Dr. Felicia McShanahan, psychiastrist specialized on the psychological effect of lung-related problems on women, has gathered seven of her patients for a conversational therapy session.
- Now, all of you have a chronical cough. Brenda, your
Cystic Fibrosis is giving you long coughing fits every day,
lasting until the mucus from your lungs has moved away.
You're 19, and you're coughing like an old lady, you say.
Brenda nods, fighting with her urge to cough.
- Laura, your chronical bronchitis makes you sound like your entire chest was full of leathering shampoo and you're afraid to go out among other people because you keep coughing your mucus up all the time. And, Elisabeth, you also have a chronical bronchitis combined with a smoker's cough, and you don't want to quit smoking. Finally, here's Mary. Mary, you have days when you can't hardly talk without starting to cough. All of you have had a lifetime of coughing, and all of you are getting bad self confidence because of it. Some of you are even afraid of going outside, some of you feel broken because of all people telling you to see a doctor, stop smoking or, even worse, because of those moving away from you like if you were infected by the plague. Brenda, you have even been ganged up on in your school class. You have told me how your school mates were calling you names and so on when you stood in the corridor with your young, thin body shaking from a coughing fit.
- Now, today, all of you have been treated for your psycho-social problems. All of you have spent several hours talking with me. You have been talking, crying and coughing. I've listened to you, helped you to express your own thoughts and concern, and, not to forget, when you've had your coughing fits, I've waited for them to stop without putting you under stress. I've taught you that it's not true that the whole world wants to be anywhere else while you're coughing, by moving closer to you during your coughing fits, touching you and even taking your hands in mine right after you have almost been coughing your lungs up in your hands. I've let Elisabeth smoke during our conversations to also learn that it's OK to cough, or as in your case, get a worse cough, because of something you're doing deliberately. When Laura has been about to cough her loose, wet mucus up, I've encouraged her to do it, right there in front of me.
- After a while, we started to have this sort of group conversation to share each others thoughts and experiences. Now, when I've noticed, and heard from at least two of you, that you've finally started to feel better, I think it's time for the exam before you go out to your new, happy lives full of coughing. Well, exam I said, what we're going to do is something completely new. We're going to make your cough into something positive, so that your negative thoughts are replaced by positive ones! I'm talking - about - a coughing contest.
- What's that, Brenda asks curiously.
- I'm going to count points. You'll watch a short, comic film, and your laughters will certainly make you cough. I've spent an hour or two on finding a fair way of setting the points, but I can't reveal it because then you would know what to do to get a higher score. So - let's start!
Dr McShanahan asks her patients to sit down on chairs placed in a row in front of the TV screen, reduces the light in the room and starts the video player. She sits down beside the screen to watch the women and make notes.
After 15 minutes, the film ends, but the women are still coughing. Brenda's face is red and her eyes are full of tears. They're all exhausted and they're breathing heavily.
- Now, time for me to tell you how I've counted your points. I've invented a little scheme:
| One hand cupped over mouth | 5 points each time you put the hand there |
| One hand fist-formed over mouth | 3 points each time you put the hand there |
| Two hands with fingers over mouth | 7 points each time you put the hands there |
| Two hands with finger tips on your nose wings | 10 points each time you put the hands there |
| Both hands up over nose | 15 points each time you put the hands there |
| Red face | 5 points |
| Panic in your eyes | 15 points |
| Worried or troubled face expression | 10 points |
| Tears in eyes | 15 points |
| Massaging your own chest | 10 points |
| Whopping, losing your air | 25 points |
- Before revealing who won, I want you to listen carefully to what I say now, because this is what you must try to carry inside yourselves for the future. Brenda, you were almost dancing on the chair in your worst phase. You lost your air, you almost cried, everything. But you did it beautifully - the sight of your body moving is fantastic, and the soft way in which you were massaging your rattling chest was also fantastic. The coughing Brenda is a beautiful brenda. Be proud of your cough!
Laura - the deep, rattlings that were heard from you almost without interruption were so soft and warm. Not disgusting or anything. Your rattling breathe and your way of slowly swallowing your own mucus down are nothing to be ashamed of.
Elisabeth - just keep on smoking. Your cough is a part of your life, and your lungs feel alone without cigarette smoke in them. You're a smoker - full stop. Keep on smoking and keep on coughing.
Mary, and the same goes for all of you - learn to know your cough and regard it as a friend, or at least as a part of your body. You're all beautiful when you're coughing. Your ways of softly cupping your hand over the mouth and, even better, your ways of softly putting your finger tips on the nose are beautiful. The way your chests and your whole bodies shake when you cough is beautiful.
So, just go out to the world and show them your cough! The winner is - of course - young Brenda. Your cough is so full of energy, and you made an almost complete show by first hiding your nose under your hands, then cupping just one hand over your mouth while massaging the chest with the other hand. Your face got red, your eyes got full of tears, you looked like you were going to panic at a time - everything! I'm not going to reveal the exact point amounts, nor will I tell you the ranking among you other three. Let's just summarize - you're all great, professional and attractive coughers, and Brenda is now the official queen of coughers!