Clint Harper

The fact is, we sin. John wrote, "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8). And sometimes…many times those sins affect other people, specifically those who are closest to us. But we are told, "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye" (Colossians 3:12-13). Jesus said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" (Matthew 6:14). Our forgiveness depends on several things, but not the least is our willingness to forgive those who sin against us (Matthew 6:12-15, et. al).

Jesus says, "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him" (Luke 17:3-4). Many are the times when people have sinned and turned to those affected and asked for forgiveness, only to be turned away by a refusal. Sometimes, the person asking to be forgiven will hear the words, "I will forgive you, but I’ll never forget what you did." The answer may indicate one of two different attitudes. The person may be simply lying to the person about forgiveness and be playing word games. Or, the person may really have reservations about his/her ability to ever allow the sin to escape the memory.

Some things are harder to forget than others. Some things are easier to remember. We have a habit of forgetting all the good things that people do. That person who helped your neighbor when their house burnt, what was his name? That man who pulled you out of the ditch when you were stuck, where did he live? That woman who loaned you some money when your baby was hungry, how do you find her to pay her back? See the good things that people do seem to have a way of escaping our memories to the point that we cannot recall them very well. However, let someone do something that upsets us. That, we will remember forever.

We need training to forget. We were trained and we train our children to have a good memory for things of importance. We can teach them tricks to remember like "word association," "picture association" and "acronyms." But the most successful tool to remembering things is simple "repetition." Someone once said that the three "R^s" of learning are "Repetition," "Repetition," "Repetition." This is the main tool used in school for learning of the basics, and this is the main tool we still use when trying to remember anything, as we grow older.

We know how to remember things. We have been trained all our lives. What we need is training in how to forget those things we’d like to forget, like those sins we desperately try to forgive. The first thing we need to learn is don’t be offended by everything and anything someone says or does. We (as humans) have a terrible habit of imagining the very worst motives for anything anyone does. Instead, we might try assigning pure motives to the person’s actions or words. Paul said that Love, "does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Corinthians 13:6-7, NKJV). He continues, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Philippians 4:8). So, let’s try not to judge people’s motives by our worst fears, but do the opposite and assign good intentions.

Something else we can do from the beginning is to try to not associate the sin with anything else, as if we are trying to remember it. And also, try not to dwell on it.

So, how can I forget? Probably the best way to explain this is by metaphor. During the month of December most of us receive things from other people. How useful are those things we receive? Where will we put them? We may receive something that we put next to the easy chair so we can handle it, play with it or use it whenever we have a relaxing moment. We may receive something else that we will put on the dinner table so we can talk about it over a meal, or show it off to our guests. We may receive something that we can put in the old toolbox in the garage. We can then take it out when needed and use it in special situations. We can shine it and keep it from loosing its charm and usefulness. Or, we might receive something that we really didn’t want in the first place. That, we will put in an old shoebox with the other stuff we never use and put it under the bed, in the attic, in the basement or in the garage. When you open the shoebox to put it in, you find something else you never wanted and you say to yourself, "I’d forgotten about that old thing." If that old shoebox had been thrown out with the trash accidentally (or not so accidentally), you would have never remembered it. It will take time, but if you will put it in the shoebox, not take it out to shine it, not tell your guests about it, not play with it, this too can be forgotten. You may not be able to throw the shoebox away, but someone else will have to remind you before you will remember.