THE STORY SO FAR...
When lightning struck that day, the world as we once knew it changed drastically. Two friends were sitting in a house watching Godzilla. One of them was wearing a Danzig tee shirt. A retarded child was skipping by, right out front, looking very gay. That exact moment, a bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and transformed the three humans into DANZILLA. Half a quarter Danzig, 11.42% Godzilla, and two thousand six hundred and eight ten thousanths Retard. DANZILLA is Zach Dräkenberg, with the head of a horned, crosseyed skull, and the body of Godzilla, his vocal stylings will cause babies to prematurely pop out of pregnant women’s asses. These poo babies will rise up and loyally follow DANZILLA into war. DANZILLA is also Vladimir Cube. Vlad³ represents the three elements to DANZILLA. Much like the 3 dimensions, the 3 forms of water (water, steam, and ice), and of course, the Trinity of God, DANZILLA’s Tri-part is equally as miraculous and mind-blowing, and is likely to cause many human mortals (aka: festering maggots of shit) to drive themselves to insanity while trying to understand the unrelenting supremacy of DANZILLA. The third and final member of DANZILLA is Seavarg Satori the Second...quite possibly the most musically talented of the three. You may be saying to yourself, but the three beings only add up to 50 percent…what about the other half??? DANZILLA leaves the other 50% to the viewer, knowing that no viewer of this band will survive. The audio will cause madness among most, but the visuals with the audio will surely kill all who witness them. The awesome band of DANZILLA solved this problem by making music videos on mute. You may look directly at the band and live to tell the tale, but the audio may not be played with the images. The silent DANZILLA visuals are followed 30 seconds later by the audio track on black video. This is to avoid fatality. Once, Vladimir Cube went to get his long, flowing, majestic hair trimmed and insisted a song by DANZILLA could not be played until he left the barber shop, or else all who came near would surely depart the world of the living. His command was obeyed, but later that day, the owner of the shop thought it safe to play DANZILLA music…after all, Vlad³ had been miles away by then. Unfortunately, another customer, in attendance for an innocent hair cut, looked down and caught sight of the trimmings left behind from Vlad³’s hair cut. The combination of audio, along with seeing pieces of Vlad³’s magnificent mane caused the unsuspecting customer to go into a coma. This is why the band itself cannot hold rehearsals. The music of DANZILLA takes a more fascinating turn as a result of this. Zach Dräkenberg, Vladimir Cube, and Seavarg Satori the Second spend their days trying to solve the mystery of the ancient scroll that they discovered in Vlad³’s backyard…which appears oddly equivalent to a Charleston Chew candy wrapper. DANZILLA spent years searching for a store with a good deal on Charleston Chews, but were disappointed to find that $1.50 was just beyond their budget for such an item. The scroll predicts that when DANZILLA consumes enough Charleston Chew, they will mutate into a more powerful and feared deity, GODZIG! When DANZILLA becomes GODZIG, even their audio alone will be too glorious for earthly ears. Mankind trembles at the inevitable arrival of GODZIG! The words of Zach Dräkenberg ring true to this very day...
“When DANZILLA calls collect, you’d better accept the charges!”
Rare footage of Zach Dräkenberg attacking the French