted higher authorities to almost pull the plug on the event. But Dave was able to overcome the embarrassment with his very emotional and powerfully moving rock tune, "Fare Thee Well Soldiers" , an anthem of dedication to peace - the closing song of the ceremony - thus bringing the event to a beautiful and memorable close :
Fare thee well soldiers
The fight for peace is almost wonBut fight on as though
it`s only just begun
For a world of hate
aught not be a spirit`s fate
How about a better world
behind the Golden Gate
Some are simply waiting
for that final call
Some are dancing in the rain
Some may never see the bright blue sky again
Of One Spirit still are we
one and all
Chapter 12 - During his reverie, Dave Lands A Date With A Super Model
While Dahlia is away one weekend, Dave wanders into a room where Dahlia usually hangs photos of her past and present, famous clients, and he comes across the photograph of a very famous supermodel, named Tarsha. He quickly finds her phone number in Dahlia's Rolodex, and calls her up to express his admiration for her beauty.
Surprisingly, she asks him out on a date with her, which he overwhelmingly accepts.
Dave is so excited about his up-coming date with Tarsha, that he dances nonstop, in front of the supermodel's picture the whole day, making all kinds of sexually-suggestive motions, gyrating pelvis and all, with his stiff masculine ammo visibly darting left and right inside his boxer shorts, even as he dresses up for the date.
It`s almost four in the afternoon
I'm still looking at your Picture On The Wall
I`ll be meeting you at the Blues Cafe
I can hardly wait another day
`Cause I`m the one who is taking you home tonight
Nothing's guaranteed / but I just might get lucky
PICTURE ON THE WALL what are my chances
PICTURE ON THE WALL what are my chances of making out with you tonight
With the really pretty woman in you
Let's take a chance for a sweet romance
I'm gonna make you feel like you've never felt
I'm gonna make you weep like you've never wept
sweet tears of joy
PICTURE PICTURE ON THE WALL
When the real you walks down the street
the whole world stops [to take a look] at you
All eligible bachelors - even married men - will only dream of you
That's all they can do
I'm gonna build a bridge / a bridge of love
between me and (the real) you
PICTURE PICTURE ON THE WALL
A Joyous Moment for Dave And Dahlia -
Dahlia intruduces Dave to yet another edition of her pre-romance love dances - a marching parody of a song from her chilldhood days:)). She yells: "Love soldiers, QUIIIIIIIIIIICK MARRRRRRRCH!!:
If you think I am too sexy stamp your feet
(Thump! Thump!)
If you think I am too sexy stamp your feet
(Thump! Thump!)
If you think I am too sexy
move your body to the beat
If you think I am too sexy
stamp your feet
(Thump Thump!)
If you think that I`ve been naughty SPANK MY BUTT
(Spank! Spank)
If you think I have been naughty spank my butt...(Spank! Spank!)
If you think I have been naughty use up all the strength you`ve got
If you think I have been naughty spank my butt
Spank!Spank!)
If you want a piece of me clap your hand..(Dave: clap! clap!)
If you want a piece of me clap your hand (clap! clap!)
If you want a piece of me / your desire`s my command
If you want a piece of me / clap your hand...(clap! clap!)
If you think that I am funny say ha! ha! (Dave: ha! ha! ha!)
If you think that I am funny say ha! ha! (ha! ha! ha!)
If you think that I am funny
turn my rainy day to sunny
If you really think I`m funny say ha ha
(ha! ha! ha!)
If you`re really feeling horny dance around (Dave: Dance! Dance!) If you`re really feeling horny dance around (Dave: Dance! Dance!)
If you`re really feeling horny..don`t you try to be corny
If you`re really feeling horny dance around (Dave: Dance! Dance!)
If you think that I am funny / Say ha! ha! (Ha! Ha! Ha Ha!::))))
If you know that I am juicy / lick my clit
(Dave: Lick! Lick!)
If you know that I am juicy / lick my clit!
(Dave: Lick! Lick!)
If you know that I am juicy - And you`re sure I`m not a floosy
If you know that I am juicy / lick my clit
(Dave: Lick! Lick!!:)
Chapter 13
Dave At Rachel`s House
Confused about all the women in his life (Princess Sarah, Dahlia, and supermodel Tarsha), Dave seeks advice from Rachel - an American-born Southerner and resident Professor at Dublin University - his closest confidante:
Dave: "It is far from flattering that I find myself so helplessly torn between three female forces of attraction, with each woman just as alluring as the other and, each in her own way.
Yet, I dare not feign to hold that the one who carries a crystal ball, and shamelessly characterized by such salacious mannerisms, is not the one who attracts me the most. Blended with her flagrant expressions, explorations and exploitations of human sexuality, Dahlia possesses arcane powers that transport me to sexual dimensions I have never once contemplated nor envisaged.
But if I must describe with any degree of accuracy, my innermost feelings for her, I could not help but fall short of superlatives adequate enough. Suffice it to say I find myself totally captivated by her powers, almost beyond redemption!"
Yet, (adds the rock star in poetic fashion exposing his state of confusion):
..she`s like Lighting Candles In The Rain
Trying to ignite old flames again
But once the leaves of love have blown away
bringing then back again
is like Lighting Candles In The Rain
After listening to Dave attentively, Rachel poses the much tangential question:
Rachel - "So, are you of the opinion that of all the available choices of women out there, Dahlia is the one that`s best for thee? Even though her personality runs the gamut from the mediocre to the lowest on the social ladder....barely high enough to mingle with the creme de la creme of society, yet low enough to moon an entire crowd of passers-by out of pure vulgarity.......a woman who has been characterized as "Rudeness Personified".......that`s the woman you think is best for you?"
Dave (confidently): "In all sincerity, it would be cybermoronic for me to desire otherwise" (definition of "cybermoronic" - this word is used to describe a complex situation in which two opposing viewpoints can be both wrong and right at the same time - as coined by author Colin Peter Palmer).
"A floozy she may be, but a tramp she is not", Dave continues.
Rachel (quizzically): "Oh? How so???" (she asks).
Dave replies with an almost Professoral flair, much like he would lecture in his Musicology and guitar classes: "Well, you see, my dear, whereas a floozy does it (sex) out of pleasure and out of love, a tramp, on the other hand - I believe - hails from the word "trampoline", meaning, of course, everyone can jump on it. And, not only would it be cyberlogically incorrect, I`d also strongly resent - and take offense to- any such insinuation!!"
Rachel (in a state of shock) replies rather sarcastically: "Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!!!!! (barely avoiding a giggle)"
With that, Rachel then quietly imparts to Dave some good words of wisdom and, taking into consideration Dave`s ultrasensitivity , she chooses her words very carefully so as not to offend him.
Rachel: (taking a deep breath rather pensively): "Well, it is quite obvious that our individual interpretations of those two words (love and lust)are clearly at variance with- and somewhat polaric to- each other. Nonetheless, I shall endeavour to share with you some food-for-thought if it pleaseth thee:"
She then begins to sing to him in her beautiful angelic voice:
One kind of love comes and goes
like a wild river flows
On special nights we`d turn down the lights
when that love comes alive
Then there's true love that lasts forever
more precious than gold
Two kinds of love / Two kinds of love
beating inside a Dream lover's heart
Both sound alike / but they're hardly the same
'cause one is for real / while one is just a DREAMLOVER'S GAME
When we`re making love/ it's only a moment of pleasure
Our passions will rise and quicken our heartbeats
once the moment is right
If we're not in love before we make love
it's A DREAMLOVER'S GAME
Chapter 14
Dahlia Attempts To Walk Out The Door
In a remarkable turn for the worse, Dahlia soon begins to lose most of her highly priced clients, as she no longer appears to be able to predict their future. In some instances, she would even make as much as five conflicting predictions for one client alone, all in one Psychic session.
And, realizing their relationship is crumbling , Dahlia attempts a temporary break-up, promising to return after a few days. But Dave fears she might not come back home and, threatens to divorce her if she leaves. As she attempts to take-off with her bags, Dave tries to block the the doorway of their mansion.
He sings to her using clever idiomatic expressions:
Like the morning sun in summer
you brought joy into my life
Like a shining star on a winter night
you gave meaning to my world
All of a sudden the good times disappeared
I didn't see the writing on the wall
to know we'd lose the love we shared
DIAMONDS WILL BE FALLING OFF YOUR WINGS
DIAMONDS WILL BE FALLING OFF YOUR WINGS
If you've run out of reasons to stay
if you're gonna turn and fly away
DIAMONDS WILL BE FALLING OFF YOUR WINGS
I did a million things to show you
you are more than just another girl
Went the extra mile to prove to you
I was serious when I said "I do (wedding vow)"
"A very beautiful and romantic song!" Dahlia would later admit. "But it`s too little too late." So Dave tries something else. He grabs his acoustic guitar one more time and does a parody, knowing how much Dahlia loves them - something he has never done before - to show Dahlia he even has a keen sense of humour; enough to make her laugh. "He begins:
How many times must a man fall down (Dave fakes a fall)
before he admits that he is hurt
The answer my friend
keeps blowing in the Wind
The answer keeps blowing in the wind
How many times must a man get robbed
before he learns how to hide his loot?
The answer my friends
keeps blowing in the wind
The answer keeps blowing in the wind
Dahlia is amused beyond belief. She could not stop laughing albeit, quietly, mixed with her still semi angry mood. But it is quite clear that Dave has for once ignited her spirit by showing he really does have a pretty good sense of humour afterall. Something Dahlia has never seen in him. All goes well until Dave accidentally adds one more verse to the parody. Wrong move!!):He sings:
How many times must a man get punched before he learns how to watch his mouth
Dahlia suspects he`s referring to the Bahktali incident. All of a sudden a frown wipes out her smile. Then Dave goes on, not realizing the change of facial expression on Dahlia: Yet another verse: "
How many times must a man wed a bitch / before he learns how to choose his bride"
And that just does it. Dahlia couldn`t take it anymore. She storms out of the room, telling Dave where he can shove his dobro (guitar):
Shove thy dobro up thy culo (ass)!! She yells with an accidental giggle and a hiss as usual)
She then storms back in for a grande finale: She picks up Dave`s guitar which he has now set beside him and hands it back to him singing her own new parody -:
"Boy / you`ve got a lot of nerves (begins the song)
Talking trash / I do not deserve
You know / so well
that this kind of thing
screws my day
Still you mess`d it up anyway
Chorus: Go stick this up where it belongs" (speaking about Dave`s guitar up his ass:)))
"where the sun don`t shine
Right up yours / not mine!!
Go stick this up where it belongs
up in thy crack below
where the winds don`t blow!!:))
Dave recognizes the tune from Love Lift Us Up ... . He realizes Dahlia has in fact leveled an equalizer in terms of theatrical counter-parody. This so-called "Queen Of Parody" could not be outdone, he finally concludes. He is left with no other choice but to join in the catchy chorus even though the parody is been directed at him
Chapter 15
Monaco: March 13th 2013 : Dahlia Mysteriously Disappears
Dave's jealous rage continues, with every passing day, making reconciling
virtually impossible. Finally, Dave wakes up one morning only to realize Dahlia
had disappeared without a trace. So too was the long hair on his head (she had cut them with a pair of scissors while he was sleeping).
He is completely devastated, and on the verge of suicide, as he pleads for her return, in solitude irrespective of the hair she had cut-up with a pair scissors. His suspicion is that she intends to save it as a memory item:
A week later, he would sing this song at his home studio in solitude:
I don't want to live alone
if living is Without You
I would give everything I own
for a chance to be right back with you
If I've done you wrong I'll be on my knees
WITHOUT You there is nothing left to live for
nothing - WITHOUT You
Without You there is nothing left to live for
'cause I'm nothing - nothing - Without You
Girl when are you coming home
I heard you just got back from Rome
Baby we'll have candlelight for two
to celebrate a special night with you
If I've done you wrong
I'll be on my knees
Yes, I`ll be on my knees
Chapter 16
Rachel Seeks Another Psychic`s Help In Finding Dahlia
At Dave`s request, Rachel visits another notable Psychic, to help trace Dahlia`s whereabout, after her mysterious disappearance. At which time, a very strange occurence takes place: At the utterance of Dahlia`s name by Psychic Melrose in the presence of Rachel, her crystal ball suddenly changes from purple to dark gray. And the bright blue skies, now a darker shade of grey.
SONG - "Before The Raindrops Fall / Dark Clouds Must Shield The Sky" (a very mysterious and solemn song marked by lightning and thunderstorm )
Narrator: And thunder and lightning, and heavy wind and rain immediately steal the atmosphere. The bright daylight is now suddenly dominated by a scary darkness of mystical proportions. Immediately after the heavy rain subsides, a vaguely familiar voice can be heard singing in the distance. It is a very strange - yet, very beautiful - song, even though the words are almost inaudible, and difficult to interpret. Psychic Melrose believes the voice is that of a restless, confused and, tormented spirit, possibly Dahlia`s. Even Psychic Melrose could not properly interpret the meaning of this unusual and esoteric song.
VOICE OF SILENCE
great relief and strong defense
No raging war of words/ no wielding of swords
Voice of Silence!
Hardly a sign of weakness
(`cause) a state of reticence disguises innocence
And when the day seems all but won
test of strength has just begun
Time to fight back shedding tears
while confidence destroys all fears
with a Voice of Silence
(The voice continues to sing)
VOICE OF SILENCE!
Great choice of {excellence}!
A state of inner peace
A path to endless bliss
At the end of this strange song, the last word "silence", resonates and echoes with a weird kind of sibilance, that sends a cold sweat down Rachel`s spine. This is Rachel`s first time ever visiting a psychic, and as such, she is clearly shocked and shaken by the whole weird experience.
>
Chapter 17
Dave Alone In A Guestroom At The Mansion
The darkness still remains, as Dave experiences his own spooky moments.
He wakes up suddenly, breaking up in sweat, in the middle of the night. In his dream, he has seen Dahlia in the form of a spirit, all dressed and painted in white, from head to toe.
Still half asleep, he rushes outside into the cold and windy forest, barefooted, trying to catch up with the strange-looking figure he had seen in his dream.
His mind is now playing tricks on him. Or, maybe not. He could still see the white, ghostly figure fading in the distance, and could hear the sound of footsteps, and the crushing sound of dry leaves on the ground.
He believes it is Dahlia, though the figure never even turns around when he calls out her name.
Sometimes, the figure would move swiftly, as though its feet never touch the ground, as her long white dress moves in the pattern of the heavy winds.
Dave continues to follow her, staggering helplessly, yet determined to catch up with her.
The eeriness of this solemn moment is beyond description:
Amid the rustling leaves/ on a windy forest night
I find myself trailing on your heels
We`re like the blind leading the blind
but with no meeting of our minds
`cause we keep wandering on/ without a destination
Wherever you go / that`s where I`ll be
If you`re going up/ we`ll both make it to the top
But if you should fall/ I know I`m going down too
`cause baby I`M JUST HOOKED UP ON YOU
If I stumble on a rock
I will not blame it on you
`cause I`m following you on my own free will
I could turn around and go back home
nevermore to roam
But I`ve made up my mind
I`m not leaving you behind
Wherever you go.......
(The chorus continues until Dave and "Dahlia" disappear into the thick of the night).
Fastforward ***
Chapter 18
DAVE IN SOLITUDE
Years go by, and still no word of Dahlia's whereabout.
Dave finally leaves their home unattended, and moves to Tucson, Arizona, to concentrate on his music, sadly resigned to the belief that Dahlia is dead. And, despite friends urging for Dave to give up the thoughts of Dahlia and just move on in life, Dave remains absolutely adamant, as depicted in the words of this powerful rock song soliloquy - as he expresses himself in a semi-transic state:
We exchanged wedding rings
Then we made our perfect vow
in the presence of fellow spirits
as our mutual faith could allow
So, Daisy please! Don`t bring my feelings down
I am far from being a clown
Let`s get this straight:
I don`t care what people say
They may think love escapades
could never last forever
But visions of yesterday
are coming back to me now
Some people called you crazy
`cause you were always flashing
legs and all
But to me you`re a Superstar
What a fine bright spirit you are!
In a strange twist of fate however, Dave starts receiving strange letters in Dahlia's handwriting, with red lip-prints in place of her signature. There is no return address on any of the letters, to trace back to the mysterious sender. Although Dave is somewhat relieved that Dahlia could still be alive, he is still very much saddened by the fact that he may never see her again as Psychic Melrose predicted. With tear-filled eyes and a deep feeling of guilt, he stares aimlessly through a stained glass window. The woman he had become one with, was no more to be seen.
What else can I do to be right back with you
Where can I find love as good as your sweet love
You filled a void inside my heart
when you came into my life
Then you just walked away
giving no reasons why
YOU KEEP WRITING ME LETTERS
saying things are gonna be better
but you never say when you're coming back
so we can live "'n'" love together/ again
So help me if you can
The cards are in your hand
I know you`ve got to make a choice
and I hope your choice is me .
Narrator in closing - Bonus Chapter 19
Rumors Pertaining To Dahlia`s Disappearance
Though some Psychics would base Dahlia`s disappearance on her strained relationship with Dave, there are also unsubstantiated rumors by other Psychics that Dahlia had gone to some ancient European City to try and regain her psychic powers which she had lost as a result of her breaking the number one psychic rule : " Never sleep with clients". And, as she kneels down (so the story goes)in the ruins of this ancient city, she is fatally crushed by falling giant columns.
Even more striking (so continues the story), faded red blood-stains can still be found underneath three fallen giant columns in the ancient city of Rome, coupled with a strange, occasional shrilling cry of a female, resonating from within its ancient walls.
Cyber Romantic Escapades Part Two - Sneak preview - The miraculous
reappearance of Dahlia - Dave unexpectedly runs into Dahlia on distant shores.
Still as beautiful (though seemingly of much riper years) and sexy as ever, but devoid of the frivolities of
yesteryears. Promiscuity once espoused now eschewed.
DELETED SCENE - A video of Rock Star Penistasia performing "Animals" , the killer rock song that ultimately catapulted him to stardom.
Animals!
That is what we really are
when you think about the things men would do for love!!
Most Memorable Scenes of Cyber Romantic Escapades: -
Dahlia returns home pretty late one night, expecting Dave to be waiting up as usual, anxious for her return:Dahlia (slamming the 20ft front door of their castle-like home behind her as she walks in): Knock! Knock! (she said)
"Who`s there"?! asked Dave with a smile, knowing Dahlia was about to tell a funny joke"Maria!!" Replies Dahlia
"Maria Who?" asks Dave
Dahlia (begins to sing loudly): "WANTANNAMERRA! - Maria Wanntannamerra!!:))!!
Narrator - An Indepth character analysis of the three Most Intriguing Characters of Cyber Romantic Escapades - notably, Dahlia, Dave and, the unbelievable Bahktali. For the sake of time constraints however, I shall endeavour to make it a very concise, multicharacter analysis. The most important and pivotal scene in this amazing story (which I deliberately ommited to avoid erroneous preconclusions by any reader or member of the audience:)), takes place in the parking lot behind Dave`s rehearsal studio. Before their first kiss - their very first kiss, folks!..Dave said these very powerful and memorable words to Dahlia: If at any time - for whatever reason - thou findest me in a state of anger - of which thou art the cause - to the point where I could cause primary or, collateral damage, just sing "Puff The Magic Dragon". It was my most favorite song as a little kid. For it is only the little kid in me that has the power to quell my most violent thoughts and actions". End of quote:))In effect, he had given her the key to his heart. Now, take a look at the entire story of Cyber Romantic Escapades where Dahlis honored this request. Nowhere!!! Had she been 100 % faithful, she would not have forgotten such precious powerful words. And Ali the Punjabi middle-easterner would never have taken such a beating. Emotionally and physically.
Last minute prepress update!! Just when I thought I could end the story
right here, I found myself in conversation once again with the amazing Dahlia.
I asked her in my dream - out of curiosity - about the issue of the Puff The
Magic Dragon warning from Dave. Rather than giving me a serious answer, Dahlia
took me by surprise, responding by parodising the very song in question. She
sang lustily:
Fuck The Magic Dragon
who lived by the sea
He screwed all the dragonettes
not rough but tenderly
Fuck the magic dragon...
(I found myself interrupting her at this point). That`s it Dahlia! I
get the picture. Go on with thy bad self!!:)) I said. She giggled pleasantly and her spirit disappeared in the dream.
Narrator: And the Queen of Athenea crowned Dahlia with the most historic
double-digit semi-R-rated award and I quote: "Her name shall be called - from
hereon and henceforth - Dahlia, Queen of Parody, Purveyor of Rudeness!! - Q.P.
/ P.R.:)))! " End of quote!:)))) On that note, the story of Cyber Romantic
Escapades concludes .
While troubling my creative mind as to what should be the most
appropriate opening theme song for this beautiful and fascinating lovestory,
Dahlia miraculously appears to me in a dream singing a song so powerful, I
would consider it the most compelling and most powerful parody in her
repertoire!:)): RockStar
RockStar can you please my craving ass
RockStar can you please my craving ass
I suck`d / your deeeeeeek
You fin / ger`d me
And now / the time / has come
RockStar can you please my craving ass
I vaguely recognize this as an original violin-dominated musical instrumental piece
Featuring: The Stars - and the Songs - Of Colin Creative Music / AFABW :
Place: A blue-lit psychic room. Dahlia, a seductive Psychic, uses humor to calm down Dave, her stolen rockstar fiance, after a prolonged fued between the two love birds. Dave would not be able to keep a straight face when Dahlia first does this act to make him laugh, which he accidentally does, even though he had been determined not to encourage her with her "profound and unglorified rudeness" as he once called it:))). Dahlia in the chorus sings:
"F-or-or.or....or... kkkkk Me In The Morning...Then don`t walk away / We don`t have tomorrrow...but we have today.....(Build): Whip out that thing and... (Chorus): Ffffff-or...or...or...kkkkkkk (short pause/rest)... Me In The Morning...But don`t walk away / We don`t have tomorrow like we have today---aye...ayeah... (and the verse goes::...Wasn`t it you who said that your thing could stay up forever...Wasn`t it you who said that our love would never sever......etc ....etc........... Prechorus: Please don`t hesitate...Ooh la-la oh baby...Don`t wait till it`s too late.. ooh la-la oh baby..Ooh..Ooh..Whip out that thing and... (and the resounding chorus):
"Foooorrrrrrrr..........kkkk (full rest here please:))))/ Me In The Morning song!!!:))) (Note how far her fff`s are from her "u`s"/or ork`s ...and series of kkkkkkk`s were far far from the fff`s?:)))) (funny..I know you ladies are gonna kill me for this:)))))) Just kidding:)) Love...CP...p.s....Have you ever heard of a lady singing such a risque song in such a skillful way?:):
The Song In Its Entirety:
Wasn`t it you who said that your thing could stay up forever
Wasn`t it you who said that your love would never sever
You can even use Viagra
if that is what you need to get it up
Pour it on me like Niagara
that juice of love
and don`t you ever stop
It`s alright for you to be so inclined
Don`t you know your reputation`s on the line
Please don`t hesitate ooh la-la oh baby
Don`t wait till it`s too late..oohla-la oh baby
Ooh ooh
Whip out that thing and...Forrrrkkkk Me In The Morning
Then don`t walk away
We don`t have tomorrow
But we sure have today
Another omitted scene - perhaps the most memorable of Cyber-Romantic Escapades - a love making scene between Dave and Dahlia - in a romanesque king-sized bed at a secret resort, with fellow British rockmate, Froyd Stewart - quietly strumbing his acoustic guitar strapped across his neck - sitting by the fireplace serenading the love-birds as they engaged in one-on-one intimacy:
Insidious advances / deserve second chances
`Cause first time romances are always the best
Sometimes you just hate them
but most times you`d love them
`Cause those romantic games / can rekindle old flames
Deleted quotes and scenes -
Eavesdropping on Dahlia and Dave discussing in private, the effects of the sexual wonder herbal supplement,knon in certain circles as Dickemol!:)) p>
Dave to Dahlia: This wonder sex booster maketh me cum like there was no tomorrow
Dahlia: Oh thou cummeth not (with a chuckle and a hiss as usual). Thou actually pisseth..juicy carbohydrate!(giggles)
Also Deleted for obvious reasons - yet another of Dahlia`s parodies from highschool days
The Shaka Zulu Song
Shaka Zulu went to town
riding on a donkey
He stuck a carrot up it`s butt
and called it dickaroni!:))
Shaka Zulu shame on you
I thought you knew better
And before you go back home
I`ll write your folks a letter!:))
Assignment: Add illustrations/graphic images and audio version to this story.
Deleted Songs And Scenes, The Reasons Why They Were Deleted, and How To Clean Them Up!!:)
Yet another excerpted scene - Dahlia and Dave in their time of leisure, performing a parodized version of "O, Soldier! - O, soldier soldier won`t you marry me / with thy muskets fifes and drums
Goes Another
The rude bols were ringing
Ting-a-ling-a-ling
And bad girls were singing:
Juicy Songs Of Love!
Called Irish Calypso
Juicy Songs Of Love!
Yet so Jewish in tempo!:)
Juicy Songs Of Love!
So dickromantic!
Juicy Songs of love!
And clito-erotic!
Juicy Songs of love!Make for good dickspensation!
Juicy Songs Of Love!
And sweet clitsensation!
Padda Piddy - piddy-lay piddy-lay / Padda-piddy piddy-lay (alien language - meaning unknown - could be of a sexual nature!:))
CLEANED-UP Cybermatic VERSION:
Another deleted parody of Dahlia`s: "That`s How I Want You To Work It!" (Parodied song lap-dance style): "I Get By With A Little Help From Myself":):
you came all over me from above?
You had me screaming and begging for more
as you spread my wings like a dove
Well that`s how I want you to work it!
Oooh ..yes that`s how I want you to work It!!:)
If you love my sexy body
rock my booty tonight!:)
If you like my water melons
suck my titties right!
That`s How I Want You To Work It!
A deleted scene to be added to the project: a music video of Rock Star Penistasia performing another of his potentially killer rock songs - : "Daisy-Lou" - a song that almost causes him to yield into sexual/romantic temptations of a beautiful seductress
"I`m gonna keep my eyes on you / Daisy-Lou - yeah (X 2)
One thing I`ve got to face
is that our love seems out of place
It would be a big disgrace
- should I ignore you
before the human race
I won`t blink for one momentlest I live a life of torment
And should I make any further comment/ it might just lead to disappointment
So I`ll just Keep my mind on you Daisy-Lou / my eagle eyes on you / Your kisses just won`t do
Concentrate on you
that`s what I will do
And meditate on you
(as the bass player peppers the song beautifully in rapid 4/4 timing) One thing I`ve got to face is.....
Deleted Song - Synthetic Love - Dahlia:
Got to enjoy the winter`s cold
Baby I`m sorry / if I seem to be too bold
Just wishful thinking / while our love is slowly sinking
Once the truth comes out
we`ll know what it`s all about
Synthetic Love / can rule us forever
Synthetic Love!
Let`s face it now or never
Then comes summer / with its raging heat
Hotter than ever / still no difference in our heartbeat
Only natural love / pure and simple from above
can deliver us to joy beyond belief
And when our hearts become one / endless bliss would have begun
A new beginning will brighten our horizon!
Deleted! _ Dahlia`s Other Joyful Parody :):
The MIDDLE OF MY ASS/ WAS POUNDING LIKE A DRUM
THE WORDS I LOVE IT!! FALLING OFF MY LIPS
NEVER DID I KNOW / I WAS SUCH A RESTLESS HO
WHEN MY ROCKSTAR POUNDS MY COOCHY / I`LL BE SINGING!:))
(Way too rude in my estimation:)) And rightly deleted pending reconsideration for re-inclusion:)!-)
Song Number 2 On the "Deleted Songs Series:)): Yet Another Dahlia Parody:)))
Davie can you rub my thing for me
It is kind`a dry oh can`t you see
Use your manly tongue
Go Lick! Lick! Lick!
While my clittin` clock goes Tick! Tick! Tick!:))
Deleted because of "foul language:)) Way too rude!:)))
Though Dahlia could only play the song in their living room grand piano with just her pointer finger ... the melody was quite distinct. Note for note!:))
Dave levels with Rachel re: Dahlia`s alleged vulgarity/outrageous sense of humor - A very pivotal quote from Dave: Dahlia`s vulgarity per se - angers me not. In truth , I more than occasionally find it humorous and downright contagious:) But when she shares the same jokes with all and sundry regardless, I find myself dangerously irked to the core!-)
Deleted Parody of Dahlia`s from highschool days:) :
My Grandfather`s Balls (Grandfather`s Clock:)
My Grandfather`s balls were too large for his shaft
Grandma had to make him hang them on the wall
And for grampa it meant
he had nothing left to hide
so he hung them with pleasure and pride
But his balls dropped
never to bounce again
then the old man died
His shaft was like a pendulum
Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!
Swinging with balls and all
Tick! Tock! Tick!...
But his balls dropped
never to swing again
then the old man died:)
This song could have netted little Dahlia - for the second time - a two-week suspension by the highschool Principal - based on pure speculation - since Dahlia refused to say exactly what kind of "balls" she was referring to in the song...the first of which was an incident that happened in class one day when Mrs Foxworthy (a extremely big-breasted lady...breastedly endowed), her mathematics teacher who she derisively refers to as " Mrs Chestworthy", was running a few minutes late for class. Dahlia stood in front of the class and mimicked the gaits of Mrs Foxworthy on high-heeled shoes - while singing:Mrs Chestworthy is like a three-manual pipe organ
Whoaoh oh oh whoah oh whoah oh whoah
(as she cups her hands around both breasts while doing an almost "do the twist"/ rock "n" roll dance!!:))
The class (all ladies)had fallen so much in love with dahlia`s newly-written song, that they soon joined - singing and dancing - to the beautiful yet hilarious parody - not without contageous laughter of course!:)) But Little Dahlia had gotten so lost in the humour of it all, that she did not realise that the whole class had suddenly stopped laughing. Mrs Foxworthy had already quietly entered the classroom and was staring with shock and anger at Dahlia`s unbelievable rudeness.
Remarked one insider regarding Dahlia:
I shall call her Spit Fire - for whatever she lacks in height and size she more than makes up for with her tongue, as she could spit-out foul and funny language at the rate of 100 rude words per minute!:))
Said another:
Her keen sense of witty humour coupled with her sweet icy voice, causes one to laugh out of breath long before the thought of immorality kicks in:)
Another rock parody by the BayTown Rockers:
Oxodus Chapter 13 verses 7 thru 15:)
Old McDonald had a ho
E-I-E-I-E-I-O
On his farm in Idaho
E-I-E-I-E-I-O
I heard a boom boom here / and a boom boom there
rocking that lady all night long
I heard an ooh ooh here / and an ooh ooh there
sounded like the lady was coming on strongI said, Ol` McDonald had a ho
E-I-E-I-E-I-O!:)))
(the song story continues):Now the story is traded worldwide via cellular phones / and making frontpage news on Mother Jones / Good `ol Mac - it said -never seemed like a man into realising his wildest dreams / But thru the silence of the night/ folks could her as she screams / She said:
WEE!! - WEE-WEE! WEE-WEE! - E-MO-MO-WAY! (E-I-O) !! (Swahili origin - a female love cry of sexual ecstasy. English translation: My wee-wee is getting hot!!:)) - hence the phrase "wee-wee ee mo mo way!!":))).
Yet another deleted scene : Ali and Jeff (gate-crashers) at Dave and Dahlia`s wedding party, champagne gobblets in hand and telling terrible "Mamma Jokes" in the backyard of Dave And Dahlia !:)
Says Jeff - in his champagne-stained tuxedo, to Ali:Your mamma is so UGLY, Freddy Kruger took one look at her and said, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??!!!:)))
Says Ali to Jeff:Well, your mamma`s pubic area is Soooooo BIG, she has to borrow your daddy`s lawnmower to shave herself!!::)))
So as not to be outdone, Jeff levels his ACE - the motherload - of ALL Mamma Jokes...so funny, it causes champagne to gush out of Ali`s mouth as he tries to suppress his silent giggles!!:)):
Says Jeff to Ali:
Your mamma`s "BONKERS" (butt cheeks) are Soooooo BIG (gesturing their greatness with both hands:)), they found Saddam Hussein hiding in there! Him and ALL his bodyguards!!:))))
Who would have guessed these two were such great comedians after all?!:)
Other Story Titles/Works by this Author: Dangerous Love Triangle, The Second Coming Of Christ, The Ice Princess of Mondavia, LoveSlave - Said Jonathan to the expert on the witness stand: "With all due respect Sir, on the Asshole scale of one to ten - ten being the must disgusting - how would you rate yourself!?". Jonathan was considered one of the savviest of Trial Attorneys. He never waited for clients to hire him. He would dig into southern court files and find cases where the litigants and most times the lawyers - had funny names or ones he could easily parodize:) And he made sure he always practiced before none other than his Father-in-law - Judge Herbert Lukovitch. So he could get away with things his opposing lawyers couldn`t. Such as sitting on a courtroom table swinging his legs while insulting witnesses on the witness stand. His vocabulary baffled even legal experts and media execs. He could easilty have passed for a comedian. His other notable cases include, "The Landmark case series: Boody-Loo vs Dickaroo, Peniston vs Bolshevic, Coxhocker vs McDickhead, Dickemyer vs Fuckembegger, to name a few. The Day The Dog Cried Meow!!: A hilarious Story/biography of a dog named Pete Doggy Bull. He was like any other wild canine on the block who lived like a cat with 9 lives but down to his last 1. There was only one way out: To impersonate a real cat out of desparation - canines and felines be damned. Bent on survival, Pete "Doggy" no longer gave a flying fuck which species got taken for a ride. (search keyword: Snoop Doggy (Brown), Stars of Colin), One On One (With You)
The Prince From Paradise, Unscrupulous Anonymous (and his Parrot who only speaks foul and funny language), Mrs Chestworthy, Landmark Cases 1, 2,3,4 and, 5 - notably, Landmark Case of Boody-Lou vs Dickaroo alias B v D - Chinese accent pronunciation: "YanMak kay shee of boody yu passus Dicka yu"..Japanese pronunciation: Landmak casee of Budyvoo bashus Jickavoo:), Peniston vs Bolshevic, Coxucker vs Mcdickhead, Dickemyer vs Fuckemberger (Corporate warfare scandal), Big Mamma Johnson, The Twelve Concubines Of Nebukadneza, The Fat Bishop Of Tantabury - said the burly Priest to his beloved and much trusted Secretary: Please sing thou me a song while I work on my sermon for tomorrows worship. Begins the Lady: Amazing Grace how sweet... Oh no!! said the Rev: Sing unto the Lord a NEW song. The Lady: I am wekk but....Heck. no!!..screamed the seemingly shocked and now irrate Rev... "That`s not new either. That`s as old as Mother Teressa! And besides, God despises weakness. We are all created in his image. Sing unto the Lord a NEW song! The Lady: When the rudeness in me gets me wild and free/I shall dance MY boohdy dance:)"GET THEE UP FROM ME (screamed the irrate Rev... bumping her off his lap...and dusting the front of his pants with his white hanky as though he was "cleansing himself from all unrighteousness)...AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON THEE, THOU PERVERT OF A FEMALE!" The Rev Colin Peter Palmer screamed stamping both feet!-) Remarked the Rev: If it was not for the grace of God, that lady would have made me come UNDONE!!:))
, Cockburn vs Bottcrack (Joseph Cockbrun v Moses Van Buttcrack) :))),
The Story Of Mellenezad (variation - Melnik) - an Ancient ruler of the Roman Empire (1670 A.D)- Melnick was believed to have had more wives than even King Solomon. And was thought to be perhaps just as powerful. The major differences being that unlike Solomon, he had no time for sexual intercourse with any of them except that which was absolutely required for procreation. And, unlike Solomon, Mellnik`s wives came in all shapes and sizes. The skinniest - Annastasia - who weighed no more than a hundred pounds, was considered by Mellenezad as being too thin to bear a child, though already of child-bearing age. To compensate, she got to be the one to always sit on his lap wherever they all went, which caused the other wives to become jealous of Anastasia. The 300-pounders (his fat wives) he believed would give him a hernia if he allowed them to sit on his lap. But he loved them all equally. He was simply a political freak...so to speak. More time for politics than anything else. He once used the skinniest of his wives as a bullhorn by speaking through her butt, when a Government official caused him to have to repeat himself:) It was believed that the effect of this incident was the advent of surround sound as we know it today, as the echo of his voice filled the entire room through the lady`s mouth:)). But he was also a vicious ruler by all accounts, in that he decreed that anyone who could not complete his prison sentence must have his remaining time passed on to his heirs, much like in a will:) So it was typical for the closest relatives of a convicted crook to stay away during the reading of their deceased relative`s will. For whoever showed up inherited all his wealth and prison sentence but forfeited the wealth ultimately, as prisoners-by-inheritance in those days could not own property while incarcerated. No man dared to make eye contacts or smile at any of Mellenezad`s 900-plus wives, as that was grounds for immediate jail time. Even for his best and closest of friends.
The Children Of Cyberworld, The Trials of Moses Foster a/k/a Ugly M.F., Father, Shawn and Holy Goat : Said the Father to the Son - behold the book of genesis..for there-in I laid the fruits - and the eternal seed to survival through ultimate intelligence." End of quote. "And so today to thee I say, this is indeed the day the Lord has made So let us all heartily rejoice and be glad in it! Mehhhhhhhhh immediately responded the horn-rimmed glassesed goatie....followed - surprisingly by the congregation."! Said Shawn to the Father back from highschool one day: "Father, a girl in my class always bumps into me and not even saying "sorry". Said the Father to the bewildered boy: "Each and everytime she does that, just hold your pointer finger no more than an inch in front of you - well within YOUR OWN personal space - and come back and tell me what part of her anatomy she touches the tip of your finger with deliberately. Shawn comes home: She did it again today Father! Over and over again! "What part of her anatomy did she bump into you with?" - Shawn: "I-don``t know Father...I-I-I didnt look. I was too scared to look. But it it it was kind of felt like - like - soft and nice. " "Okay" said the wise Father: Tomorrow, if this happens again, I want you to be brave enough to keep your eyes open and see what she deliberately touches your fingertip with. Shawn does exactly so and said to the Holy Father upon returning home: "Father- she bumped into me with her private part!!" Said the Father in summission "She must be either a pervert or, a Love Angel !! I know you`ve both reached consentual age - so I pray to God Almighty that she is - in fact - the latter - or, she might be a higher Spirit just making sure you never end up becoming non-attracted to the opposite sex. So, just give her a peck on the cheek ..but NOTHING MORE. "Mehhhhhhh!!!!" answered the "holy" goat as usual - in between chewing its cord:)In fact, it was well known that the wonder goat had the uncanny ability to say mehhhhhhh! at all the appropriate intervals of the Father`s sermons. Whereas, the congregation had to be prompted by the Pastor to say amen. Some believed that meehhhhh was in fact amen in goat`s language:) So protective of the goat was the Father, that he always made sure it had its own specially made rosary chain around its neck to ward off would be theives despareate for sweet goat meat:) . But if there was one thing Shawn ever hated to do for the beloved Father who brought him out of foster home into his care and upbringing, was to get the dirty goat clean and fed to accompany the Father to Sunday Service. The Father never left the goat at home on Sundays. He loved it too much and was always concerned that some hungry bloke might steal it and have a feast!:) This was no goat for the soup pot. It was left to the Father by his beloved deceased grandmother. So there was an emotional as well as a sentimental attachment to the goat, by the Father. No chow meat! So the Father hung a crucifix around Amos the goat`s neck to ward of theives. It was this crucifix tied around its neck by the Father that caused a Priest from a neighboring church to dub the unusual trio , Father Shawn and the holy goat:) ...Father loved the holy goat so much, he even bought him a pair of glasses!! Horn-rimmed glasses for the goat to wear to Church on Sundays!!:)))) When Shawn remarked to the Father that the goat was a male goat and as such should not were horn-rimmed glasses like women do, the Father remarked< " Well, goats were not meant to wear glasses anyway. I was just being nice to him!!:)))
Other book titles by the same author:
Seven Pillars Of Wisdom
The Eye Of The Storm
The Day The Judge Lost His Cool (An episode of Love Slave - said the angry Judge to the very argumentative and interruptive Lawyer, Jonathan Archer:
"Counsel, if I hear one more word from you, some NASTITUDES - the likes of which you`ve never heard before (rude words that are considered to be neither platitudes nor pleasantries - The Cyber Dictionary) - shall spill out of my mouth forthwith! UNDERSTOOD??!!" Where-upon, a pin-drop silence immediately ensued in the courtroom:)
The Cowboy Stole The Jukebox (The Story of Cowboy Bob Mcrae)
The Day Solomon Lost His Cool: " And it came to pass, that as the accused twist-tongued his way through interrugation before King Solomon, the King became so angry, he accidentally spoke foul language for the first time ever! "Be quiet, thou PUTO!!" He yelled. "Thou cans`t deceive Thy King!!"
In those days, the word "Puto" simply meant a deceptive individual - someone living in self-deception. SYN - Mis-gendered, BOLSLESS - sexually disoriented. Some believe it still maintains the same meaning to this day, while a few would disagree.The Witch From Alvarado!: Have you ever heard of an old mysterious lady who used to jump out of the bushes at night to grab other ladies by their crutches??:) The Witch from Alvarado shall both amuse and bewilder many an avid reader! Stay tuned for this book`s worldwide release about this amazing pussy-grabbing granny!!
"And when it was brought to the notice of Prosecutors that the defendant was now being represented by the powerful law firm of Dickerson, Sabanero, and Buttafuco, they all gave chase with a ten-yard dash towards the court`s exit!:)" (Judge Gilbert Peters, presiding Judge:)
Noteworthy: This story also represents the world`s first ever condensed movie title catalogue (thousands) by Remlap Studios (Skyshadow British Television/ Skyshadow Animation)
Make Me An Instrument - Hymn Number One from Colin`s book Of Romantology Poetry
Everytime I see that light
the one I would never want to let out of sight
I`d go down on my knees
under the sycamore trees
even in the pouring rain
A mega global spiritual presentation: Can A Man Rob God??!! An international politico/religio-spiritual mega movie epic about the capture and smuggle attempt from the U.K. of a former military head of state from the sovereignty of Nigeria West Africa, by the name of General Sunny Abacha
Personal Autobiography: My Rise From Poverty To Power - H.E. Gen Dr Colin Peter Palmer, RXLD, US Pentagon Online
>There I would prayfrom the depths of my heart I would say:
MAKE ME AN INSTRUMENT OF COURAGE LOVE AND PEACEUpdate edit: To Dahlia and Ali`s Hindu Dance: The Indians: LAy EE LAY LAY LAY / ILLAY ILLAY LAY / ILLAY ILLAY LAY / ILLAY ILLAY LAY!! So sweet was the melody, even Muslims tenored in Universal agreement singing: Lai la illa lau Mmammdu Ma MADU MA SIMILAI / we`re all Gods children /SISTERS !! BRETHREN !!
A C.P.I.C.A.S presentation (Colin Palmer Institute Of Creative Arts And Sciences)
The Aliens Celebrating Silver Sunday
Once a year, the aliens of Oregonea would bring their silver coins (one each) to church - men, women and, children to celebrate this special day of their LordJoseph Stole The Wealth Of My Lord - A rock`n`roll spiritual Song of the Aliens in Colin`s Letter To The Romans
Joseph stole the wealth from my Lord
Joseph STOLE the wealth from my Lord!!
They gave him gold, silver
frankensence and myrrh!
Yes / Joseph stole the wealth from my Lord
Between him and Mary Magdalene
the wicked ugly Nazarene
they took all the gifts
while the mother and child were sleeping,/p>
Joseph Stole the wealth from my Lord
Yes / he took all the gifts
while the mother the child akeeping
Joseph stole the wealth from my Lord
Joseph - thou fish-eyed fool
I heard you`ve never been to school
That`s why you swindled every goody
and hid `em in Magdalene`s boody
Yes, Joseph - you stole the wealth from my Lord
But this silver that I have
the world didn`t give it to me
As the world didn`t give it
so the world can`t take it away
******************************** KAKAPU Said the fellow driving a Westfalia to his buddy from Northern Australia: Let`s drive back to Kakapu Heck no! Replied the passenger Take me anywhere-else from Malibu to Zanadu But I ain`t going back to KAKAPU! **************************** Lady, Queeen Of My Heart As the moonlight waved goodbye And the daylight stole the sky You and I were making love Like we did the night before One thing is for sure I`d like you even through rainy days Yes - even through rainy days `Cause you`ve been with me From the start Lady, Queen Of My Heart We may not be playing a Poker game But to me you shall always be The Lady, Queen Of My Heart ******************************* Make Me An Instrument (a/k/a Dahlia`s Prayer) Everytime I see that light the one that you`d never want to let out of sight I`d go down on my knees under the sycamore trees even in the pouring rain There I would pray From the depths of my heart I would say Make Me An Instrument of courage love and peace!! ****************************** Make Me You LoveSlave Under the sun and under the silver moon You`ve got me riding you as hard as hell But I don`t mind Considering you are one of a kind If I choose to ignore you consider me blind Make Me Your Love Slave While I`m on my hands and knees I promise I will do just as you please Make Me Your Love Slave Go on girl make me sweat You can rest assured I`m gonna get you wet Make Me Your Love Slave Till I make it to my grave Unwrap these chains use your key to unlock my selfless power make yours every minute / every hour Between us there`s a synergy And I`ve got lots of energy Let me rock you from your head Down to your hips then to your juicy lips I will make you scream for icecream baby! ******************************* Marching On (Stars And Stripes military march) Marching On! We are Marching On! We are Marching On to save Our Stars And Stripes We are not giving in to mortal threats We are not laying down our bayonettes We`re going to fight For what we believe So better watch your step Or you`ll get crushed!! Marching On! We are Marching On! Marching On To save our Stars And Stripes ****************************** Please Don`t Call Me A Genius I have had my own share of tribulation Much more than I care to mention From financial To things quite confidential Still I made it through I can hardly wait To set the record straight Please Don`t Call Me A Genius That`s not what I am Please Don`t Call Me A Genius Cause I`m just an average man Making out of life The best that I can I have found my own way Of making certain That I climb the highest mountain `Cause I believe in order to survive One must be prepared to strive ******************************* Saga of Kenny Lay (a Wall Street parody) Kenny Lay played them while the stock was still ahead That`s what people say He effed them while the stock was still ahead All of a sudden something went bump in the night But that was `ol Kenny trying to stir-up a fright Kenny Lay should have eff`d those Wall Street guys instead Until the break of day dict `em without taking `em to bed ************************ Tears Of Joy - a song of courage and consolation (in times of war) You have struggled to break free from the wrath of History It`s time to live in peace and harmony Time to raise your head up high and leave your darker days behind For as a child of God under the sun test of strength has just begun Tears Of Joy shall wash away the pain Many blessings to receive Many treasures to retrieve Tears Of Joy shall renew the strength in you Never Let hatred conquer you Let love encumber you With Tears Of Joy Just like a wounded soldier dedicated to his cause your bleeding hearts must stand the test of time So keep your hope and faith alive if your goal is to survive to see a perfect world a cyber-world of peace and prosperity ******************************** A Certain Stranger There was a certain stranger Walking down the darkest alley In Los Angeles County He is approached by a robber Give me all your money Said the robber to the stranger But the stranger did not blink Give me all your money Or I will blow your head away But the stranger did not blink Then finally said the stranger to the robber Who do you serve God or man Rather than answer to such a simple question The robber chose to drop his gun And ran away Why did he run? ****************************** There`s A Pretty Girl (Over There - A soldier`s love song) There`s A Pretty Girl Waiting for me over there Over There Over There There`s A Pretty Girl Waiting For me Over There So, over there is where I`ll be Over There Over There Where that Girl belongs to me There`s A Pretty Girl Waiting For Me Over There So, over there is where I`ll be ****************************** A Tribute to L. Ron Hubbard LRH helped save the world LRH helped save the world He went north and south He went east and west to put his inventions to the test He said I`m going to help man`s sanity to save humanity There`s no better way to go He wrote books about every single thing Which is the reason why we sing From Dianetics to Scientology He put an end to whacky Psychiatry unethical psychiatry He said I`ve borne it alone And for much too long Now to US the tasks belong **************************** You Say /I Say - (A cyber-wordplay poem) You say: It`s Paranoia! I say: No- it`s hyperactivity You say, WHAT??!! I say: You heard me:) You say: Relationships are based on energy! I say - no, synergy! You say, WHAT??!! I said, here we go again!:))Copyright 2009, Colin Creative Music (BMI),Colin Peter Palmer (ASCAP), Remlap Studios/Colin Palmer Publishing(BMI)/ Colin Creative Music, US. All rights reserved. Educational-only usage allowed. .
