MAHIRAP
LAHAT
Sa UP,
mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo,
mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle,
mahirap ang parking.
Sa
Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST,
mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho,
mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda,
mahirap maging lalaki.
WHERE TO GO
TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go
to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to
Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La
Salle.
If you have no money, go to UP.
CHRISTMAS
SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought
it
would be a good idea if he solicited the support of
a number of
schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene
in time for the
Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the
Monsignor discovered
That the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he
made a few
Inquiries on why this was so.
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and
not
three wise men.
La Salle reported it could not come up with even a
single
wise man.
Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with
even a
Single virgin.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with
three
wise gays.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.
QUESTION AND
ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls
a
grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the
firing
pin and hurl it back at the La Sallite.
Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, and another.
PASIKATAN NG
GRADWEYTS
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated
from
UP. Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and
Marcos, to
name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo
graduates
Became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen.
Gregorio del Pilar,
Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become
Presidents and lead countries while Atenean end up
getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt
namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates
ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si
Gary
Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour
del
Rosario . . .
HOW TO
IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and
says:
"Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at
him and asks: "Sir, are you a La Sallite, by
any chance?" The La
Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong
'yan? If I ordered
BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo?
I don't
think so. If
I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were
from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to
buy a GREEN parrot,
do you ask me if I'm from La Salle?" "Sir,
kasi naman..." replied
the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop,
eh."
A TYPICAL
CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a
typical
La Sallite conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens
I have
in this bag, I will give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!
BARKADA SA
HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student,
and
An Atenean went on a hunting trip. The first night,
the guy
from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The
others ask
him how he did it, and he coolly replies: "I
saw the tracks, I
followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also
with a
Big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the
tracks, and bang!
I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself.
However, the next night, as he drags himself back to
the cabin, his two
Companions find him bruised and bloody all over.
"What happned?" they
ask. "Well," replies the La Sallite,
"I saw the tracks, I
followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."
A MURDER
MYSTERY
(To be
solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
The Humble Atenean, The Bright La Sallite, The
Innocent
Maryknoller, The Unaffected Assumptionista, The UP
Graduate
Culprit:
The UP Graduate
Logic:
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La
Sallite
or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected
Assumptionista.
HOW DO YOU
KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the
Philippine
Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman
of the Board got
curious to know what particular schools attended the
big
celebration.
Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all
happening. Guess whom he found and where he found
them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to
have a
fraternity ritual UP Los Banos - they were in the
garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a
microphone
chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while
others were
In the bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans .
.
.like always Assumption - they were inside the
bathroom three hours
already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the
bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were
busy
with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air
conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by
security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters
SUICIDAL
SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite,
and a
UP student (so you know this story is fictional).
Anyway,
everyday, they met for lunch and ate their sandwiches.
UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman?
Sawang-sawa na
ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na
naman ang
baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako.
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I am sick
of this
already. If I get another roast beef sandwich again
tomorrow, I am gonna shoot myself.
La Salle: Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon
again. I am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my
baon tomorrow is
ham sandwich again, I am gonna drive my CRV over the
cliff.
The next morning, they again met for lunch, and,
alas,
they had the same sandwiches again. The UP student
went back to his
dorm, pulled out a belt, and choked himself to
death. The
Atenean went
home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head. The
La
Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.
During their funeral, their mothers were
interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na
nang
peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung
pinabaon ko
sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want roast
beef
anymore, I would not have given him roast beef.
La Salle: Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay,
eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.