| she did not even know how he left this relationship. one day it was like walking on the street in a raining day without umbrella. all the sudden she was the only one standing in the rain with no cover or a place to hide. she looked around and try to find him, and realized he was not in her life anymore. then she started to call him. she wanted to say something to him. but instead of talking to him.. now all she does is just listening to his voice over the phone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "is that you?" he said. the same mellow tone that would have melt anyone's heart. she wanted to say something.. but she only found herself pushed the end button in lighting speed. her heart jumped so vigorously and she could barely catch her breathe. it was the 6th calls she made to him in this morning already. "what is the matter, dear?" her boyfriend walked into the bedroom from the restroom and asked. "I am ok.. let's just get yourself ready to go to work." she said... almost jumped out of her bed with shock that her boyfriend had not left home yet. she always wakes up about the same time as her boyfriend does. she takes care of his breakfast and her own and get themselves ready to work. he normally leaves home half hour earlier then she does. it leaves her about half an hour to be alone. she has always wondered if she is happier then she was before. two weeks ago her boyfriend had proposed to her and she had agreed to marry him. but yet.. right after she nodded her head, that familiar person had floated up in her heart. she does not know how to end this phone calling games.. perhaps it has never been a game to her. listening to his voice everyday is just something she has to do in order to know she is still alive instead of a walking dead. she hates weekend.. because her boyfriend would always be around and it would be more difficult to find the right chance to call him. she used to called him almost every hour.... when she was really depressed after the break-up and when she had not yet found her current boyfriend. lately she had discovered there were other ways to reach him instead of calling. she called less but now she log onto the internet a lot more the before. she discovered that he wrote stuff on a forum a lot from a friend of hers. she made a name and started to reply to his massage. she did not know how exactly she had made him think she was his beloved ex.. the one that was always in his mind long before she had fallen in love with him. but she enjoyed the attention that she got from him. she had promised to write e- mail to him on one of her reply but yet.. she would not be able to reveal her real identity. instead of using her normal e-mail address, she used a different one and hope he would not remember seeing that one. she was so much into role playing as his ex girlfriend that he loved dearly.. she had made a big mistake by suggesting she would see him on his big day. after she had posted that message, she did not know how she could be able to show up on that day. well.. she did.. actually... one block away from his house.. she saw him walking out of his house with fishing rods after 3 hours of waiting. she wanted to call him to just to listen to his voice again. but her heart had pumped so fast that she was shaking so badly and she could not be able to touch her cell phone after seeing him. she followed his car to a little bay right under the bridge. saw him got out of his car, with his dog. he walked all the way to the far end of the rock. he started to set up his fishing rods. with dog right next to him, on his birthday while only a couple of old men standing on the rock fishing. "he is fishing with those old people." she thought. tears stared to fall from her eyes like thunderstorm. he was just a little white figure on that rock seeing from parking lot. but she could be able to feel how lonely his heart was... being alone fishing with old men on his birthday.. she knew she had made him to be alone on this day waiting for her to call by making that lie of seeing him.. but she did not mean to see him so sad and lonely... then again, she rather seeing him being alone then spend some time with other girls. soon after she got home, she dived into her bed and cried her heart out. she missed him so much that she had realized there would be no way he would ever be out of her mind in this life time. her boyfriend walked into the room from watching tv asked her if she was ok.. she threw a pillow at his face and screamed at him; begging him to leave her alone. she thought she would never stop crying...... and she would never be able to love anyone as much as she did to him..... she was tearing herself apart and all her pieces would be fallen into a big black holes that would never see the bright day light again....... |
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