| The Teaser (1973) 72 minutes |
| *with respect to Joe Bob Briggs |
| As much as it may offend some people to read this, I heartily enjoy a good rape/revenge story. Even more than I enjoy a good rape/revenge story, I relish ogling Ms. Rene Bond (Country Hooker). So, as you can guess, when I heard about Something Weird Video�s latest double feature release I just about flipped my lid. Surprisingly, this is their first release with Rene Bond as the central them, even though they�ve already put out a gaggle of films with plenty of her skin on display. The end result is a mixed bag. Although the film definitely delivers the goods as far as Bond is concerned, the finished product left me feeling a little bit unfulfilled. Pair that with the fact that the disc is a bit confusing as to which versions of the films and trailers we�re seeing and you�ve got a near miss (that�s still probably a must have for fans of Bond).
First things first, let�s get to the movie. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions here, but when I read about this movie initially I thought Bond was going to be in the title role and get raped (a la Girl in a Basket possibly) and come back to set the wrongs right. Well, I struck out on that one! To begin with, the title role is played by Becky Sharpe, and as you can imagine, she�s the one that gets raped, not Bond. To add insult to injury, no revenge whatsoever seems to be sought�unless you count the initial rape as revenge (more on that later). To be fair, none of the above criticisms are really the fault of the film. This can mostly be blamed on me thinking that I�m an exploitation know-it-all! Anyway, as previously the stated, Sharpe plays the title role of our teaser (named Becky Bartolucci in the film to avoid any confusion). The Teaser works at a stamp shop by day where she shoots down the physical advances of a potential courtier, Sidney (John Paul Jones from Country Hooker). While Sidney is more than a little hot for the Teaser, apparently he respects her enough to leave her be after his coercions fail. So far, Becky hasn�t done much to earn her title role as The Teaser though. She really didn�t seem to be teasing Sidney too much in the stamp shop. In her free time though, she really earns her scout badge in teasing. She goes to a dingy looking nightclub and shakes herself right out of her skimpy bikini. This attracts the attention of none Ric Lutze as Buck (billed here as Ric Loots � Country Hooker) who sends over Sandy Dempsey (the last remaining principle from Country Hooker!) with some greenbacks to convince her to spend a little extra time with him in private. Since Becky is a teaser she declines his offer, saying that she just likes to dance (in the nude). She hasn�t heard the last of Buck though; he starts to follow her home. As fate would have it, she has a bit of car trouble and has to pull over to the side of the road. Buck seizes the opportunity and puts on his nice guy face and offers assistance. After doing a whole lot of nothing he tells her that the car can�t be fixed there and that it�ll have to be towed to a garage. Feeling the mood is right, Buck puts the moves on the Teaser. Holding true to her trade though, she refuses his advances. Not to be pushed aside as easily as Sidney, Buck forces the issue and ends up tying her up, raping her, and leaving her stranded in the car. Luckily, a rich couple, Paul and Andrea (Carlos Cole in his first in a series of one role* and Bond) find her and take her into their home. I know Bond isn�t as highly regarded as she for her acting, but this one makes her turn in Country Cuzzins look Oscar worthy! A good deal of the movies she�s in have a lot of adlibbing, most likely because there�s no formal script beyond a few notes. Unlike other movies though, most lines in The Teaser seem like the actors are saying them for the first time and wondering if they�re right. It�s actually Lutze and Dempsey (in her small role) who come of the best here acting wise, coming off at least with the most self assurance. I�m sure anyone watching The Teaser isn�t too concerned with the acting. I only mentioned it because it is slightly sub par when compared to similar movies. Anyway, back to Bond and co. They take Bond in and let her call her over bearing mother. Her mother demands to know where she was the previous night and that she come home immediately. Becky is too ashamed to tell her worrywart of a mother the whole story, so she leaves out the rape and tells her not to fret since she�ll be home soon. While Paul heads off to work, or whatever it is he does, Andrea tries to comfort Becky with breakfast, a nude swim, a massage, and some lesbian sex! These scenes are slow and sensual. They�re sure to please Bond fans, but aren�t remarkable enough to win her over to new people. Things really start to spin out of control when a plot twist is thrown out from left field that informs us that Paul sells young girls into white slavery. That�s one that makes you do a double take. To make matters worse, he wants to sell her to Buck! No offense to Lutze, but what the hell is that guy going to do with his very own white slave? He�s not exactly Olga. Regardless of Buck�s slave owning capabilities, Paul and Andrea throw a swingers party to ease her into things and invite Buck to complete the transaction. The party is really the coupe de force of the film and gives it legs of its own to stand on. There�s crazy sex going on everywhere, and Bond puts on an excellent show as would be expected. She looks to be the energetic and enthusiastic Rene that we�ve all come to know and love. Unlike the other scenes involving her, I would wager that this one would win over some of the uninitiated. This scene also has the most effective cinematic scene, even if it is a little nonsensical. The frantic editing of the sex scenes are inter cut with musical stings and what appears to be a creepy drawn image of Becky�leading me to believe that she just might start coming unhinged. Behold, there was potential for the revenge that I so desperately desired from this movie! next page |