The arena was cold as the music from the Christian bands blared through the speakers. The final band of the night walked on the stage and got ready for the performance. The two middle-aged men took their guitars, sat down on the stools, and began to play. Their music wasn�t like the other musicians instead their music reminded me of my father�s church. I had not been to my dad�s church in many months, but the memories from his church still remained vivid. The music had a certain sense, which was remarkably peaceful and uplifting. Before I knew what was going on I began to cry uncontrollably. I quickly lowered my head so no one would see me cry. As I was standing there I didn�t understand why I was crying; I had never cried like that. The men finished their portion of the performance and headed off the stage. The speaker, Miles McPherson, took his place on the stage and began to speak. I am unable to recall what he spoke about, but I do remember feeling the need to accept Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. The peace that I felt as the music was playing had brought me to the reality that I was incomplete. As the alter call was given I felt drawn to the center of the arena, I felt as if God were carrying me down the aisle. At that time two friends and I excitedly gave our lives into Christ hands. I said the sinner�s prayer, by asking Christ to forgive me of my sins and to come into my heart. Immediately after I prayed, an amazing feeling ran through my body; the feeling was peaceful and more fulfilling than any experience of this world. The irreplaceable feeling was God filling me immediately with his presence. I felt like running out into the crime filled streets of Buffalo, New York and telling everyone I met what had just happened.
I knew my life needed change, and without delay I joyfully welcomed the thought of change in my life. On the bus ride home, I went through every aspect of my life, and decided what needed to be changed. When I finally arrived at my house, I excitedly told my mom everything about that night, and to my disappointment she wasn�t excited. My mom looked at me and told me that I didn�t need that religious garbage and to forget all about that night. Despite my mom�s discouraging words I was still determined to follow God. Unfortunately, over the next couple of days I allowed that fire to be snuffed out by the world, just as the Bible says in the parable of the sower.
�Some fell on the rocky places, where it did not have much soil.
It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun
came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they
had no root.� (Matthew 13:5-6)
In other words, the seed represents people who hear about God and accept him with joy. Since they aren�t grounded in Christ, they walk away whenever trouble faces them. They are unable to stay strong when people persecute them and challenge their walk with God.
I turned my back on Christ, and immediately I sunk into a deep, dark pit. My life had no joy; I hated all that used to be dear to me. Haunting memories of the past consumed much of my life, but to me that wasn�t the worst. The worst was the empty feeling I had that I was unable to fill. My life started to reflect that of the man who tormented my family and me for four long months. My life turned from bright and cheerful to dark and drab. The music I listened to promoted violence by suggesting that murders, suicides, and gangs were acceptable. I drank in the music as if I were being fed my life. The music had a major impact on my hateful outlook on life. The images of masked band members, and people engulfed by webs became my style of clothes. Kids would see my horrendous clothing and they�d turn or just run away. I began to care about very little because I felt if I wasn�t happy why should anyone else be. I tormented my brother, aggravated my mother, and terrorized kids in the neighborhood. My mouth wasn�t clean either; every other word out of my mouth was one of those four letter words parents don�t like. When I got angry everyone wanted to leave I�d fight with my brother, or push him over. I�d become angry at every little mishaps. Not to mention my grades took a serious decline I went from a straight �A� student to �D�s� and �F�s� within a matter of months. I look back at what I was like and I think about how I must have looked as if I were a very dark and evil child.
My outer appearance showed me as a hard, uncaring person, but my inner self was very much torn and tormented. Memories of my mom�s former boyfriend haunted me everyday. The power and the control he had had over my family terrified me. The horrible images reminded me daily of his abuse. This petrifying man had the ability of being able to convince my mother that allowing her children to drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes at their young ages was good for them. Even when my brother (6) and I (14) tried to refuse, my mother coaxed us while her intimidating boyfriend threatened to hit us if we didn�t obey. My mother also sat back and watched as the malevolent man tried to force us to kill each other. She watched as he handed my brother knives and lit lighters and forced him to chase me and try to attack me, and in return he forced me to hit mylittle brother. We constantly tried to tell him we wouldn�t hurt each other, but when we did he threatened to beat us if we didn�t follow his orders. The pain and the agony he caused amused this revolting man. Throughout all this time with him he constantly alienated us from our family; He told us how they didn�t care about us, and all they wanted to do was make our lives miserable. He constantly tried to corrupt us by filling our minds with new evils. Finally after four months HRS became involved and forced my mom and her horrifying boyfriend to break-up. Even though he was out of our lives, I was unable to break him out of my mind. For six months after I turned my back on Christ, I relived those horrific moments over and over again.