| last day 2001/05/07 20:45:36 |
| it's my last day at this brokerage firm.. been here for a little more then 9 months. i started in a hazy hot summer morning and ended in a cold spring afternoon. i changed .. yeah.. from someone who knows nothing about financial to a fully armored stock broker. if i could have know better about finance, i would not ended up where i am now....i had lost my house, my cars.. my motorcycles. and most of all.. my youth. all these assets i had earned... and all these i had worked hard for... gone. cleaned up my last desk drawer. make sure everything that were supposed to go to the garbage.. went. i removed my headset from my phone. gave my favorite little plant to my co worker. cleaned up the keyboard with windex.. so the next person could enjoy a fresh computer. there was a picture. faced down. as i cleaned up my last drawer. i did not know what it was until i flip it over. it's the girl with cello. ha.. i thought i had buried her deeply in my memory. just like my collections of U.S. coins that are still collecting dust in that corner of my room. i remembered i wrote the article "# 9 train " on sina's bbs as the memory i had with her... the last day. should i save it or should i just let it go into that pile of paper which needs to be recycled? i remembered that after we broke up.. she called me and did not say a word over the phone. somehow i knew it was her. she started to cry very softly.... almost silently. but i could heard her breathing irregularly .. i could almost feel it as her breathe was blowing on my shoulder. she cried. for not being with me? nah.. she was supposed to be happy.. life without coffee should be worry free.. isn't it? i asked her " why do you cry?" but all i could had gotten from her was silence. then the phone would hang up. just like what happened for the last couple of weeks. in the middle of the night... early in the morning...could it be her? nah... i doubt it. i was her history. just like the picture of her.. should have gone to the recycle bin. ............................. then i placed her picture in the hidden pocket in my briefcase... as i left my desk. maybe i would "discover" her picture in one of those blue monday in the future. just like now. it's my last day |
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