| Castle in the sky 2001/12/31 13:47:56 the 7th jack daniel on the rock had made my vision blurry as i was trying to find another cigarette in my pocket. the lounge was full of the scent of sweat, perfume, smoke and pheromone as more and more people tried to squeeze into the tight space round the bar. j, my buddy at work.. showed up and rescued me by handing me a marlboro light just in time when i crushed my own empty cigarette box. "so what up?" he asked me as he lighted up another one for himself. "isn't going to a party like this helping you curing your 'holiday blue'?" "nuttin much..." i replied. "just a bit bored... and what holiday blue? i don't have any..." i guessed i couldn't lie to him at all. being a good buddy of mine.. he had noticed my unhappiness a lot when we went out for after work drinks or karaoke. he said i would kind of drift myself away.. and all he could be able to see from me was sorry from my eyes... i told him he could write a couple of sentimental novels by all these funny ideas of his and try to use all these touchy words to pick up some chicks and he would never fail... and j started to flirt with those 2 girls who had pacifiers between their young lips and shake their head while the electro beat shattered the bar table. they must had just dropped a few Es. so many people were high on e.. maybe it's time for my old brain to have a little shock.. they said e was developed in order to treat compulsive depression years ago but now young people just use it to get high... then after buying them drinks.. j held the couple of girls' hands and headed to the dance floor. glow sticks tore the crowded air apart as the music changed from hip pop and reggae to trance and techno. "do you ever question your life... do you ever wonder why... do you ever see in your dreams.. of the castle in the sky..." "castle in the sky".. a song that i loved so much.. i heard it in my girl's car.. it was in the late winter in beginning of the year as her acura sliced through the briskly winter air like a knife on new jersey turnpike. i tried to warm her little hands in my palm and told her that if she wanted to.. i would hold on to her lovely hands as long as i live... we drove back to her apt while listen to the same song over and over again.. then madly made love in her jaccuzzi.. as the next day...she would have to fly back to taiwan and won't turn back to NYC ever again. music continued.. i found myself a comfy couch and laid down.. "merry x-mas!!!" the crowd on the dance floor yelled.. as it just passed 12am. searching for a light.. to light up my last cigarette.. then this girl in red came up to me with a book of match. "thank you...." i told her.. but i could not speak a word after i turned my eyes on her. wasn't she the little duck that i dreamed and dreamed and thinking of nights and days? there would never be anyone in the world who would have those pair of eyes.. she was wearing that red sweater.. just like the first day i met my dearest.. i almost fainted.. but she turned out to be someone else.. my dearest does not smoke.. and the girl in front of me was taller. she smiled to me... as i smiled back.... ~~~~~~~~~~ i woke up with tons of headache.. forgot to take tylenol before i slept.. and i did not ask her #. we talked for the rest of the night as nothing really matters anymore.. then we say goodbye to each other.. i sat in my bed.. turned on the tv with remote.. sky was half gray as it might be snowing in the afternoon. meaningless news.. meaningless pictures and images changing shapes on the tv screen. i dived myself back into the cold pillows.. tomorrow will come.. and i will wake up.. go to work.. come home.. sleep.. wake up.. go to work .. come home and repeat.. until i don't have any feeling anymore.. it must be a dream.. i told myself.. little duck will never be here.. nor the girl in red who i talked for the whole night. and tomorrow i will go to work.. come home.. sleep and repeat again. but for now, x- mas.. i will bury myself in to the cold pillows.. let me dream of the girl in red.. as her image mixed with my little duck.. then they became one.. let me turn on my minidisc.. i remembered i have a song in it called "castle in the sky" "do you ever question your life... do you ever wonder why... do you ever see in your dreams.. of the castle in the sky..." |
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