I decided to pop in to Smoky Rosie's, the only lap dance club in town (the only I've ever heard about anywhere) with 100% smokers. I mean, of those working there. The signs on the walls around the entrance say "100% chain smokers" and "dirtiest girls in town - their lungs, we mean".

The place really tries to make sure that a new guest feels he has come to the right place - or maybe that he understands what the place's idea is - already when paying the entrance fee, because Madame Moon (as she calls herself) - a big, dark woman, around 50 years old that looks like she was born in the place - has a persistent smoker's cough. She is the kind that probably always has a cigarette dangling between her lips and that can't let the smallest possible laugh come over those lips without getting a coughing fit. It feels like just a smile is enough to make her chest rumble like a Cadillac. I've never seen her without that cigarette between her lips, smoke pouring from her mouth and her black nostrils while talking, and always those wheezing, rumbling coughings.

This was just my second visit there, and I think it was about two months since the first time. Madame Moon (who often was asked by the regulars to do what her name suggests in a lap dance) smiled at me, puffing on her cigarette, lightly coughing some smoke out from her nostrils. "Hey, a regular... that's nice!". I knew that she knew that I was here for the second time - she was known to have a memory like an elephant - so I smiled back, made some joke about it, and entered the place after having got my exchange money back.

The outside sign "100% chain smokers" is of course not 100% true, but as I had understood, they encouraged the girls to smoke as much as they could. A lap dance last for 2, 5 or 10 minutes, and many of the girls try to make just one cigarette last even for a 5-minutes. There was no idea trying that trick for a regular, because they would tell the girl to speed up her smoking anyway, while a new guest would probably not know that he should get disappointed. The girls who were hard smokers would more or less chain smoke for all these lap dance variants, and would cope with the 10-minutes just like nothing, and the regulars knew which girls those were. Certain regulars sometimes - or always - deliberately picked the non-chain-smokers and forced them to chain smoke during a 10-minutes.

I picked a blonde, 20 year old dancer called Diane, took a 5 minutes dance. She stripped, made lots of snap inhales, some french inhales and all sorts of exhales. She was great. She smoked two cigarettes during those 5 minutes, then, after I had given her some extra tips, she quickly turned around and coughed a sequence of barking, thick hacks. "Sorry", she said. "Not at all", I said, feeling extra turned on. "I'm not allowed to cough, you know", she smiled, her voice getting so hoarse so she was almost like wheezing. Her eyes teared as she inhaled and got an uncontrollable fit for almost 10 seconds, with her arm for her mouth. She cleared her throat, and we left the area together.

As we got back to the hall where the guests are sitting, and the girls are walking around, smoking all the time and trying to sell lap dances, she walked towards the bar and got another coughing fit. Stella, a 40 year old ex-lap dancer who was some kind of manager - tall, blonde, maybe sexy but quite arrogant and not at all very keen to pay any attention to us guests unless telling us not to do this and that, if some guest would get too hot on a lap dancer, just said "Diane - 5 minutes", and Diane left through a black door. I assumed some guest - possibly a VIP guest - was waiting behind that door in some special room - possibly a VIP room - to get his special treat for 5 minutes with Diane. Anyway, I had a soft drink, watched the girls smoke, lots of occasional coughings, heard Madame Moon talk, giggle and cough in the entrance area, watched Stella slowly walking around with her sexy body but boring attitude. Diane returned from the room after at least 10 minutes - someone must be happy in that room I thought.

A few minutes later, one of the chain smokers, tall and dark Diamond, started to cough, she had a sort of tired, wet cough despite her 25 years. After just 20 seconds she turned around and started to walk towards the VIP room's door. "5 minutes, Diamond", Stella said sharply. Strange, I thought. How did she know that some new VIP guest was in there and what he wanted? Probably some hidden radio communication - did Stella maybe have a small earphone close to an ear, under the hair?

A cute, short red-haired girl smiled at me, made two lovely, short barking hacks and started to approach me - I had been watching her chain smoke for almost 7 minutes, trying to look like I wasn't watching - while Diane got a new coughing fit, deep and long. She gave Stella a helpless smile, shrugging her shoulders while coughing hard barkings without any hands over her mouth, then, as she started to walk towards the VIP door, she threw her body forwards, coughing so deeply so she sounded like she was close to gag. She stopped, still leaning forward, with one hand cupped over her mouth. She just stood like that, that hand almost like shivering a bit. "Oh my..." she mumbled, "I thought I was gonna..." . Then she got a new fit, "5 minutes, quickly, leave the floor", Stella said sharply, and Diane quickly went into the VIP area, coughing and coughing.

Now, I just couldn't get it, how this VIP area worked. I was on my way to Madame Moon to ask what is really was about, when I felt that the hot temperature in the place, together with my excitement, made me sweat and I decided to first dry my forehead with a paper handkerchief in the men's room. I went out in the small, dark corridor leading to the place, without noticing that I was passing that VIP area's left wall, when I heard some deep barkings from the other side of the wall. There was a door, probably a back door, from the corridor into this VIP area and I got the idea to try to open it, just a little. I would of course annoy the guest a lot, but almost any new guest could of course make a mistake by chosing the wrong door to the men's room, I thought.

I couldn't understand what I saw. It was just a room with a few chairs, a sofa, two small tables with full ash trays, nothing more. Except for Diane and Diamond, coughing and smoking. Diamond smoked, smoked, smoked, coughed, smoked while Diane coughed, coughed, coughed, smoked and coughed. I forgot that I should close the door as silently as I had opened it, but I couldn't stop staring. "Hey, what do you do there", Diamond said, she had been massaging Diane's back during her worst coughings but her hand stopped and just rested on the back just as Diane made another "close-to-gag" sound. Diane took an unusually long drag on her cigarette. "Oh it's you, you were soooo nice earlier tonight!" "Quickly, shut ... the... door", she started to cough again, and I started to back out. "No... no...", she got another close-to-gag, "I mean come in and shut the door". Diamond stared at Diane, trying to hold back a cough but failed. "We'll be fired", she giggled. "Just say we were telling him that this isn't the men's room if she comes in here, hey, you, you must get out quickly if that would happen", she continued turning towards me.

"I...I... sorry, I thought this was a VIP area", I explained and Diamond laughed. "The other way around, it's the penalty area", she explained. "If anyone starts to cough, she's sent in here for 2, 5 or 10 minutes to cough it out. Some of the girls who aren't any heavy smokers gets at least 5 of the 10-minutes penalties every night they work, because Stella knows that they cough so they almost throw up after some lap dances", she went on. "You remember that new girl, Bea, six months ago", she turned to Diane, "she gagged in here twice", Diane added, started to cough and barked for 30 seconds. "Yeah, I remember, she got fired after the second night it happened."

"So, you stay here for as long time as Stella says", I summarized. "At least, you can stay longer if you need", Diane explained with a hoarse, smoky voice, "but you won't sell any lap dances in here". Diamond had started to cough in her hand, then, without removing the hand, she added "maybe we will now?", with her eyes locked into mine and I wished they would be allowed to do so.

"But, how does Stella determine how long time anyone of you need to get out and cough"? I asked. "Why doesn't the girl simply return as soon as it stops?" Diamond explained after a long mixed exhale, while Diane coughed so I thought she would never be able to return this night. Her face turned red. Diamond started to massage her back with one hand and her chest with the other. Her fingers sometimes got very close to Diane's breasts, I thought they even slipped over them slightly a few times, but I wasn't sure. "The thing is, you guys out there aren't supposed to know what's going on in here", Diamond said with a serious glance in her eyes. Her smile was gone. "You aren't supposed to know that we have to smoke so we cough our lungs up, that the newest girls, who aren't any heavy smokers, cough so they almost gag the day after a working night. You're supposed to watch us smoke, nude close to your face, our mouths and nostrils pumping smoke from our lungs over your face, like if we were smoking robots. So, we are obliged to hide our coughing fits in here. Stella says a certain number of minutes to make it look like some sort a normal, planned, working breaks. That's why."

Diane had finally stopped turning her lungs inside out. Her voice was even more hoarse now. "Precisely. Very well put." She cleared her throat twice and lit a new cigarette". "But", I said, "why do you two smoke this much in here? Wouldn't it be better to take a break from smoking in here?" - "Probably", Diamond giggled. "Yeah, probably", Diane coughed. They didn't seem to be interested in commenting on this anything more, so I just shook my head and laughed.

Diamond sighed out the smoke. "Stella usually says 10 minutes to the newbie girls and 5 to the rest". "2 minutes are just for when Stella knows there's an impatient - impatient and rich - regular waiting for the girl", Diane added. "Uhhh", Diamond, continued, "that's the toughest thing. If she says 5 minutes, you can cough like crazy for 8 minutes of whatever you need, if she says 10 minutes, you can cough your lungs up (Diane started to do so while Diamond was talking) for a quarter of an hour if that's what you need, but -" she started to massage Diane with two hands again, and this time I clearly noticed that she was touching Diane's left breast also - "2 minutes are 2 minutes".

"Be... be... because of that impatient guest?", I asked, being so excited so I couldn't concentrate. "And rich", Diane managed to force out during her bad fit. I started to wonder how long we had been her together. I started to wonder why Diamond was touching her friend's tits. I started to wonder if her friend's cough would ever stop.

"Shit... I ...", Diane got lose from Diamond, threw her hands for her mouth and rushed into a WC room. I was sure she was going to puke, but she didn't. She was just breathing heavily, and returned to us. Her face was deep red. "Oh my God, I thought I would... " . Diamond made her sit down and tried to calm her down. Diane lit a new cigarette, probably the 8th just since I had got into the room. "Calm down", Diamond said, "you always think you'll gag, but you've never done". We both took Diane's hands to calm her down and she soon smiled again.

"I was going to say...", Diamond started, turned away and coughed three dark hacks, "yes, those rich guests. Then, 2 minutes are 2 minutes. You see the wall clock there. We'll do anything to make the cough stop - water, whatever. After the 2 minutes, unless quicker, we'll return, begging to avoid getting any more fits right now, sometimes with your hand still massaging your own chest (tits, I saw for my eyes), sometimes with your hands still over your nose and mouth, well, if you're new here and unexperienced that is, and make the lap dance - continuously smoking just 30 seconds after a bad fit in here.

"Hey", Diamond suddenly said and got up. "I've stopped coughing and I'm forgetting the time". "Sure, I probably need to get out from here", I said. "I guess both of you must go back to work?" "Yes", Diane giggled and I thought she would get a new cough, but nothing happened. "Diane... wait just a second", I said, taking her hand without thinking about that a guest probably shouldn't do that in an area where he shouldn't be. Diamond had already left. "Yes, love?", she said, taking my second hand. "Is there... any way... I could... buy a lap dance with you smoking AND coughing? I mean, after all, I know that you cough regardless of what Stella's rules are".

"Yeah, but... then Stella must know that you know... I don't know". "Oh, I'll find something out... how to solve that problem...", but is it OK with YOU?", I asked. "Sure, anything is OK as long as you don't tell her I've been letting you in here" "Promised", I said, and slipped out from the room, having no idea about how to approach Stella.

Later on, I took a deep breathe in the hall. "Stella?", I said as she passed. "Miss Stella", she said coldly. "All right, sorry, miss Stella" I said, trying to stay patient. "Could I... could I have a word with you?" She took a deep breathe, sighed, took a deep drag on her cigarette (do I need to tell that this arrogant woman used a holder?), sighed out the smoke over me. Strangely, she then let a quick smile flow over her lips, just for half a second it seemed. "Diane!" , she said sharply, without looking for Diane first, without taking her eyes from mine. Her blue eyes were arrogant and cool. "You're in charge until I return". "Yes Miss", Diane replied shortly. Stella wasn't anyone to discuss with. Diane, being behind Stella's back then gave me a strange face, it was hard to understand what she meaned. First I thought she looked puzzled, then I thought scared, then I felt she looked a bit disappointed - didn't she want me to ask Stella to get this specialized lap dance? Had she changed her mind? I wasn't sure what to do. I wondered if Stella would bring me to the "penalty room", but she turned towards a door probably leading to her office room. "Wait in there, I'll be back soon", she said sharply. Before she shut the door, I heard her say "Diane - Diamond is in charge if you need to cough, and don't you two dare to need at the same time!".

I smiled to myself at her funny order, even if I knew what she meant. This room was as funny, by the way. Was this really an office room? No phone, no papers, no computer. A black sofa of this kind of forged leather feeling like plastic, dark red walls with photos of smoking girls - including most of the girls I had met - even one of Madame Moon exhaling her smoke towards the camera.

I had just started to figure out how to explain the situation for Stella without revealing too much of what I knew by now, when she returned. "100 dollar", she said to me. I got it! She had already, though amazingly quickly, talked to Diane! I was going to pay, Diane was going to come in here as soon as she would get a new coughing fit! I picked up the money and gave it to Stella. Stella put the dollars away, put a new cigarette in her holder. She sat down and locked her eyes into mine. She doubled pumped, nose exhaled over and over again. "Lye down", she said sharply. I obied. Diane would come in through the door anytime and Stella would leave us alone. "Undress", she commanded. I started to say "Oh... I thought it was against the...". "Silence", Stella interrupted me, put on black gloves still pumping smoke in and out.

She started to treat my stonehard gun, with her hand. She put down the holder, stopped treating me and... started to undress. She crushed the cigarette in her full ash tray, took her black sexy bra off, took her pants off, started the smoke again, started to treat me again with her hand, took a condom from the table, put it on me, before she put herself on me. What on earth was going on? This cold, arrogant, at first almost boring 40 years old, turned out to be just like heaven actually.

She pumped me and pumped me up and down when she suddenly opened her eyes wide open, but the black glove for her mouth and started to cough. It was this tired smoker's cough, her chest sounded just so stuffed up and from my position under her I watched her nose wings expand everytime she inhaled to cough again. She coughed deeper, her body was thrown forwards a little, she was still pumping me, she stopped coughing with a black shining glove still for her mouth. Sorry, she mumbled, looking into her glove. I could see her white salive there, she didn't know what to do with it. I tooked her hand, brought to my hand, licked all it off, and exploded inside her.

"Stella... Miss Stella... you were just so..." , I mumbled, smiling happily. She was standing with her back towards me, taking the gloves off. "I'm sorry, I though my cough would ruin it... I'm very sorry.", she said silently and started to get dressed. "Didn't you notice I loved that?" I said, sitting up. "You... loved it? I wasn't sure why you took my hand and... you mean... love it??" she looked puzzled. "Loved it", I confirmed. "Hm. Strange. Interesting, however", she said in her short, dry manner. "very interesting actually", she added.

We both looked at each other without talking. "You know Diane, don't you?", she said shortly and started to look for her lighter. Without letting me answer, she went on. "She... of course, not any often at all, and just a few silent hacks... but... yes... coughs a little, of course just a little. Sometimes." "Just a little?", I asked teasingly. I had started to smile too much, however, so she apparently started to understand something was wrong. "WHAT is this? Do you KNOW that...? Wait now ... What was you actually going to do when you asked if you could have word with me? Didn't you KNOW that that phrase is exactly the regulars' password to buy a private with Miss Stella??"

I didn't have to answer, she had got it anyway. She stared angrily at the door, then at me, at the door again. She marched - no other word could describe the way she was walking - towards the door and opened it. "DIANE !" she shouted like a general in the middle of a war. "Oh no, poor Diane", I thought to myself. "DIANE !!!", she repeated even louder, at the top of her voice, "25 MINUTES !!! NO !!! IN HERE!!!"