| paper shredder 3/29/2002 i sit on the area rug in the living room, feeding the paper shredder with invoices that i just torn off from one of the few hundreds books of invoices. they were dated back since sep. 1995. most of them had high priced ticketed items up to few thousand dollars written on them, and i just picked one that i wrote; with my not so clear handwriting, it was written at a computer show in long island, at the end of 95. i started my own career early.. became one of the youngest and successful CEO in computer hardware industry.. 2 years after i graduate from college. life is just a roller coaster ride, ain't it? i started from zero... peaked to millions... and now down to negative. what a thrill. i sneezed.. from the dust that had accumulated on those invoices. the paper shredder is begging for more.. more and it shreds them into pieces.. with unrecognizable writing on strings of paper. and as the shredder is screaming and begging to chew up more invoices, it looks and sounds like a pack hungry wolves; chewing away my youth.. my life... like those papers.. into million pieces of little wastes, or flesh and wounds for the wolves. what is left of me? i look into the mirror, see 2 holes in my face which represent eye sockets.... and they stay there...lifeless. i look at the corner of my lips, instead of that confident inspiring smiles that i had always have, there are just wrinkles... lines mixed and crossed each other and made up a whirlpool. and it wants to drain down all the energies that is left in me... even from the mirror. the love that i had always have.... had became all hatred which punctured through my chest.. left a deep black hole.. so deep that i can not see.. but feel it every night when the windows are shut and curtains are closed. and it creeps deep into my dream.. it sucks all the colors of my sweet dreams away and vomit out tons of nightmares. what have became of me? perhaps i will disappeared and dissolved into the hole in my chest.. and never see the daylight again... and forget about how blue the sky was.. how nice girls' smiles were.. and how fast the adrenaline rushed through my fingertips when i pushed the gas of my bike to 180... and forget about all the warm touches and kisses on my skin from her. or perhaps i shall stop all the writing here.. head back to the shredder.. as it is scream and begging for more papers.. more invoices.. more of my life.. my youth.. my love.. and more of me.. |
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