A Babies at the Fair Special - Midget vs. the Big Green Monster
So...do you think you know everything about the Babies at the Fair?
Every coaster they've bested?
Every game they've played?
Whenever they run for more fun?
Of course not. I'm a PARENT not a grandpa.
But the summer's biggest story is the one I have yet to tell you.
LP has waited five very, very long years--pretty much half her life--for Da Midget to get tall enough to ride Big Stuff. Her patience wore the thinnest when she was still under 54" tall. Screw the Busy Bees, she'd think. I wanna ride a coaster.
"Smile for the camera!" I'd say back. "C'mon! It's your last season on these things. Besides, I gave up the coasters each week for you since you were 3. Aren't you two so Cyooooooooooooooote!" And CLICK--another shot of an LP face that said Eat My Shorts, Dad. I'd wanna wash her mouth out with soap and she wouldn't have said a word.
As luck would have it, Midget turned out to be wired completely backwards. Put her on a coaster with loops and she'll shriek, "That was awesome!" As for one without them? Forget it. "I'll get butterflies! I'll fly outta my seat!"
Over time, we've whittled the 'problem' rides down to one coaster: The 207-foot tall Wild Thing. Not bad for a local coaster--there may be a dozen in North America taller--but there was no convincing the Midget to ride. I'd show her the seatbelts, the lapbars and assure her she's safe. I'd tell her Big Sister sneaked on at age 5. We'd remind her that Steel Venom is maybe 15 feet shorter and Power Tower is actually fifty feet taller...no dice. LP honestly wanted to choke her.
In fact, LP would get so ticked off I started firing back at her. Don't tell Da Midget she isn't your sister anymore! Remember how the log flume tunnel would make you cry? Remember how we went to Kings Island and you choked over and over? What about that stand-up coaster you wouldn't ride that got demolished the next summer?
But this visit, I finally figured out the answer. Let's have these sisters share a little fear. LP, if you ride the tall, vertical speed slides you're deathly afraid of, Midget will ride the big coaster. Agreed?
Long silence. Tumbleweeds roll by. Crickets get bored of chirping. "I don't know."
Uh huh.
A few double-dog dares and pinkie fingers later, LP stood at the edge of the fiberglass cliff. Unfortunately, I had just been through a similar ordeal last week with Stunt LP (You'll meet my Stunt Familia later in a prequel) and knew just what buttons to push. Imagine staring down like this....
...and hearing this voice from wayyyyyyy down there:
"Elllllllll Peeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Don't be a chickennnnn! Yooooouuu cannn DOOOOO it!" By now, a crowd is starting to gather and the lifeguards are starting to giggle. She sat down, talked to the lifeguard, talked some more, looked down...
"Peeeople are waaaaaatchinnnnnng! Come on dowwwwwwwn! I'm goingggggg to keeeeeeep taaaaalking!"
And then she dropped.
It was a fairly routine slide and splashdown, but she dramatically laid there like a freshly-crashed test dummy. "Ooooh, you got JACKED!" squealed Da Midget.
"That's it. We're going on the Wild Thing right now!" grumbled LP.
So that brings us back where we started.
Great big coaster, little bitty Midget.
"Get in her way, Daddy!" squawked Big Sis. "Take the outside seat and block her so she can't run!"
"A promise is a promise, Midget. You saw what your sister did."
"And don't even THINK of that fake crying, Drama Queen."
In the station, the Midget stepped right in the car, sat down immediately, buckled her belt, pulled down her lap bar, grabbed my arm and began sobbing hysterically.
"Is she okay?" asked the ride operator cautiously. They're trained not to let freak-outs board the ride.
All the noises suddenly stopped, Midget picked up her head and in the most matter-of-fact voice imaginable said, "Oh, yeah--I'm okay." Head goes back down. "Boooooo hoo hoo hoo..."
Drama Queen.
Long story short, they laughed a little, cried a little, took turns being scared and Da Midget got off the ride all cheeks and teeth...
...except the one she gave the Tooth Fairy for five bucks.
