| SPORTS |
| TOSINOLIAN TIMES |
| LINKS |
| SHOUT OUTS!!! |
| HATERS' PAGE |
| CONTACTS |
| DEAR JENUWINE |
| SUBMITTING WORK |
| IDEAS |
| HELP WANTED |
| ABOUT THE CREW |
 |
| MISCELLANEOUS JOKES |
 |
| Top Ten: Questions that Make You Go, "Huh?" 1. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 2. What happens if you get scared to death twice? 3. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2? 4. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 5. If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success? 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 7. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 8. If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers? 9. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 10. Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? |
| FOREST FIRES |
 |
| The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. |
| As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?" |
| Things Found Only in America 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke. 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. |
 |
| YOUR CALL |
 |
| Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: �Change your course 10 degree east.� The light signals back: �Change yours, 10 degrees west.� Angry, the captain sends: �I�m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!� �I�m a seaman, second class,� comes the reply. �Change your course, sir.� Now the captain is furious. �I�m a battleship! I�m not changing course!� There is one last reply. �I�m a lighthouse. Your call.� |
| Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies -It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. -A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. -If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. -Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. -It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. -When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. -No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. -Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. -When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. -You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. -Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. -An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child. -Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on. |
 |