* SLOGAN LIST by Kevin Calman 5/93
* Snappy slogans for imbedding in your signature.
"(C) Copyright IBM Corp. 1991, 1993."
"(reserved for future use)"
"(whines && gripes) >/dev/null"
"(_) Check here if your comment does not require a response."
"*Percent Daily Values (DV) are based on a 2,000 calorie diet"
"...and I'm outta here." -Dennis Miller
"...and that's news to me." -Kevin Nealon
"...and the second string says, 'Please excuse my friend. He's not null-terminated.'"
"...and you're not." -Chevy Chase
"...Not!" -Garth
"...still going!" -said of Rodentia Lapinus Alkalynus Evereadeum
".segaugnal lanoitceridib stroppus 2/SO MBI"
"1/10 of 1% sodium benzoate added to preserve freshness"
"10% off with this coupon"
"110VAC-60HZ Only."
"<expletive deleted>!" -Richard M. Nixon
"A 15% gratuity has been included in this charge. Thank you."
"A government that is big enough to give you all that you want is big enough to take it all away." -Barry Goldwater
"A Jedi warrior want you to be?" -Yoda
"A lecture is an occasion when you numb one end to benefit the other." -John Gould
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." -Willie Wonka
"A man has got to know his limitations." -'Dirty' Harry Callahan
"A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost."
"A poorly managed software project that gets large enough will be unable to improve its reliability regardless of the effort expended." -Admiral Grace Hopper
"A successful project is one where all parties have profited and seek to do business with each other again." -Gilbert Puffer
"Abort, Retry, Fail?"
"Additional figures, accessories, and vehicles sold separately."
"Address correction requested."
"After you learn this part, we'll forget it and move on to something more important..." -An anonymous SD contract instructor
"All man-made materials."
"All rights reserved."
"All things considered, you're doing what you want to."
"Always mount a scratch monkey." -Laura Creighton
"Always wear a helmet."
"And now for something completely different..." -Python, Monty
"And so it goes."
"Any day now, any day." -Lethargic National Bank representative
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Antonin Chekhov
"Any resemblance to real situations, persons, or animals, living or dead, is purely coincidental."
"Anyone in the software business has to eventually view Microsoft as their competitor." -Steven Jobs
"Anyone who tries to sell us a bill-of-goods about OO being a cure-all...should be summarily dismissed." -A 'respected IBM developer'
"Anyone who uses that term {"Japan bashing"} is my intellectual dupe." -the Japan Economic Institute
"Anything above the level of a field mouse likes having its ears scratched." -Larry Niven
"Anything is possible...given enough time and money." -The Programmers' Justification
"Apply liberally."
"Are we not men?" -Devo, 'Jocko Homo'
"As always, our success will depend not on having the best strategies, but on meeting the needs of our customers in the marketplace." -John M. Thompson, Sr VP, IBM Corp.
"Assembled in Mexico of American components."
"Assembled in USA of imported materials."
"Assembly and installation are the reverse of this procedure."
"Batteries not included."
"Battery low - please replace."
"Beam me up, Scotty."
"Berkeley has two products: LSD and BSD Unix. That can't be a coincidence."
"Besides, humans are not mathematically accurate." -Artifical Intelligence, 'Data Drone'
"Billions and billions served"
"Blame me for having to type the backslash in DOS." -Paul Allen
"Book'em, Danno!"
"Breakfast is the supper of champions." -hacker.anonymous
"Bridge freezes before roadway"
"Bubba likes it!"
"Business is war." -Lao Sun Tzu
"But officer, that sign wasn't there yesterday!"
"By placing material (here), I agree to grant IBM a non-exclusive license for the material..."
"By way of deception, do we make war." -Mossad motto
"Calls are answered in the order in which they arrive."
"Can't we all just get along?" -Rodney King
"Carpe diem."
"Caveat emptor."
"Close cover before striking."
"Comes with all you see here."
"Contains artificial and natural flavors and colorings."
"Contains no Classified information."
"Contains petroleum distillates."
"Contains small parts, may present a choking hazard."
"Contains static sensitive devices."
"Contemporary science definitely confirms that the fundamental condition of our existence is to revolve." -Dr. Celaddin B. Celebi, MC of the The Whirling Dervishes of Turkey
"Contents may have settled during shipping."
"Contents under pressure."
"Continue dimming outdoor house lights to prevent millipedes from mating on the lawn." -Jack Eden
"Cruel's a show I kinda starred in before." -Thomas Dolby, 'The Beauty of a Dream'
"Cut me some slack."
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!" -Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Chief medical officer, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)
"DISCLAIMER: THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOT REQUIRED BY LEADER KIBO. HAVE A NICE DAY." -the HappyNet Manifesto
"Discontinue use if rash develops."
"Do not exceed 5000 RPM during break-in period."
"Do not incinerate."
"Do not operate without this guard in place."
"Do not use if inner seal missing or has been tampered with."
"Do you have any 'Grey Poupon'?"
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Do you wish to continue?"
"Don't fret over what you don't have; instead, be happy about what you don't have that you don't want." -Texan popular wisdom
"Don't tread on me" -Libertarian motto
"Don't you just hate it when that happens?"
"Drag me, drop me, treat me like the object that I am."
"Dress optional."
"Due to adult situations and language, this content may not be suitable for minors."
"Due to unforeseen events, unanticipated results are unpredictable."
"E pluribus unum"
"Earn big money! Draw 'Fluffy'!"
"Earn big money! Learn computer programming at home."
"Eat my dust!" -Yosemite Sam
"Eat my shorts!" -Bart Simpson
"Eh-uh, eh-uh! You didn't say the magic word!" -Michael Nedry, 'Jurassic' hacker
"Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads." -They Might Be Giants, "We want a Rock"
"Everything looks intuitively obvious once you get it figured out." -Marcel Kinard
"Everything must go." -'New Realist' credo
"Fabrique au E.U."
"Failure to follow these directions voids all warranties."
"Faire de la bonne cuisine demande un certain temps. Si on vous fait attendre, c'est pour mieux vous servir, et vous plaire." -menu of restaurant Antoine, New Orleans
"First make it work, then make it strong, then make it fast." -Alistair Cockburn
"Flame on!" -Johnny Storm
"For every problem there is a solution which is simple, clean, and wrong." -Henry Louis Mencken
"For longer life, use alkaline batteries."
"For management approved purposes only."
"For pain."
"Former IBMer, will consult for food" -seen by the side of the hall
"Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum."
"Funds deposited may not be immediately available."
"Get Warped!" -Kate Mulligrew
"Get Wired" -Louis Rossetto
"Get your facts first. Then you can distort 'em as much as you please." -Mark Twain
"Give a man a fish, and he will be hungry tomorrow; teach a man to fish and you feed him for the rest of his life."
"Go ahead, make my day!" -'Dirty' Harry Callahan
"Good, Fast, or Cheap:  Choose two."
"He hitotsu wa kusuri sempuku ni makau." -Peter Constantine, 'nihongo'-slinger
"He who will not reason, is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave" -Sir William Drummond
"Heisenberg may have slept here" -(author uncertain)
"Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" -Monty Python, "...and the Holy Grail"
"Home of the 'Flying Objects'"
"Hecho en Mexico."
"I am not a crook." -Richard Milhous Nixon
"I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possibly program, of all time." -Bill Gates
"I can feel it, Dave. My mind is going..." -HAL
"I can't tell what time it is, its changing too fast." -Joshua Calman
"I certainly didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition..."
"I choose... the danger; Hell of a time to ask!" -Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Chief medical officer, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)
"I could build that in my garage over the weekend!"
"I could write that in (n-1) lines of code!"
"I don't know why he hates me, I never did him a favor." -William Randolph Hearst
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality by not dying." -Woody Allen
"I gave at the office."
"I hate this business. If I didn't hate getting up in the morning more, I'd chuck it all in and get a proper job tomorrow." -John Constantine
"I have never seen a company so...caught up in its own underware" -Lou Gerstner
"I love to find life forms!" -Lt.Cmdr Data, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701D)
"I suppose you are wondering why I have gathered you here tonight?" -Hercule Poirot
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I'll kick her butt." -Tonya Harding
"I'm always on the lookout for a new ex-Mrs. Malcom." -Dr. Ian Malcom, 'Jurassic' Chaotician
"I'm sorry, the correct spelling is P-O-T-A-T-O-E." -(Ex)Vice President Quayle
"I've got a girl, and I love her...dog, too." -Tripping Daisies, 'I've Got a Girl'
"IBM has not announced and is not commiting to a product based on this development technology."
"If at first you don't succeed, sell the divisions that did succeed (keeping them around would just make everyone else look worse)."
"If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in." -John Dykstra
"If found, please drop in any mailbox."
"If I have seen further than other men, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." -Sir Isaac Newton
"If ignorance is bliss, how come I'm not happier?"
"If it was easy, everyone would do it!"
"If it works, it's obsolete!"
"If it's in stock, we've got it!" -Oltorf Tire Co.
"If unprofessional behavior is observed, please call 1-800-QUE-PASA"
"If you are reading this, then you are already wasting your time." -Thomas J. Rogers
"If you build it, they will come." -The Voice in the Corn
"If you do not receive this message, please contact your local support area for assistance."
"If you have a touch-tone phone, please press '1' now."
"If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrelfull of sewage, you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrelfull of wine, you get sewage." -Schopenhauer's Law of Entropy
"If you were going to 'Chicago' from here, you'll have to set your watch back two years." -Wally Casey, IBM's Director of Marketing
"If you wish to speak to someone who is accountable, please stay on the line and one of our representatives will be with you shortly."
"In case of emergency, break glass."
"In case of malfunction, try new alkaline batteries."
"In God we trust, all others pay cash."
"In that that is the way that it is, is it that that is the way that it is?" -Robert Fripp
"Inflate to 4-6 lbs/sq.in."
"Information wants to be free." -the Cypherpunks
"Ingredients: sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil."
"Insert card."
"Insert credit now to continue."
"Is that how you react when I forbid something? I won't be forbidding very often then." -Woody Allen, 'Manhattan Murder Mystery'
"It can't be my fault, I only changed one line of code!" -programmer's lament
"It is better to aim for perfection and miss, than to aim for imperfection and hit it." -T.J. Watson, Sr.
"It is easier to ask forgiveness than for permission." -an IBM manager
"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man is always dull." -H.L. Mencken
"It was fun, oh my!" -the last words of James T. Kirk, Captain, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701B)
"It's 12 months to 'Chicago', we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it!" -Steve Gallagher
"It's a UNIX system, I know this!" -Lex Hammond, 'Jurassic' proto-hacker
"It's casual"
"It's not a joke, it's a religion." -Bob
"It's not enough to be on the right track, you have to stay ahead of the train." -Will Rodgers
"It's not just winning that counts, but making sure that everyone else loses." -John 'Corrupt' Lee
"Its sad how a family can be torn apart by something as small as a pack of wild dogs." -Jack Handey
"Just the facts, M'am." -Sgt. Joe Friday, LAPD
"Know thy enemy." -Lao Sun Tzu
"Let us consume mass quantities." -Beldar Conehead
"Lisp has all the visual appeal of oatmeal with fingernail clippings mixed in." -Larry Wall
"Live long and prosper." -traditional Vulcan greeting
"Made in USA"
"Make it so." -Jean Luc Picard, Captain, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701D)
"Males have an unhealthy tendancy to obey laws." -Robert Heinlein, 'The Number of the Beast'
"Maps to the stars." -'New Realist' credo
"Marcus Registratum"
"May cause discoloring."
"May contain Nuts."
"May contain one or more of the following:..."
"May the force be with you." -Ben Obi'wan Kenobi
"May you live in interesting times." -ancient Chinese curse
"MDQ = 'Management Directed Quantity'"
"Mebs! Human authority figures!" -Primat Conehead
"Militant apathetics disunite!"
"My work is the literary equivalent of a Big Mac." -Stephen King
"Never again!"
"Never express yourself more clearly than you think." -Nells Bohr
"Never grep a yacc by the i-node!" -Mike RoChanelle
"Never mind!" -Miss Emily Littella
"New and improved, now with industrially processed animal by-products."
"No cash value"
"No deposit, no return."
"No postage needed if mailed within the United States."
"No purchase necessary."
"No shirt, no shoes, no service."
"No smoking"
"No warranty is made as to fitness for a particular purpose."
"No, it wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast." -Carl Denham, 'King Kong'
"Not a step"
"Not for off-road use."
"Not intended for Internal Use Only."
"Not suitable for children under age three."
"Not to be taken internally."
"Nothing is impossible, given enough time and resource."
"Now with even more correct information!"
"Now, more than ever!"
"Obey all safety precautions."
"Objects in mirror are closer than they appear."
"Observe anti-static precautions."
"Occupancy by more than capacity is a violation of applicable safety code."
"Oh, a keyboard! How quaint." -Montgomery Scott, Chief Engineer, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701B)
"One gets the feeling, at times like this, that extinct animals should be left extinct!" -Michael Crichton, 'Jurassic Park'
"One more thin mint?" -Monty Python, '...and the Meaning of Life'
"Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears." -Shanti Goldstein (Robert Pirsig's psychologist)
"Opinions expressed herein are exclusively my own, unless you share them."
"Order from your dealer."
"Our goal is to serve you, the Customer, regardless of how poor your personal hygiene."
"Pain is inevitable; misery is optional."
"Parental discretion is advised."
"Past performance is not a guarantee of future results."
"Patent Pending"
"Payment expected at time of service."
"People don't want 1/4 inch drills, they want 1/4 inch holes." -The CEO of Black & Decker
"Performance problems are usually created by people who program for performance instead of designing for elegance". -Jērgen Norberg
"Permission is granted to distribute this material as long as this notice is included."
"Play it again, Sam."
"Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery."
"Please enquire about alternative toys for children under age three."
"Please excuse our appearance while we are remodelling."
"Please include the number on the bottom of this package in any correspondence."
"Please insert disk for drive B: now..."
"Please please do not hang up and redial, as you will go the end of the queue."
"Please read the README file"
"Please wait..."
"Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty."
"Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue...." -said of MS Windows
"Professional driver on closed track, do not attempt these maneuvers."
"Purchased experiences don't count."
"Quality craftsmanship and low, low price!"
"Quarks: dreams that stuff are made of."
"Question authority and think for yourself." -Marshall McLuhan
"Read entire instructions before attempting assembly."
"Recycled material, containing at least 50% post-consumer waste."
"Reduce expenses! Resign when not needed."
"Reduce, reuse, recycle."
"Refund or exchange within 30 days only with reciept."
"Reg. Penna. Dept. Agr."
"Remember the Alamo!"
"Remove all jewelry and loose clothing before operating."
"Remove before flight"
"Repeat as necessary."
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." -Wernher von Braun
"Return postage guaranteed."
"Rinse, lather, repeat."
"Run away! Run away!" -Monty Python, '...and the Holy Grail'
"Save the whales. Collect the whole set!"
"Security is everybody's business."
"See attendant."
"See enclosed instructions."
"Sell what we have in stock, not what MAY come later."
"Should I stay or should I go now?" -The Clash
"Shwing!" -Wayne
"Significant amounts of material may be accreted in this manner."
"Silicon chips are the first product which last indefinitely in normal use yet are obsolete before they reach the customer." -Robert X. Cringely
"SMIT happens" -AIX user motto
"Smoking permitted in designated areas only."
"Snatch this pebble from my hand, Grasshopper."
"So, what is Warp?" -numerous Comdex attendees
"Software development, like professional sports, has a way of making thirty-year-old men feel decrepit." -Neal Stephanson, 'Snow Crash'
"Some language may be unsuitable for Normals."
"Someday, a real rain's gonna come and wash the scum off the streets." -Travis, the 'Taxi Driver'
"Special tool required."
"Standard disclaimers apply."
"Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."
"Substantial penalty for unofficial use."
"Super Mario didn't sell millions of copies because the mushrooms were texture-mapped." -Tom Garland, SGI Advanced Graphics Division
"Tampering with this seal voids warranty"
"Tax not included."
"Taxes, tags, options, and dealer prep additional."
"Temporary notice, do not remove."
"Test product first in a hidden area before general application."
"Thank you for your support."
"That looks like 'popular reality'." -Alyson Calman
"That's my damn head, student!" -Crazy Daisy Ed
"The check is in the mail."
"The clock may not run, but at least it's right twice a day." -Caspar Weinberger, of a malfunctioning instrument on the Space Shuttle
"The cooler things get, the neater they are." -Joshua Calman
"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has got to make sense." -Tom Clancy
"The dreams of yesterday are the hopes of today and the realities of tomorrow."
"The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance." -Robert R. Coveyou
"The meek may inherit the Earth, but they won't increase market share." -MCI Telecommunications, Inc's founder
"The most important piece of equipment in your shop: saftey glasses." -Norm Abrahams
"The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it." -John Gilmore
"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim." -Edgar W. Dijkstra
"The task of an educator should be to irrigate the desert, not clear the forest."
"The tools of love wear down." -Paul Simon, 'Proof'
"The wonderful thing about science is that one gets such wholesale returns of conjecture from such a trifling investment of fact." -Mark Twain
"There are two kinds of people in the world: people who do not use computers, and those who do not have enough disk space."
"There is a small nonzero chance things will be alright." -Moshe Flam
"Think globally, act locally."
"Think security; Please erase."
"Think, then Do" -updated IBM motto
"Thinking is a process to which all too few are accustomed."
"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco. This ain't no foolin' around." -David Byrne, 'Life During Wartime'
"This call may be monitored to ensure quality service."
"This certificate entitles the bearer."
"This entertainment is lacking in quality!" -Crazy Daisy Ed
"This file intentionally left open."
"This information is provided as-is and is non-returnable and non-refundable."
"This is a dramatic re-enactment."
"This is a heinous and egregious security exposure." -Tom Mahoney
"This is CBS?" -Larry 'Bud' Melman
"This is left as an exercise for the reader."
"This is not a offer, which may be made by prospectus only."
"This is only available on versions newer than the 06/03/86 version."
"This is provided for informational purposes only."
"This machine is temporarily unable to issue receipts."
"This offer good on in-stock merchendise only."
"This offer may not be combined with any other offers, coupons, or discounts."
"This product has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals."
"This product is cruelty-free."
"This product is sold by weight, not volume. Some settling of contents may occur during shipping."
"This publication intended for mature readers."
"This section is recyclable."
"This space intentionally left blank."
"This space intentionally left nearly blank."
"This suggests an ignorance of the value of computer readability, and an allergy to hard problems..." -Nicholas Negroponte
"Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it."
"To err is human; it takes a computer to really screw up."
"To hide your motives is despicable." -Times Square marquee art
"To the unfamiliar observer, any sufficiently advanced technology will appear as magic." -Frank Herbert
"Trained operators only"
"Try me now! Insert finger here ->"
"Under penalty of law, this tag may not be removed except by consumer."
"Unleaded fuel only"
"Use in a manner not in accordance with the directions may be punishable by law."
"Use in a well ventillated area."
"Veni, Vedi, Vici." -Julius Caesar
"Viewer discretion is advised."
"Visualize whirled peas."
"Visualize world peace."
"Vs lbh pna ernq guvf, lbh'er jbexvat gbb uneq."
"Warp factor 5, Mr. Sulu." -James T. Kirk, Captain, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)
"Wax on, wax off."
"We ain't got to show you no stinkin' badges!" -'Los Federales'
"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I will spend the rest of our lives." -Criswell Predicts, 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' by Ed Wood
"We are trained professionals, don't try this at home."
"We have lost the perception that persons of good will may hold opposing views." -Michael Crichton, "The Mediasaurus"
"We have the technology."
"We still have people in this company that are harder to deal with than our competitors!" -Lou Gerstner
"We're not worthy! We're not worthy!" -Wayne & Garth
"We're on a mission from God." -Elwood Blues
"We're plumbers." -Cliff Reeves
"Welcome to AIX!"
"Welcome to Castle Anthrax!" -Monty Python, '...and the Holy Grail'
"Wet tip before inserting."
"Whadda ya mean 'it can't be done'?"
"What is all this I hear about Russian jewelry?" -Miss Emily Littella
"What is all this I hear about violins on TV?" -Miss Emily Littella
"What is it, man!" -Ren Hoek
"What is the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?" -Monty Python, '...and the Holy Grail'
"What is your favorite colour?" -Monty Python, '...and the Holy Grail'
"What, the curtains?"
"When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
"When in doubt, fake it out!"
"When is the last time you overstepped your authority?" -MDQ litmus test for Empowerment
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
"When you're watching TV, (and) there are many people there,... what sort of interactivity do all those people want to share with each other *and* the TV?" -Bill Gates
"Where can you get a decent bagel in this town?"
"Where ever you go, there you are." -Buckaroo Banzi
"Where the hell are the singing cats?" -Paul Newman
"Whether or not life is ever found there, I think Jupiter should be declared an enemy planet." -Jack Handey
"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?"
"Whom the gods would destroy, they first make insane." -AEsop
"Would you like to touch my monkey?" -Dieter, host of 'Sprokets'
"Yeaaah! We've hit the neurotics' jackpot!"  -Woody Allen, 'Manhattan Murder Mystery'
"You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike."
"You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all different."
"You are the key."
"You are trapped on Earth, so you will explode." -Times Square marquee art
"You can't play Electro-magnetic Golf according to the rules of Centrifugal Bumblepuppy." -Mustapha Mond, in 'Brave New World' by Aldous Huxley
"You feel lucky today, punk?" -'Dirty' Harry Callahan
"You have got one of the great technical treasures in the world at IBM. You had better not blow it." -Joshua Lederberg to Lou Gerstner
"You have to be a real stud hombre cybermuffin to handle 'Windows'." -Dave Barry
"You may hear some clicking sounds as you are transferred, this is normal."
"You may, of course, continue to use any information you provide."
"You want my liver? I'm still using it!" -Monty Python, '...and the Meaning of Life'
"You wanted an Argument? Sorry, this is Abuse." -Monty Python
"You've got to fight for your right to party!" -the Beastie Boys
"Your call is important to us."
"Your explanation should prove rather interesting." -Mr. Spock, First Science officer, USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)
"Your mileage may vary."
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys." -Monty Python, '...and the Holy Grail'
"Your rights may vary by state."
"Your silence implies consent."
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