| Horror House on Highway Five (1985) Dir: Richard Casey Cast: Phil Therrien, Max Manthey, Irene F. Rated R, Approx: 87 minutes Simitar Entertainment Inc. Video |
| Matt's Rating: ** (out of 5) |
| Reviewed by Matt Serafini 02/27/02 |
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| Bargain basement horror films don't get much stranger than this odd little effort from 1985, made with obviously low production values and populated with laughably stiff performances, this weird film may actually sound a lot better than it actually is-but it may actually be hard to hate if you're in the mood for some awful fun. Making sense out of the convoluted storyline is almost impossible, but the film opens with a brutal (and drawn out) stalk and slash murder involving a boyfriend sneaking around his girlfriend's house wearing a Richard Nixon mask. When his beau rejects him, the joker is killed and the murderer dons the mask only to enter the house and kill the girl. This extended opening is dulled as a result of over length not to mention a hilariously bad knockoff of the Halloween musical sting. From there, we meet a trio of dull college students, Mike, Louise and Sally who are assigned by their college professor to conduct research on an old fugitive nazi doctor by the name of Bartholomule. This nazi doctor it seems, escaped to America, conducted very strange research experiments in the town of Middletown before vanishing without a trace. As Mark and Louise enter Middletown to research the legend of Bartholomule, Sally sets out to interview a local doctor who is believed to know a little about the fugitive nazi and his experiments on something called the B-2 rocket. Before long, the doctor (whom we discover is unlicensed), drugs and kidnaps Sally with the aide of his slightly retarded brother and they wind up taking her to a strange, secluded house in Middletown which once belonged to Bartholomule. As the masked maniac runs amok killing teenagers at random, Mike and Louise stumble upon the house and discover several bizarre hidden secrets of Bartholomule climaxing in one of the most nonsensical endings you're ever likely to see. Horror House on Highway Five perhaps could've come off better if more competence has been infused into the proceedings. A bizarre menagerie of Last House on the Left, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween none of the elements gel particularly well thanks to a truly inept screenplay that basically refuses to explain much of anything. We never know for sure why the madman is running amok and while his identity is eventually revealed, it still makes little sense. As far as the mad, unlicensed doctor and his brother go, they are given precious little to do aside from spouting some truly hilarious dialogue along with conducting some crazy nazi ritual on their prisoner. The doctor complains about parasites in his brain chomping away at his sanity (in what I believed to be some bizarre parallel to Hitler mythology) and says things to his brother such as, "Look at you, you've got a boner!" Horrendously amusing dialogue isn't relegated to the brothers however, it's all over this film. Fans of bad dialogue should have a great time digesting all of the absurdities. Another very funny moment occurs when a teenage couple runs over the killer in self-defense as the girl exclaims, "What's wrong with you!? You just ran that guy over, you must have a low IQ!!!" This is an especially bad film, but not entirely without merit. While those searching for a legitimately good film are advised to steer clear of highway five. Folks with a soft spot for the terrible entries in the horror genre may want to see this one, if only to revel in the sheer strangeness of it all. Director Richard Casey supposedly had experience directing music videos, but his technical abilities are certainly absent here robbing the film of some much needed punch. Most of the film plays out rather clunky and clumsy and Casey scores every scene to really goofy, twangy rock music that adds (more) humor to the already silly film. There's a nice sense of humor throughout the film that does provide for some genuinely funny (if rather slight) moments, just looking at the sight of a murderer dressed, as Richard Nixon is amusing, never mind the fact that the actor is credited as Ronald Raegan! It's a rare thing for a film to be both intentionally comical and unintentionally hilarious at the same time and as a result of being such, Horror House on Highway Five is a film that's just too hard to hate entirely. This isn't exactly a shining endorsement, nor should it be interpreted as such, but horror fans looking for some fun with a terrible film should definitely take note of this one. You may just find yourself strangely engrossed. |