I finished the biscuit and the coffee in a hurry and looked at the map in the brochure to find the way to Marlboro's place in the exbition hall. There it was, with a big red and white sign, and a computer screen like most of the exhibitors had. A tall, slim woman representing the exhibitors gave me a smile and said welcome. First I was surprised; no cigarette packs, no ash trays, and a Marlboro representative looking like some fanatic, health-fixed girl for some reason. Then I remembered. Non-smoking area !
- Do you wish to try?, she said in a low voice and pressed a key on
the computer's key board. - I'll show you, she continued, smiling
with her eyes locked into mine. She then turned her head and coughed
with two dark, warm hacks. My nose tried to find out whether she was
a smoker or not, but her parfume would conceal any sign of smell of
smoke, it was so strong (but good).
The computer screen turned black for a few seconds, then
a young, top-less woman appeared.
"I'm Cindy", the computer let her voice say. She was a light brunette,
the age looked like 25-30. "What do you want me to smoke"?
- Now, the Marlboro woman said, you choose her cigarette. Try by
yourself. Are you familiar with computers, by the way?
- Oh yes, I am, I quickly replied and immediately found a
pull-down menu to the right of "Cindy" labeled "Cig type". I clicked on it
and selected the strongest cigarette.
- Mmmmm, goooood, the Marlboro woman whispered and smiled at me in a
teasing way. - I would like one of those myself, she giggled.
- Mmmmm, "Cindy" replied similarly, that's the best one for my lungs.
I was waiting for the computer-animated woman to start to smoke, but
nothing at all happened. I gave the woman an inquiring glance.
- Come on, she needs your help!
I looked at the screen and couldn't understand why I hadn't seen
the buttons to click on. "Light up", the first one said, "Drag", the
second one said, "Inhale", "Exhale", "Nose Exhale". No "French Inhale",
I noticed; the "Nose Exhale" was at the very bottom of the screen.
- No French-Inhale-button, I smiled at the woman beside me.
She laughed.
- No French-Inhale, but that would be a good idea, she said.
- Or maybe it's so hard to animate such a tthing with good quality
so you'll have to be content with a real-life expert, she whispered
smiling.
I decided to really test the machine and started with clicking
on "Exhale". "Come oooon", "Cindy" moaned.
- I like that sort of error message, I smiled at the Marlboro woman.
After making Cindy moan another time, I clicked "Light up", and the mouse
pointer changed from a little arrow to a lighter. I got the idea and moved
it to the strong cigarette which she had put between her lips when I
pressed the button. I clicked the left button once and the famous
"click" was heard, but nothing happened, except for that Cindy
suddenly looked disappointed. Almost instinctively, I double-clicked
and the cigarette end turned orange at the same time as Cindy looked
happy again.
- You mustn't play with her like that, the Marlboro woman whispered,
pretending to be very serious. She turned her head and coughed twice.
I clicked "Inhale" but nothing happened. "You forgot to let her
suck on it first", the non-animated woman beside me giggled. I followed
her advice and let poor Cindy drag, by clicking "Drag". The mouse
pointer changed to a little watch.
- Now, you click on her cheek and hold the button down as long as
you want her to drag, the woman explained and I pressed the mouse's
left button after pointing the watch to her cheek. The program was
really realistic; her cheeks really caved in!
After five seconds,
I released the buttons, waited another five seconds before clicking
"Inhale". Cindy opened her mouth and closed her eyes.
- You can see her satisfaction level up here, the Marlboro woman
said and pointed with her finger at the top of the screen where a
red "10" had appeared. - It's calculated based on how much the model
likes the cigarette you chosed, how long she has the smoke in her mouth,
and how long she has it in her lungs. You understand? The more she likes
the cigarette, the longer she wants to enjoy the smoke.
- So I can see whether she likes the cigarette or not?
- Yes, more or less. The program's supposed to be a sort of game;
you pick one out of 50 models and make her smoke. There are some other
features too, and, above all, you will be able to download more
models from the net in the future!
I had completely forgotten about Cindy for a while and quickly
pressed the "Exhale" button. Cindy exhaled a little
cloud of smoke, still smiling but not as happily as before.
I clicked again and hold the mouse button down and Cindy made
a long, cone-shaped mouth exhale.
- You see?, the woman said and pointed at the satisfaction level
again. - You let her keep the smoke too long, otherwise you would have
got a much higher value. Even if she happens to love that cigarette sort,
you can't force her to keep the smoke for half an hour, you know...
- Then I would get a zero score?
- Yep, well if you would really let her keep the smoke for a ridiculously
long time, like more than a couple of minutes, her lungs would stop working.
- What happens then?, I asked.
- It's "Game Over" simply, you'll have to re-start the game with her
or with another model. She starts wheezing "my lungs, my black, tar-filled lungs"
and falls down on her knees in a sort of wheezing, raspy coughing fit.
Now, if you wish you can try Cindy by yourself for a while, I'll just step
outside to... you know...
She made a gesture like if she was smoking a cigarette and I knew.
First I was surprised that she could just leave the place like that but
I realized there were few visitors in this part of the hall. I couldn't
understand the excitement for those motorbikes and space rockets anymore.
I was about to click "Drag" again but by mistake I clicked on "Exhale", and Cindy exhaled a little again. Her lungs weren't empty! I clicked "Nose Exhale" and hold the button down. Cindy closed her mouth and exhaled some more smoke from her cute nose, then her lungs were empty and I decided to feed them again. This time, I let her drag, drag, drag, drag and drag. I let it go on until her cheeks had caved in for a long while before I let her inhale. I let her keep the smoke for exactly ten seconds before clicking "Nose Exhale" and keeping the mouse button pressed for four seconds. The smoke cloud made the whole screen area grey for a while and before pressing the standard "Exhale" button, I gave that Marlboro representative a thought. I wondered where on her body I should "click" to make her smoke for me.
I got really excited and let Cindy finish the cigarette in two huge
drags. I wished there had been a way to make her drag at the same time as
she nose-exhaled the previously inhaled smoke, and thought I should
tell the wonderful Marlboro woman about my idea when she returned.
Cindy now had all that cigarette smoke in her mouth when I noticed
it was possible to scroll the whole screen down and I scrolled a little,
to find another button called "Cough". I couldn't believe my eyes, and
my heart which had been beating harder and harder almost reached
it limitations. First, I clicked "inhale" and then clicked once on "Cough".
Cindy's smile disappeared, she frowned a little and a raspy hack was heard.
I let her have the smoke in her lungs for a while before clicking once again
on "Cough". It sounded deeper this time. I clicked "Exhale" until her lungs
were empty and double-clicked on "Cough", which made Cindy cough twice.
I made a sequence of Cough-clickings, and each click made her cough once.
The program was intelligent enough to combine my click sequence into a
complete coughing fit; her coughings were deeper and deeper and she
started to bend her body forward more and more.
I now got the idea to press the mouse's right button, which caused
her to produce a short, but genuine coughing fit herself. Hmmm.. same
principle again perhaps, I thought and my heart was playing drums inside me
when I pressed the right button and hold it down. Cindy coughed and coughed,
inhaled when I released the button just to go on coughing even worse when
I hold it down again. The sound was really realistic, and it sounded
deeper and deeper. I started to wonder how long it could go on. After
yet almost a minute, a little beep was heard and a new window was displayed.
It said "Warning, lungs on their way soon" and had two buttons; "OK" and
"Cancel". I clicked "Cancel" but let her keep coughing, now mixing left-clicks
with holding down the right button. Her coughing fit soon resulted in a new
warning, and I pressed "OK". Cindy made a sound like if she was choking
and two pink lungs, but with black stains, came from her mouth in a
fantastic speed. In less than a second they had filled the whole screen
together with a grey smoke cloud coming from inside them.
I was breathing heavily, my heart felt like if it was going to explode and
I was sweating.
- What have you done with my little Cindy?, the Marlboro woman suddenly
whispered. I almost jumped up from the chair I was sitting on. The woman
had been so close to me, so her breathe reached my nose. Not even her
strong parfume could beat the smell of smoke from her mouth this time.
- How much?, I asked, still breathing heavily.
- You're really into this, aren't you?, she smiled in that teasing way.
- How much, I repeated.
She handed over some information paper with a web address where I could
order the software, simply. - The web page also tells how to download
extra models after you've purchased the CD with the base set. But there's
a bug.
- What then, I asked. I had calmed down a little.
- The best model isn't controllable from that user interface you tried.
So she isn't even downloadable.
- How do I get hold of her then, then I asked.
- I'm here, and I can't wait anymore now. Let's go, she moaned in my ear.
The rest of the story is beyond the topic of the software vendor's license agreement...