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St. Elmo Gazette

Volume 1, Issue 1

Masked Bandit Robs Bank

2006

Cheating Scandal at local high school
Burglary on Oakdale Street
Baseball Scores
New School Mascot for
St. Elmo
Mrs. Mash
travels!!

Inside this issue:

Burgulary	2
Wedding	2
Mash sails	2
Cheating	3
Sports	4
Pig loose	5
Deaths	6

A masked man held up Sun Trust Bank at 9:15 yesterday morning and escaped with over $25,000 in cash. He made his getaway through a fire door that, according to bank officials, is always kept locked but for some reason was left unlocked yesterday.
None of the four people in the bank at the time– tellers Liz Bizzy and Kitty Keats, and security guard Sam Small, and customer Ed Zed– was injured though all were badly shaken.
“It was terrifying,” said Ms. Bizzy. “He said he had a gun in his pocket and that he would use it if I didn’t cooperate. Even though he was wearing a mask, I could still see his sweaty skin and his dark brown eyes. And his hair-it was so blond it was almost white.
Both Mr. Small and Mr. Zed attempted to wrestle the thief to the ground.
“I tried to hold him, but he got away,” said Mr. Small. “I wish I could’ve done more.”
Mr Zed agreed. He was only about 5 foot 2 inches, but boy, was he strong,” he said. “I’m a foot taller, and I couldn’t stop him.”
(continued page 3)

Liz Bizzy, teller at Sun Trust Bank

We the People Conference held at Georgia Southern University

Mrs. Carole Mashburn, fourth and fifth grade teacher at St. Elmo School studied at Georgia Southern University in Statesboro this summer. She participated in a week long “We the People” program sponsored for the Center for Civic Education. The workshop was an intense study of the Constitution. While there, Mrs. Mashburn heard lectures from Honorable Susan Leeson, retired Oregon Supreme Court Justice, Dr. Lane Van Tassell and Dt. Patrick Novotny, professors of political science at Georgia Southern. Dr. Paul Harris, political science professor form Augusta State University also spoke. The state sponsor is Dr. John Hogee, professor from the University of Georgia.

Burglar Strikes Oakdale Street

532 Oakdale Street
Home of Mr. & Mrs. I.M. Rich

My Cousin Vito’s Pizza
Fuhgeddaboutit
We have the best pizza in town!!!

Police are investigating a burglary that occurred at 532 Oakdale Street yesterday, apparently while the owners were at home. Several pieces of jewelry were taken from an upstairs bedroom, including a diamond ring and a silver locket. Surprisingly, a wallet filled with cash was left untouched.
“We can hardly believe it,” said Mr. I. M. Rich, who along with his wife, Winfred, son, Winston and daughter, Whitley had moved into the house just a week earlier. “We moved to Columbus from Atlanta to get away from the crime and now this happens.”
At the center of the investigation, police say is a painter named Pinky Splatter, whom the Riches hired to paint their kitchen. According to the Riches, Splatter was the only person other than family members who had access to the second floor of their home yesterday.
“Splatter was alone in the house for several hours,” said Mr. Rich. “My wife and I were outside gardening and our children were in the garage cleaning out the fish tank and the ferret cage. It had to have been her.”
Mr. Rich’s account was further corroborated by two key pieces of evidence: smudges of canary yellow paint-the color Splatter was using-leading out the kitchen and up the stairs and a button from Splatter’s overalls that was found in the bedroom where the jewelry was stolen.
Police have also recovered a strand of short brown hair-the same color as Splatter’s-which has been sent to the Gotcha Crime lab for DNA testing. They are quick to point out,

Wedding Bells
Ginger Vitis weds Lester Reen

The Community Church was the site Saturday for the wedding of Ginger Vitis, a chef at the popular restaurant La Garlique, to Lester Reen, a dental hygienist. The two met when Ginger was seeking treatment for a chronic bad-breath problem at Lester’s office. According to Ginger it was love at first sight. Lester agrees, adding, “That first kiss was a killer!”

Mrs. Mashburn sets sail

The Mashburn family sails on the MS Maasdam on a wonderful adventure to Nova Scotia

Mrs. Carole Mashburn, fourth and fifth grade teacher at St. Elmo School recently returned from a cruise to Nova Scotia. Mrs. Mashburn, along with her husband news anchor, Chuck Leonard, and their two children, Ann Elizabeth, a student at Georgia Southern University and Michael a rising senior at Columbus High School, flew to Boston where they took in many historical sights including the old North Church which is famous for Paul Revere’s midnight ride to warn that the British were coming. From there they sailed to Bar Harbor, Maine where they did some sightseeing and shopping. Other stops on the way were at Halifax, where many of the victims from the Titanic were buried, and Charlottetown, the home of L. M. Montgomery. While there they toured the home from Anne of Green Gables and the cemetery where Ms. Montgomery is buried. They also had a stop in Quebec City where they ate at a quaint French restaurant and shopped in the old French district.

Page #

St. Elmo Gazette

Masked Bandit (continued from page 1)

Ms. Keats had no comment and left the scene immediately after being questioned by the police.
Both Mr. Small and Mr. Zed’s were examined for injuries at a local hospital. Skin cells found under Mr. Zed’s fingernails, which may have been the result of his struggle with the robber, were sent to the Gotcha Crime Lab for DNA testing.
Meanwhile police are still investigating why the fire door was left open, and more important, how the robber could have known that it was open. A black hair taken from a wool hat found just inside the door was also sent to the Gotcha Crime Lab for DNA testing. Police believe the tests will provide them with clues as to who might have unlocked the door.
Police Chief Ricky Boren would not comment except to say that the DNA evidence would be the key to solving this case.

Ms. Sally Smith at the Gotcha Crime Lab tests skin samples for DNA identification

Around the Campus at City High

Cheating Scandal
Uncovered at School
What started out as a friendly competition between the two top math students at City High turned ugly yesterday as word spread throughout the community.
According to Principal Vivian Fussy, City High’s two best math students, Selma Smart and Brian Brain, were given a nearly impossible test to determine which one of them would be chosen to represent the school at the National Math Olympics at the White House in June. Not only would the winner get to meet President George W. Bush, he or she would also receive a $5000 scholarship.
But at the end of the test, which was held in the school’s math lab, school custodian Benny Broome made a surprising discovery.
“I found a tissue on the floor that had math formulas written all over it,” Broome said. “It was a cheat sheet!”
He promptly turned the tissue over to Principal Fussy, and together they noticed another thing about it.
(Continued page 4)

“All...will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal must protect, and to violate would be oppression…”
Thomas Jefferson

Burlary (continued from page 2)

however, that the hair may simply belong to one of the Riches, all of whom also have short brown hair.
“A family’s DNA is normally found all over its own house. It would be more surprising if the hair didn’t match one of the Riches,” explained criminologist Cindy Court.
In the meantime, Splatter is denying allegations, saying she never left the kitchen at any time during the day. She acknowledged that a button did indeed fall off her overalls while she was working, but said she had no idea how the button could have ended up upstairs.
“I feel like I am being framed,” she said.
Meanwhile the Rich family has hired attorney, Mr. Nelson Smugg, and is getting ready to press charges.
“The evidence is overwhelming,” said Mr. Smugg. “This Splatter is a very shady lady, and we hope to put her behind bars for a very long time.”

Pinky Splatter, house painter, is a suspect in the missing jewelry case at the Rich home on Oakdale Street.

Volume 1, Issue 1

Page #

Today’s Weather:
Another beautiful day at St. Elmo School.
Sunshine, blue skies and great temperatures. Also, smiling faces and happy people!
Enjoy!!!

“How shall I say this politely-the tissue had been used,” said Principal Fussy at a press conference held last night at the school.
“There was a booger in it?” asked a reporter.
“Not exactly. There was blood,” said Principal Fussy, one eyebrow raised. “Apparently the cheater had a nose bleed during the test. And since neither student will admit to it, we have decided to send the bloody tissue to the Gotcha Crime Lab fro DNA testing.”
In the meantime, the math tests have been graded, and both students were found to have a perfect 100.
But, as Principal Fussy pointed out, “Cheating makes one of those perfect scores not so perfect. By tomorrow we’ll know who will be going to the Oval Office and who will be going to MY office.”

cmashburn@mcsdga.net

Scores
City High– 58
Kingston-56
Mashburn -25
Students 13
St. Elmo– 103
Oscar– 98

Mrs. Mash LOVES email and encourages her students and parents to email her at cmash2002@yahoo.com

Sports
The best thing that happened yesterday was the last minute victory by the City High Citizens over the Kangaroos. The Citizen’s Hugh Hightower, who was scoreless for the game, grabbed the loose ball under the basket and using the backboard, bounced it right into the basket just seconds before the final buzzer.
Too bad there was no one there to congratulate him for the victory except team mates. All the townsfolk were at home behind locked doors.
Deaths
Jack Stingymiser, 81
Jack Stingymiser, known to many simply as “Miser”, died yesterday at the age of 81. Stingymiser was best known around town for his mean-spirited ways, his aversion to small children, and his incomparable stinginess. “I wouldn’t part with a penny if my life depended on it” was his motto, and as it turned out, it did! Stingymiser was hit by a car as he chased a penny that had rolled into a busy intersection.
Stingymiser will be sorely by no one in particular. He didn’t take his money with him!
St. Elmo Pig
on the Loose
Be on the lookout for a pig running around St. Elmo School. No, it isn’t Mrs. Mashburn!! The pig left Mrs. Wright’s room and has been seen dropping in on different classed. If he shows up at your room, make sure you quietly pass him on to someone else without them knowing how he got there. The is TOP SECRET and you don’t want to be caught with him!! It is rumored that he has “swine flu.”

We look forward to our students arrival at St. Elmo each morning. Please enter with a smile and a cheerful “Hello!”