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| ABOUT THE CREW |
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| PAGE 2 OF 3 |
| A Bill For Clothes on Floor Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents. By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50- cent tip and a note that read, "Thanks, Mom; keep up the good work!" |
| TELL ME LITTLE BY LITTLE |
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| A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother. Brother 1: So how is my cat doing? Brother 2: He's Dead |
| Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground. Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again. Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing? Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down |
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| I�M THIRSTY |
| His father sends a small boy to bed. Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." |
| "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" |
| FOR BEST FRIENDS |
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| Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like"Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says"Congratulations, you got twins |
| x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! |
| Desperate to Conceive a Child |
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| A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you." When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him. "He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply. |
| GENIES & MOTHER-IN-LAWS |
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| One day a man found an odd-looking lamp and rubbed it. From inside came a genie that told him he would get three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. "What would you like for your first wish?" asked the genie. "I want one billion dollars," replies the man. "Remember," says the genie, "your mother-in-law gets double of what you get." |
| "I know," replied the man. The man then chooses his second wish, "I wish I had a brand new sports car." So he gets his second wish and he's very content. "Your mother-in-law gets double what you get, now what would you like for your third wish?" asks the genie. The man ponders for a moment, then answers, "I wish to be beaten half to death." |