January, 13, 2000

Life is full of confusion, isn't it?

you can never get what you want.. always.

it's such a cold day.. it reminded me of... that day...

she was sitting right next to me.. same cold say as today...

we ate.... and then i drove her home.... time for her to cook for her bf now.. and i

wonder why had still been here.. sat right next to her. looked at her. hated to see her leave...

i tried ....

i had tried so many things..

"it's just not the same anymore. isn't it?"  i asked.

she thought she would not see me anymore... 

i thought  she was pretty happy with her bf.. or was she? he treated her well.. as i had

heard. and that was all it matters, wasn't it? i wanted her to be happy.. to be free... without

me..  and she had found what she always wanted..

"i feel so insecure being with you " she said... and then she would tell me just how much she

missed me and wishing to be with me... till she couldn't stay any longer.. cause it was time to
cook that darn omelette... and i .... had never ate what she cooked...

i knew i was  not what she wanted... but i was still  so afraid if that would be  the truth.

i wish i could have told her.. isn't lying the best camouflage we could use???

the drive around the sea shore.. dropping her off her house so she would return into the arm of her bf..

what a day... what a day to think of.. all because of this cold weather...