On Tuesdays we have a short poll called "Tuesday's Twos"; One of the questions was whether you had a romantic proposal.... This was Vince's story: I was best man for my brother's wedding (2/26/83), and Cornelia and I had been going out for about 3 months. SHe was in hospital for an operation to remove a (benign) breast lump, and it seemed unlikely that she would be able to go to the wedding with me (where I was planning on proposing), so the night before, when I went to visit her in hospital, I took the ring with me, and proposed there in the hospital, in front of 3 other patients who promptly called everyone in the wards around to come and see (those who could walk/ride there). After all the tears and good wishes ended, Cornelia pulls back the bed covers to reveal..... that she was fully clothed and waiting for me to take her home to her parents. She did go with me to the wedding, and we got married about 7 months later (9/17/83) and have been married ever since! (round of applause, thank you, thank you, thank you). When the board was posed with this question by a member: "Dh thinks I may have a sexual dysfuntion,:-)because I rarely go chasing him for sex. Now btwn my body and my readings, I know that women need to be romantically motivated to pursue this. Dh, God bless him, was not given romantic as a character trait, but he tries. Anyway the question...am I in the minority here...what's the deal. I was a little upset because I felt like he was shifting the burden of responsibility to me. Not good the night before Vday. Also do women generally pursue sex more when they are single? Is this a good question for V'day? LOL!!!" This is how Vince responded~we knew there was a reason we loved him so much!! I will initially dodge this question on the grounds that it may incriminate me...(m, long) but I guess I have to try to place things in some kind of perspective (from my (male) point of view).... Males (many generalisations ahead, so be warned) operate from a physical point of view, harping back to the hunter-killer role. Females operate more on the emotional POV harping back to the mother/nurturer role. Therefore mens' perception of love tends to be physical, womens' perception is emotional. Needs difer accordingly. Most guys would be happy with a frequency which wopuld require a harem to satisfy. Most gals would be happy with just what is required for conception for the continuation of the species. (I warned you about generalisations, OK). Immediately we are heading for a clash. Guys also quickly realise (we're not all that stupid, you know) that being romantic is in NO way a guarantee of physical intimacy, or for that matter anything. Some guys I know have dumped the romance approach as a waste of time, because of what they perceive as ongoing rejection. Some of us try regardless, in the faint hope of some degree of success. I will concede that his timing (Feb 14) left something to be desired, but as someone at work commented, "it shouldn't take a specific day to cause you to appreciate the one you love". I can understand where your dh is coming from, but from 18 years of marriage to Cornelia (with similar issues regularly rearing their ugly heads), I can also understand where you're coming from. I will not elaborate more on our situation other than to say that dw knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love her dearly, because if it wasn't for the love we feel for each other (i.e. if it was a purely physical attraction), I would probably have been gone a long time ago. I am still with her, so that must say someting (a lot). AS for single women seeking more, I suspect that that is the case, but also from a 'seeking-a-mate' emotional stance, also raging hormones probably have a lot to do with this. Once you have had a baby (or conceived a baby, in fact), hormonal changes take place to convert you from a potential mother to a nurturer, and who can understand THAT process. You are possibly in the minority, but not by far. It is a fact that some 40% of American women suffer from significant decrease in libido, and the figures are probably similar worldwide (40% is a minority after all). The Bible itself encourages physical love, in fact Song of Solomon is a love letter, and if you listen to a few of the sermons by John Heagy (sp?), it is a pretty erotic, steamy love letter at that. The girl goes out and looks for her lover, and drags him back home, and locks him up so he cannot get away from her!!! Nice!!! I hope this helps, and that it doesn't get me evicted. Please understand that his needs are very diferent to yours in many respects, and that he needs physical reassurance of your love. He, on the other hand must get to realise that you need the emotional reassurance of his love. Med get to love through sex. Women get to sex through love. Good luck, and I hope you have a great V-Day in spite of this (or even because this has made you think). Vince Please visit Vince's father's memorial page. In Loving memory~Maxwell Van Zyl 1934-2001 Feel free to pass it on, too! How did Vince choose his screename? "It's who and what I am.... As a Christian, I am a son of God, the king, so that makes me a prince, and Vince, well........ that's just me. Easy once you think it through!!!!" A thought for today... "Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain." --Helen Keller