A few years ago the statistics showed that one half of all marriages ended in divorce. If fifty percent of all cars, trucks and appliances quit working after a few years (or less), the public outcry would be so great that something would have to be done about it. Yet many seem to have no answer for the staggering divorce rate.

The problem is we approach marriage in the wrong way. In essence, we are marrying "foreigners." When we say we are marrying "foreigners" we are speaking of that person who repeated the reciprocal vows during the wedding ceremony, the person who is now your husband or wife. The old adage is, "Until you are married, you don’t know the person nearly as much as you thought you did." For those of us who have been married a few years, this statement makes us nod our heads in agreement. Dr. Norman H. Wright put it this way, "The partner is unique and has his or her own set of feelings, beliefs, fantasies, thinking processes, strengths and weaknesses."

Marriage is one of the greatest institutions upon this planet. It was created, designed and ordained by God himself. It is meant to be a help to the individual and a necessary strength of a family. In the very beginning God ordered, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5-6). There is to be agape love and submission in that marriage (Ephesians 5:24-25). There is to be the coming together for the fulfillment of fleshly desires that God created within mankind (Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5). And there is to be the spiritual application and education within God’s precepts (Ephesians 6:1-4).

The problem seems to be, however, that we have failed to learn that we don’t need to wait until the vows are said before we begin to understand these things. In a family with both father and mother still together, children should be shown the proper example of what a home is to be. But, more than often, children don’t pay attention. Parents find themselves trying to "make them understand" what they know about marriage, all the while the "child" is being blinded and deafened by his/her infatuation for their future mate.

Then, what can we do? There is possibly no plan known to man that will completely do away with the transition that must be gone through when a marriage takes place. However, we can lesson that state of shock in the transition with pre-marital counseling. Perhaps even before the two have officially gotten engaged, the couple should enter counseling which is designed to do many things, including helping them draw closer to God. If they do this before the engagement, they will be less pressured by time constraints. However, if they wait until the date has been set, they should arrange for counseling at least four to six months in advance of the wedding date.

Many programs are now in place within denominations, professional counseling circles and among the churches of Christ. In a survey done by Christian Marriage Enrichment (1978-79) of over 8,000 couples, only 45% said they received pre-marriage counseling. Among those who did receive counseling, only 11.2 % said that it definitely did not help their marriages. Almost 75% of these responded positively about their pre-marital counseling. Only 15% of those who participated in one session stated that it definitely helped their marriages. 75% of those attending seven or more sessions said that it definitely helped their marriages.

The question that everyone is asking is "What’s the purpose of pre-marital counseling?" A few of the things that should be covered are:

• Planning the ceremony
• Correction of any faulty information either one has about marriage and the many aspect of it.
• Providing information
• Creating a better understanding of self and of the future mate
• Explore the Biblical concept of "leaving and cleaving" (Genesis 2:24)
• Help the couple discover and improve their communication styles
• Endeavor to eliminate as many surprises as possible
• Assist couple in setting up a financial plan
• Set up a plan for continuing enhancement and enrichment of the future marriage
• Spiritual Growth
• And many more things

If you are someone or if you know someone who is or may be planning to "tie the knot," one of the greatest presents you could give to them would be the advice to seek out pre-marital counseling by a qualified individual. It could be the difference that makes their marriage the one that everyone looks upon with admiration.

If you would like more information about any type of counseling you may simply ask me in person or call me. I can be reached most easily at 233-7005.