| SPORTS |
| TOSINOLIAN TIMES |
| LINKS |
| SHOUT OUTS!!! |
| HATERS' PAGE |
| CONTACTS |
| DEAR JENUWINE |
| SUBMITTING WORK |
| IDEAS |
| HELP WANTED |
| ABOUT THE CREW |
 |
| ANIMAL JOKES |
| GORILLAS A gorilla walked into a drugstore and ordered a $1.50 chocolate sundae. He put a ten-dollar bill on the counter to pay for it. The clerk thought, what could a gorilla know about money? So he gave the gorilla a single dollar bill in change. As he did, the clerk said, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here." "No wonder," the gorilla replied, "at nine dollars a sundae." |
 |
| BLACK SNAKES It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled. "What happened?" asked a fellow camper. "I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed. The camper laughed and retorted, "A black snake isn't deadly." "Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a fifty-foot cliff, he is!" |
 |
| A GOOD MENU A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner � to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species. While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidentally hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything. The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job � to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything. The zoo owner was pleased with the man�s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo�s beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything. The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents �what�s the food like here?� One of the zoo�s resident lions said, �Oh, it�s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.� |
 |
| THREE DUMB HUNTERS Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck." So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe." So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see." So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!" |
 |
| JESUS IS WATCHING YOU Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus." |
 |
| GODS A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God! |