On 8 Oct 2003, the break up.
i ask for break up, that time i very stress,cause this few days keep quarreling and really affect my work,i cannot stand her attitude anymore.also i am too possessive.....i regret the thing i say....i hurt her in my harsh words......on 8 oct 2003, the day we break up......i try many ways that can make her kan dong to patch back.....end up being a real fool!!!!i hate myself for loving her..i wait for her 2 months...but she never want, cos she hide something from me....which later i found out the whole stories myself which i did alot of foolish things to find out the truth and make myself more upset, make myself a fool, cry infront of many people..she think i am a bastard, cos i dig up her privacy, cause i care for her but in a wrong way...that period she really treat me very cruel....those sad things which i dun want to mention,if write this story will be very long and remind me of that sad weeks, the scar will left in my heart, i know one thing, she is in my memories but not in my heart anymore, i wen xin wu hui, cos i know i had treat her well this 9 months...That period, i cry like fuck, no sleep well, no eat well, just like a zombie, go work eat snake, no mood work, hide at one side sleep, got caught, well that is the power of love......is this a true love? someone told me is a puppy love.
On 15 Nov 2003, i send birthday present to her mum ask her mum to pass to her....that day i was drunk after going to centro, i did not went home, at night i called her.....i say alot of dunno what thing, she scold me, i very sad......cry myself to sleep. For many nights, i never went home, cause it will remind me of her, i went to different friend's house and sleep....
On 18 Nov 2003, this is the last date i saw her till now.......dunno how is she now
On 24 Dec 2003, a surprise call, she call me tell me she under my block, she brought me Christmas present, very kan dong......but i was not at home, she pass it to my dad.....when i reach home, i open the present, was a levi's shirt and a card....after reading i cry....cause i really miss those days together...
On 26 Dec 2003, the day before i went to Thailand, i brought her chirstmas present send to her mum, a CD, her favorite droup energy CD, E3...wrap in a bag.......that night in the coach, i recieve a sms, she thanks me for the present and say i am still one who understand her most....tears roll from the corner of my eyes, kns i cry again......i know she and me will never be together again.....is very hard to be a friend now, maybe years later when the scar faded abit.
The last picture together and break up pic.
I had to thank her, thank you for loving me......you had give me joys and laughter this 9 months, i will not forget you, be in my memories but not in my heart already...
I had to thank many people to have comfort me during these period, my friends, like krislyn, soon loeng, grace shi mei,ivan, lien hong, mervyn which accompany me go dobhy ghaut mrt there a church to pick up those lovers seeds.....really must thank him,cause that time he see me very sad, wanted to pick for her, then he accompany me after work go......and many more friends from poly, secondary and others.
My net friends also help alot, talk alot with me, ask me dun be sad, really thanks you all......when i am kong xun, you all talk with me...
To ease off my pain, i had been writing every where i go, after i write out, is like telling someone my feeling out, then i will be ok....for these 2 months,had been writing in my blogspot......
time i will wait for u pass by me fast, let u heal me let u cool my wound, let the scar fade abit let u bring the loneliness out of me let u bring other memories to me as u pass by, my casio g shock also move seconds,minutes, hours, days slowly pass me by u will not stop at the moment for me and her u does not belong to me alone i must not be selfish,i must not stop u u belong to the world, we share u, time. extracted from my brain.....cm's brain
The room and the candle
"just like a dark room, suddenly someone walk in and light up a candle...it brighten the room, these 9 months is like a candle, when it melt, the room become silence and dark again." now i can be sure that the same person will not come in and light up the candle again......because the room does not give her comfort again, the room that fills with happiness and laughter was buried by lies and hates now...the room also does not want the same person to come in again.........because it brings hurt and lies into the room....who wants to be in the room of hates and lies? that person will walk into another room, that she can find happiness and laughter again........and the room is waiting for the next fate person to come in and light up the room again, hopefully it will not be a candle this time, because it will melt,it will become darkness again.........hope is a bulb. the room sometimes will miss that person with the candle, because she once brighten the room with joy,laughter, happiness.....as the candle burns.......times goes by......the room get darker and darker......... will the person with the candle think of that room? maybe not.....
extracted from my inner most thoughts...... cm's heart
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