Did we just hear a snicker?

We'll continue anyway. Old Milwaukee, or OM as we like to call it in Texalina, is the one drink that if imbibed in proper amounts and under precise atmospheric conditions can transport you into a state of transitionary flux or what we Texaliners call the Trans-Sans. There, as often as not, you'll likely at some point to encounter an individual known as the Trans-Sans Man. He (or she) is there simply to converse with you, to answer questions, and to lend support to your spiritual quest.

Now you are asking, what are the unique properties of OM that gives it the power to transport you from the physical sphere to the metaphysical one?

We don't know. We just know it works and in Texalina that's how we measure something. Whether it works or not, and by gum, OM works.

What methodology is followed to enter into the transitionary flux? Being drunk helps, but is not totally necessary, especially if you are one of those high spirited individuals who combine energy and imagination with a vibrant personality. But melancholy, loner types should not be discouraged. Just add a little Jack Daniels to the OM can.

Once in the Trans-Sans, be prepared to wait. The Trans-Sans Man has been known to build up a backlog of cases. But that's all right. The transitionary flux is a rather pleasant place. Reminds many of Hawaii.