| to say i love you 2001/08/24 21:34:55 |
| 12:01 am .. chinese valentine's day... i teased one of my good friend on the phone before she was about to go on the date with her boyfriend. "make sure you took your pills".. i teased her. "or carry your cherry flavored 'thing' so you won't have to ask me for money to get abortion a few months later. it is known that girls tend to have higher chance of pregnancy during this special holiday!" "damn you! coffee!" she yelled at me over the phone.. but it did not hide the happy tone in her voice. i could almost see her smirk on the other end of the line before she hung up the phone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i thought she would call.. guess she did not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ she must be busy.. i told myself. yet i knew that she might just never gonna call. it's 12 hour into chinese valentine's day already over at her time. i dreamed of her last night. she was still wearing her red little shirt.. jeans. she always looked good in red. waiting on the downstairs of her apt. and saw her gotten off from someone else's car. kissed him and say good night to him. and then he drove away in his red bimmer. i watched her.. dancing (or walking) as a little bunny.. into her apartment. her happiness were like a knife that cuts me deep pass my heart. she was happy.. just not with me. wanted to call her.. but instead.. i woke up from my dream with tears on my pillow. i sat up in my bed.. staring at the pitch darkness... try to capture a lady in red... with a daisy in her hand.....jumping like a little rabbit to me.. and calling me honey while digging herself into my arms. i guess there were no red shirt or a little shadow of my bunny on the wall.. just the moon light shined on the floor. it was so quiet out there.. the clock showed 4:30 am. i spent the rest of today.. walking in the park. a little turtle floated up from the pond. a couple of ducks were feeding from the park goers' bread. girl with a big dog walked pass me.. as i was staring into the water in the pond with my hands in my pockets. falling leaves glided through the face of the calm water.. i miss her a lot... i wish i had the chance to say "i love you" when she was here... i wonder if she is doing the same thing today.. happy chinese valentine's day, wishing all of you could be with the one you love! |
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