November 21, 2007 (revised June 30, 2008)
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�Well, darling, I�m just upset that you overcooked the lobster thermidor last night,� I answered.
He didn�t say anything for a few moments. Then he asked �Did Jessica call? Huh? Did Jessica Sexica call? Did she, huh, huh?�
I didn�t say. Maybe I shouldn�t have told him I was expecting a call from Jessica Blevin, or that I�d fallen in lust with her. She was the new cashier at the university art store. She looked like a geek�thick glasses, garish dresses�but had the most perfect hourglass figure I�d ever seen outside of those lounge-culture zines I used to read in junior high. I�d been attracted to her the moment I�d gone to the art store to buy an eraser for my drawing class and seen her standing behind the cash register. She was looking down at her hands while scratching something off her left thumbnail with her right thumbnail. Even the gentle way she scratched her thumbnail turned me on. I ended up buying two erasers.
After that, I would go to the art store a couple times a day even when I didn�t need to buy anything. I just wanted to drool over her. Sometimes I�d even get up the nerve to talk with her for a few moments between customers. I told her I was a media arts major, as in film and video, and that I had to take drawing as a required course. She told me she was a painting major, specializing in what she called �girly-noir nightmares.� I couldn�t tell if she�d noticed my carnal interest in her, or if she had any carnal interest in me.
I drooled over her for about a week, until I decided to stop acting like a horny teenager and start acting like a horny adult. But I assumed that most women liked a little romance before getting laid, so I went to the art store and asked her if she�d like to go out with me some time, maybe that night, maybe go to a coffeehouse or somewhere, just to talk. She smiled at me and said �Well�maybe tonight.� She said she had a busy schedule, so could she call me at, say, 7:30 that night to let me know?
It was now 7:52 PM. I had literally been sitting by the phone for over half an hour, waiting for her call. I was sitting on the couch in the off-campus apartment I shared with Kurt, a computer systems analysis major.
�If you wanna screw her so much, why don�t you call her?� he asked.
�I plan to, if she doesn�t call in five or ten more minutes.�
�Sure you will. You�re a real pussy when it comes to pussy. And why do you wanna screw her anyway? I�ve seen what she looks like. She�s uglier than a modern art masterpiece!�
In case you didn�t know, his �major malfunction� and �modern art� lines were from the film Full Metal Jacket. Kurt tended to quote heavily from the last film he�d seen on videocassette. I don�t know how he even came to watch a Stanley Kubrick film, since he, Kurt, tended to watch junk starring female centerfold models, wrestlers, Z-list cast members from Saturday Night Live, or a million-and-one explosions.
I didn�t respond to his comment about Jessica�s looks.
He went into his bedroom and emerged a minute later, having changed from his usual Hawaiian shirt into his good Hawaiian shirt.
�Well, I don�t know about you, but I�m leaving,� he said. �I�m going to a couple parties tonight. The kind with actual, drunk, hot-looking women.�
�Have fun. Practice safe sex.�
He walked out of the apartment.
I didn�t see him again until I ran into him twelve years later, at my ten-year college reunion, in the main reception room of the local Goldbridge Suites. He was standing next to a black woman near the refreshment table. He looked the same as he had during college, except his face looked fuller, and he wore a retro-1990s ponytail.
�Hey,� I said.
�Well look who�s here,� he said. He shook my hand vigorously. �Nice to see you, pal.�
�Nice to see you, pal.�
�I�d like you to meet my wife Kris.� He gestured toward the black woman. �Kris, Blaine Tafford. I shared an apartment with him our sophomore year of college.�
�So nice to meet you,� she said as she shook my hand vigorously.
�Likewise,� I said.
�Kris and I got married nine years ago,� Kurt said.
�Congratulations.�
�Thanks. That�s how I got in here, in case you�re wondering. She�s a graduate, and I�m her guest.�
�I have a bachelor�s in business administration,� she said.
�That�s good,� I said.
�It certainly is,� Kurt said. �But what�s better is, we have two kids: twins, Emily and Emma, both eight years old.�
�Wow!�
��Wow!� is an understatement,� Kris said.
�Yeah, they�re amazing,� Kurt said.
�Yeah,� I said.
�So, Blaine...what have you been up to lately?�
�Well, uh, I got a BFA in media arts. Then I started my own production company on the South Side�Frequent Zoom Productions? We do TV commercials and Web content for local businesses. You seen that commercial with Granny Rambo in the army surplus store?�
�Yes.�
�We did that. I directed it.�
�You directed it? That�s a pretty funny ad.�
�Thanks.�
�As for me, I graduated from Dalton Technical Institute nine years ago with a degree in computer systems analysis. Yup, I finally got my degree in computer systems analysis. Anyway, since then, I�ve been working for New Circuit Systems in Monroeville, first as a development associate, now as a development supervisor.�
�Wow.�
�That�s where I met Kris, at work. She�s the client support supervisor, and the best client support supervisor they�ve ever had, if I may say so.�
�And you may,� she said.
�Thanks. But what about you, Blaine? Are you married?�
�Nope,� I replied. �Never been married. I�d like to get married, if I found the right woman.�
�I hope you do find the right woman. I�m glad I found Kris. She�s a real angel.�
�Yeah. Speaking of Kris�I hope you don�t mind, Kris, but I�d like to borrow your husband for a few minutes. There�s something I�d like to discuss with him in private.�
He looked at her.
�That�s okay, I�ll go,� she said. �See you later.�
�See you,� he said.
She walked away.
�I heard about you and the cops,� I said. �I heard about it when it happened. I didn�t know if she knew about the incident, so��
�She knows.�
�Yeah, well, I�m sorry for you had to go through. With the cops.�
�Thanks, but that�s all in the past.�
�Really? Because�well�because I�d like to make a documentary about you and the incident. I�ll be honest, I hadn�t thought about the incident for years until seeing you here tonight. But now I realize that people need to remember what happened to you, especially now in this age of increased law-and-order. We could raise questions about how society deals with, or doesn�t deal with, police misconduct, police violence.�
�I don�t know�.�
�And we could play up the inspirational angle, telling how you overcame what happened to you, telling about the good life you have now.�
�I don�t know. I�ve always wanted to be in a movie, but��
�Will you just think about it? Please?�
�All right.�
�Good.� I gave him my business card. �Just think about it, talk it over with Kris if you like, and whatever you decide, call me at work.�
He studied the card for a few seconds.
�Actually, I don�t need to call you,� he said. �I�ve already decided.�
TO BE CONTINUED
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