| The Bone Collector (1999) Dir: Phillip Noyce Cast: Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie, Queen Latifah, Michael Rooker, Mike McGlone, Luis Guzman, Leland Orser, Ed O'Neill Rated R, Approx: 118 minutes Universal Pictures Video and DVD |
| Matt's Rating: * (out of 5) |
| Reviewed by Matt Serafini 02/28/02 |
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| You really need to be able to turn your brain off to derive any possible enjoyment from 1999's dumbest movie. The Bone Collector is such an absurdity that it's absolutely flabbergasting to see two Oscar-winning actors (Washington and Jolie) starring in it. You might be asking yourself exactly how stupid a movie like this can be. Well for starters, it assumes that you the viewer are an idiot. It figures that its audience knows absolutely nothing about the presented subject matter and as a result berates us with some of the laziest screenwriting witnessed in this type of film. Ignore all comparisons to the incomparable efforts of Seven or The Silence of the Lambs, having your characters lurk around spooky dimly lit crime scenes do not a psychological masterpiece make. The Bone Collector isn't on the same level as those two, not even close. It's much closer to your typical 'direct to video' rip off, the kind of film that stinks up the shelves of your local video store. The real bad kind that you consider renting on a Saturday night after all of the week's popular titles have been rented out. One only needs to think about this film to realize how awful it actually is.
Washington is Lincoln Rhyme, a paralyzed ex cop and brilliant forensics scientist. When a madman begins running amok in New York City leaving forensic evidence behind, the NYPD turn to Rhyme to help them catch the murderer. Aiding him is Amelia Donaghy (Jolie), a rookie beat cop whom Rhyme recruits to be his 'hands on' legs at the various crime scenes. To go into the plot of the film any more is absolutely futile. The screenplay by Jeremy Iacone is absolutely absurd. Based upon the book of the same name by Jeffrey Deaver, it can only be surmised that Iacone jettisoned much of the novel's intelligence in favor of some of the silliest moments seen on film in recent years. For starters, how someone unofficially working for the NYPD manages to recruit Jolie�s beat cop to work a forensic case is beyond me. There is resistance to her 'promotion' courtesy of Captain Howard Cheney (Michael Rooker-trying REALLY hard to be the obvious red herring) but it doesn't matter all that much. Jolie is sent to the crime scenes alone, left to fumble around in the darkness where the killer may still be lurking. One particularly hilarious moment comes when Jolie and Washington argue on whether or not to cut the hand off of a body in order to get fingerprints. The Bone Collector continues to stoop to more lows as the film continues and by the time the murderer is revealed, it's damn near impossible to recall the guilty character. The narrative is so clumsy that this person is introduced once near the very start of the film and quickly vanishes until the convenient finish. As the killer explains his motives in an ending that makes Scream's Scooby Doo climax seem convincing, the reasons provided are surely among the dumbest ever projected onto the screen; and just wait until you see the uproarious fight between the paralyzed Washington and the killer! This is the kind of lazy film where evidence is merely left at a crime scene leaving the heroes simply to pick it up, the forensic science of the film appears to be entirely falsified and everything that happens is much too convenient. It's rather coincidental (and neatly convenient) that Washington just happens to know everything off the top of his head. This one fails miserably in terms of developing convincing characters as well as creating a believable, frightening story. We're never sure of whom Washington's Rhyme really is. We know he's a paralyzed cop who just can't put his past behind him-it's all that he has and that's about all we know! Jolie's Donaghy is even cloudier. It's revealed that her father committed suicide years ago although this never comes into play in the film; rather it comes off as a clumsy attempt at developing her character. In all honesty, what does that really tell us about her? The budding romance between the two major players is hilariously out of place and entirely unbelievable (it seems very forced for no other reason than the fact that a male and female can't simply maintain a professional relationship in a Hollywood production without that romantic attraction being forced in there). All the other characters that pop up here and there amount to nothing more than generic, typical cutouts-and largely uninteresting ones at that. It's always a shame to see a whole cast of talented supporting players wasted in several equally thankless roles. What's particularly appalling about the film is the fact that it managed to make some money at the box office. The fact that such a senseless, stupid and contrived thriller with more holes than a Pirate's Cove can be accepted by the general public at the box office is insulting. While the actors try hard to cover the stench of this embarrassing pile of feces, it's impossible to overlook the overall ineptness of this project. Director Noyce seems to be attempting to duplicate the dark, unsettling feel of Seven and writer Jeremy Iacone displays great incompetence with his messy screenplay. Both fail miserably in their attempts at creating something memorable or realistic. This may not be such a chore of a film to sit through, it's slickly done to be fair but ultimately it's hollow and just plain dumb, dumb, dumb! Avoid this bunk unless all it takes to entertain you is the presence of star power, for that's really all there is going for this garbage. |