NEB: The Musical
(BY THAD)
NARRATOR:
In the year 4,011 A.D.
All that you are likely to see
Are robots from space
Destroying this place
The fuel these evil robots need
Is nothing more than coffee cream
But we are running out, it seems,
Of fuel for all their ghastly schemes
These robots have another plan
Involving this very unfortunate man
Neb is he
For you see
This man bleeds
Coffee cream
NEB:
My name is Neb
I enjoy tea
But I don’t
Drink coffee
I wonder why!
There are robots
After me
They want my
Coffee cream
I’ve got to hide!
ROBOTS:
Coffee cream
Coffee cream
Who’s got the coffee cream?
NEB:
Holy shit!
That was close as fuck!
I need a different hiding place
One that doesn’t suck!
How convenient
That old abandoned warehouse there
Must be heaven sent
If there are rats, I do not care
GIRL:
How convenient
That old abandoned warehouse near
Wait a second
There’s somebody already here
NEB:
Who the hell are you?
GIRL:
Hey, you’re that guy with the coffee cream blood
I didn’t realize you were such a stud
I have come to hide away like you
You see, I’m rather different too
I have a metal skull, I guess it’s kind of cool
But you know this world can be so fucking cruel
We’re both different
Obviously meant
To be together
Possibly forever
NEB:
Come now, let us have the sex
Then we’ll see what happens next
ROBOTS: (marching by warehouse, unaware)
Coffee cream
Coffee cream
Who’s got the coffee cream?
NARRATOR:
Years passed
And they were not harassed
Not by mean spirited mother fuckers
Nor by the robot Neb-blood suckers
But she
Wanted three
In this family
GIRL:
Why can’t we
Seem to have a baby?
NEB:
I’m sorry
But it can never be
GIRL:
Why?
NEB:
Well honey
I think I can explain
Coffee cream
Fills more than just my veins
(Neb’s girl leaves him)
NEB:
Feels like she’s been gone
For so very long
While I’m left right here
Alone with my tears
I don’t fucking feel like living anymore!
What the hell could this world ever have in store?
For me
This freak
Who bleeds
Coffee cream
I don’t really want to give
These robots a chance to live
They want to catch me alive
So if I do not survive
It will screw up their plans
To clone me into many mans
And use us to drain our coffee cream
To keep them fueled for eternity
So maybe then it’s for the best
To put myself to an eternal rest
And cause these robots to run out of steam
By depriving them of their coffee... wait! Maybe that’s the thing!
What is the most obvious place
For the robots to fuel their face?
Coffee shop!
No one would suspect me in there
All I need is to find out where
Coffee shops!
Why they’re all over this town
But most of them have shut down
Ah, here is one that looks open
Now I will go and make new friends
OWNER:
May I interest you in a cup?
NEB:
No thanks, I’m very allergic
Ingesting coffee gets me sick
OWNER:
Why did you come in here then?
NEB:
I could really use a friend
OWNER:
We haven’t seen a new face
Since those robots raided this place
They completely drained our supply
Our coffee cream has been sucked dry
NEB:
Will those robots ever return?
OWNER:
No, they have nothing else to earn
And we’d have none to offer them
Since that one time they busted in
NEB:
Well since the robots aren’t coming back
This is the perfect place to unpack
This is where I need to hide
For I have what they want inside
OWNER:
Whatever do you mean?
NEB:
My blood is coffee cream
OWNER:
In that case, yes friend, you must stay
Those robots never come this way
Your running in fear is at an end
Now I’ll introduce you to more friends
Hey everybody, this is Neb
Hey, Neb, tell them all what you said
NEB:
My blood’s made out of coffee cream
CUSTOMER:
Coffee cream, huh? That’s interesting
CUSTOMER 2:
Heh, or more like appetizing
CUSTOMER 3:
Neb! Care to bleed into my drink?
NEB:
I should go
OWNER:
No no no!
We’ve missed the coffee cream for so long
It’s a miracle you came along
(All the blood thirsty coffee shop freaks surround Neb)
THE END