POEMS AND LYRICS:
Bird Rib, Half Ukrainian, Place to Piss, Rockrescenta, Vampire Family
(BY THAD)
BIRD RIB
I go in a fancy restaurant
There's only one dish that I want
Waiter asks if I want a bib
"Fuck you, asshole, bring me bird rib"
Bird rib, bird rib, bird rib, bird rib
I just want a tasty bird rib
Bird rib, bird rib, bird rib, bird rib
Better be a meaty bird rib
"Sorry, sir, we're out of bird rib
May I interest you in cow rib?
Also, we still have some deer rib
And a nice piece of human rib"
I want bird rib, I want bird rib
I don't want any other rib
I want bird rib, I want bird rib
Can't believe you're out of bird rib!
So I left that stupid restaurant
Searching elsewhere for what I want
I go in a different food place
Ready to feed my ugly face
Bring me bird rib, bring me bird rib
I have such a taste for bird rib
Bring me bird rib, bring me bird rib
Move your ass and get me bird rib!
The waiter finally brings a bird rib back to me
So I decided to ask "just how much will that be?"
He replies "one hundred bucks for this delicacy"
"FUCK! I just remembered I don't have any money!"
GAH! I need bird rib, can I just have one free bird rib?
GAH! I need bird rib, why such an expensive bird rib?
So I become a bum, and start begging on the street
Just hoping that I can make enough money to eat
I end up begging for three days without any luck
All I got for all my effort was one lousy buck
GAH! Buy me bird rib, I'll die if I don't get bird rib
GAH! Buy me bird rib, save a life and get me bird rib
I sense the reaper is coming nearer and nearer
And I think it's pretty likely that I will die here
Without any doubt the most delicious palindrome
Wait! I think that I actually still have some at home
Bird rib, bird rib, bird rib, bird rib
I think there's some left in my fridge
Bird rib, bird rib, bird rib, bird rib
Finally some fucking bird rib!
HALF UKRAINIAN
I am half Ukrainian and you are half Ukrainian
And if we had little children, they too, would be half Ukrainian
If our kids practiced incest, or if our daughter I’d molest
Our children, half Ukrainian, would still be half Ukrainian
And if by chance our children, should have their own freakish children
They’d still be half Ukrainian, our deformed grandkids would be half Ukrainian
It’s a half Ukrainian world, and we’re all half Ukrainian
On this half Ukrainian world, everyone’s half Ukrainian
In this world, in this world, in this world
In this half Ukrainian world
PLACE TO PISS
I’m standing in a line, that seems to never end
Perhaps a urinal will be my only friend
Feels I’ve been waiting a year
After an hour’s wait, I’m at the bathroom door
But when I get inside, there’s shit smeared on the floor
I can’t relieve myself here
I can’t find a place to piss
I can’t find a place to piss
And I think I’m about to piss in my pants
Nowhere that’s decent for me
To take a pee
I can’t find a place to piss
I don’t desire any bathroom attendants
Don’t need any help to pee
It’s impossible for me to take a whiz
When somebody’s watching me
Don’t know what I drank to
Make me have this kind of pain
Most stores around these parts
Just refuse, unless I pay
But I don’t have any cash
I feel like it’s gonna splash
I can’t find a place to piss
I can’t find a place to piss
So I guess that I’ll have to piss in my pants
Nowhere that’s decent for me
To take a pee
I can’t find a place to piss
ROCKRESCENTA
We’re rocking your face
In Rockrescenta
All over the place
In Rockrescenta
And rocking your back
In Rockrescenta
Elbow and Knee-cap
In Rockrescenta
And it’s magenta
In Rockrescenta
And yellow and blue
With red and green, too
Orange and brown
Pink and white
Grey and tan
Purple black
Rockrescenta!
Rock all the people
In Rockrescenta
Make all the sheep ill
In Rockrescenta
Animals get sick
In Rockrescenta
There are stones and sticks
In Rockrescenta
And it’s magenta
In Rockrescenta
Silver and gold, too
And light and dark blue
Forrest green
Yellow-green
Yellow-brown
Shiny black
Rockrescenta!
Rock all the objects
In Rockrescenta
And all the insects
In Rockrescenta
Bugs go on flowers
In Rockrescenta
I sleep 9 hours
In Rockrescenta
And it’s magenta
In Rockrescenta
As well as grey-white
And light and dark white
Brownish red
Neon orange
Bluish green
Brick red black
Rockrescenta!
VAMPIRE FAMILY
On every trip, when it's not bright
My family goes out at night
We visit the familiar graves
Of ones we took, our lives to save
We kill them without being seen
But don't assume that we are mean
It's something we have always done
Sleep in coffins, avoid the sun
Turn to bats whenever we please
Unlike the other families
To us, fresh water tastes like crud
Cannot compare to sweet, warm blood
The neck is sometimes good to munch
But only if you're having brunch
Believe me when I tell you this
The best in taste comes from the wrist
Most people think that it's a sin
Just because they can't comprehend
That, even though, it may offend
For us, it's an old tradition
We chew on thick and juicy veins
To take away our hunger pangs
But don't be fooled by what we bite
We have a different appetite
Every night, we eat a meal
Of jackolope steak and fried seal
But we don't even touch garlic
Just the smell can make us real sick
My uncle has a burn that's red
Shaped like a cross, on his forehead
The sound of screaming fills the room
In our kill factory of doom
On parent career night at school
They all thought my dad's job was cool
His office in the blood bank's neat
He'll bring work home, for us to eat
We own the Necronomicon
And my mom's favorite film is Tron
One time, last year, in early May
We took a night stroll in L.A
A bunch of black kids dressed in red
Shot both my parents in the head
And then they pumped me full of lead
But jokes on them, ha, we're undead
I did a stupid little dance
Scared one so bad, he pissed his pants
They ran away and dropped their guns
Being a vampire is fun!