For
thousands of years, men have tried to understand the
rules
when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you
to understand just how it works.
Remember,
in the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make
the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get
points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You
don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's
the
way the game is played.
Here
is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE
DUTIES
You
make the bed ......................................+1
You
make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
You
throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You
leave the toilet seat up.....................-5
You
replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When
the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When
the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You
go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in
the snow...................................................+8
but
return with beer..........................................-5
and
no liners................................................-25
You
check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You
check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You
check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You
pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's
her cat.................................................-40
AT
THE PARTY
You
stay by her side the entire party............ 0
You
stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking
buddy.............................................. -2
Named
Tiffany....................................-4
Tiffany
is a dancer..............................-10
With
breast implants.............................-80
HER
BIRTHDAY
You
remember her birthday................................0
You
buy a card and flowers...............................0
You
take her out to dinner.............................. 0
You
take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay,
it is a sports bar................................-2
And
it's all-you! -can-eat night..........................-3
It's
a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your
Face
is painted the colors of your favorite team........-10
A
NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go
with a pal.......................................0
The
pal is happily married..........................+1
The
pal is single...................................-7
He
drives a Ferrari.................................-10
With
a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15
A
NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You
take her to a movie...............+2
You
take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You
take her to a movie you hate......+6
You
take her to a movie you like......-2
It's
called Death Cop 3...............-3
Which
features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9
You
lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....
-15
YOUR
PHYSIQUE
You
develop a noticeable pot belly......................-15
You
develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise
to
get rid of it..................................+10
You
develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans
and
baggy Hawaiian shirts...........................-30
You
say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".......-800
THE
BIG QUESTION
She
asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You
hesitate in responding......................-10
You
reply, "Where?".............................-35
You
reply, "no, I think it's your ass".........-100
Any
other response..............................-50
COMMUNICATION
When
she wants to talk about a problem:
You
listen, displaying a concerned expression....................0
You
listen, for over 30 minutes..................................+5
You
relate to her problem and share a similar experience........+50
You're
mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well,
what
do you think I should do"..........-50
You
listen for more than 30 minutes without
looking
at theTV.........................................+100
She
realizes this is because you have fallen asleep............-200