Theme: Effective Communication Within the Family

Introduction: Amos 3:3; Proverbs 12:18,;12:2; James 1:19, 3:5-8

As discussed last week, effective communication is one of the key pillars to developing oneness, sound relationship, success and happiness within the family. No two people can effectively walk together, work together, or live together without a good communication system. Each family needs to (as a matter of necessity) consciously develop a working communication system.

Exercise

I) Do you know and understand your spouse very well?

2) How well do you communicate (formally/informally) with your spouse?

3) Evaluate the communication quotient of your marriage. On a scale of 1 to 10 where would you rate

Communication with your spouse.

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

V. Poor Average Excellent

Circle the word that indicates the direction your marital communication is going?

Decreasing, Staying the same Improving

Hindrances to good communication

1) What are the main hindrances to effective communication in the home’?

2) List communication destroyers and good communication enablers?

3) Enumerate some best practices for effective communication.

Good communication is a two way street involving free, open conversation and careful, attentive listening. List those factors hinder effective communication; can you identify the ones your spouse is guilty of? What about you!

Pre-requisit;s for good communication in the home.

Discuss the role and importance of (i) trust, (ii) open-ness/honesty, (iii) self control, (iv) respect, Charitable and forgiving spirit in effective communication. 1 cor 13: 5-7, Prov 10:12

Conflict Resolutional/Management: Mat 18:15-18, Lukel7:3, Mat 5:22— 24.

1) Suppose your spouse develops a physiological irritant or other condition (body odour, mouth odour, adding weight etc.) that gives you concern. How do you tell him /her?

2) List and rank the main causes of family irritants/conflicts?

3) When is the best time to iron out our irritations?

4) When there is a potential disagreement/conflict, who should wave the olive branch?

5) What are the Biblical principles that can be applied to resolve conflicts?

Family Exercise

I) In what ways has the workshop been of any value? What are the key learning points?

2) Jointly discuss the barriers to effective communication in your family.

3) Jointly come up with a strategy/action plan to eradicate the ‘family destroyers”.

4) Also jointly decide what steps you will take in the next few days to improve your expression of love to one another.

Conclusion

In the home, effective communication is not optional but vital. It is the life stream, the nerve, the heart beat. Where it is lacking. the marriage relationship deteriorates and dies. Where it is healthy, the marriage relationship flourishes and every one is happy. Will you act on the things learnt today?.

Recipes For Effective Coomunication

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. That keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that he/she has your full attention.

2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time. Remember, quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. If you are watching, reading, or doing something else in which you are keenly interested and cannot turn from immediately, tell your spouse the truth. A positive approach might be, “I know you are trying to talk to me and I’m interested, but I want to give you my full attention. I can’t do that right now, but if you will give me ten minutes to finish, I’ll sit down and listen to you.” most spouses will respect such request.

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotions is my spouse experiencing?” when you think you have the answer, confirm it. for example, “It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot That gives him the chance to clarify his feelings. It also communicates that you are listening intently to what he is saying.

4. Observe body language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed brows, and eye movement may give you clues as to what the other is feeling. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Ask for clarification to make sure you know what she is really thinking and feeling.

5. Refuse to interrupt. Recent research has indicated that the average individual listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting his own ideas. If I give you my undivided attention while you are talking. 1 will refrain from defending myself or hurling accusations at you or dogmatically stating my position. My goal is to discover your thoughts and feelings. My objective is not to defend myself or to set you straight. It is to understand you.

Math 18: 15-17, Eph 4: 26, 1Pet 4:8

A. Inability to receive the message (the sender mumbles, the receiver has trouble hearing etc)

B. Failure to understand the message

C. Different perceptions concerning the meaning of the message

Recipes For Conflict Resolution In Marriage

1) We will always attack the problem and not the person.

2) We will seek to give the benefit of doubt to the other people.

3) We will put people before things.

4) We will try to establish a degree of rationality ahead of time.

5) We will try to see the situation from the other’s point of view.

6) We will avoid being overly defensive but open-minded to the possibility that we are wrong.

7) We will avoid the “you” statements but rather use “I” statements.

8) We will avoid the accusing statements like “you always....” and “you never..”.

9) We will not dredge up the past sins of the other.

10) We will never discuss the issues in public and we’ll avoid stomping out of the room.

11) We will try to talk each matter to its conclusion.

12) We will endeavour to seek forgiveness and to forgive.

13) We will recommit ourselves to making our marriage work.

14) We will only seek third party intervention (counseling) if we think things are getting out of control