I grew up in a Christain family and made my decision for Christ at the age of 3. Through my teenage years I would was what you call obnoxious, I read through the Bible, started up Bible studies in the Public High School, and participated in everything. Unfortunately, that created a very pushy, arrogent young christian who thought she knew what was right no questions asked. Well, the Lord took me out of my comfort zone and sent me to College a whole 30min away from home LOL At college I went through soroity rush (which was a full week before the rest of the university came) cause everyone in my family had been greek. If you can imagine, I asked at all the rush parties if that particular sorority had a Bible study. I did end up pledging my first choice sorority which is where the Lord really allowed the veil over my eyes to be removed. I started the college experience putting scripture on friends door at the end of a bad day, to breaking up with long term christain boyfriend and dating BIG MAN oN CAMPUS. Well, everything I knew was right was suddenly challenged on a daily basis. I made some really poor decisions and two years later find myself literally begging this inteligent, gorgeous, rich boy not to break up with me as he went overseas to study for a year. Despite the fact that the relationship was all about him, and I never really felt good about it, I had switched the center of my world from God to this guy. I had never been part of the "in group", but just on the outside and this guy was the epitomy of the "In Crowd" and I feel head over heals for playing the role of his girl. I fell for all the lines. (side note here: I just have to say my mom was praying frevently for my furture mate during this time) Weeks after I took this guy to the airport I sliced my finger open with a steak knife (while making lunch not on purpose) and found myself needing help with the bleeding so I knocked on the apartment next door. One of the guys there took me to get the hand stitched and the other guy came later to check on me. Rob stayed 4 hours and even met my dad who was in town for work and stopped by. Rob became my bestfriend as we both were trying to find who we were and where are faith was. Soon I found out what a real relationship was and fell into unconditional love. There was a point I should share when the old boyfriend showed back up on my doorstop to try and renew things (I was one of three girls he was visiting!!!!) Rob gently and lovingly spent a weekend playing basketball letting this guy court me again to see who "I would choose". God is so good, because He had already laid the foundation of love with Rob so there was really no choice to make anymore. Flash ahead. Rob and I get married and he starts medical school and joins the air force. Within 6 months my dad is diagnosed with terminal cancer, my teaching job at the Christain school collapses, and we find out I am pregnant! My faith is challanged and deepened. My family changes as my dad dies and I give birth to a son. Wow! Flash ahead. December 2000 I am 17 weeks pregnant with my 4th child living at our third assignment. My mother has remarried, my Dh is getting ready to graduate residency and we are awaiting to find out where we will be moving to in June 2001. On Monday my doctor calls and says my routine pap is showing really bad cells and it could be a fluke but I have to come in right now. After a colposcopy they take three biopsies of my cervix and send me home with the grave news that if it is bad they may want to take the baby. On Wednesday I go for a routine ultrasound that lasts for over an hour. On Thursday they call to say the baby has no stomach we need to see a specalist. We activate every prayer chain we can think to call. The first thing on the screen at the specialist's is a stomach in our sweet baby! PRAISE GOD. The doctor calls to say the cells from the cervix are bad and others will be brought in to decide the course of action. I continue to need IV fluids throughout the pregnancy, have high BP and blood in my urine for the whole nine months, but tell the doctors no more biopsies or anything till the baby is past 32 weeks. 34 week biopsies shows growth, but they decide to let me deliver with hopes that the trauma from the delivery will benefit me. We move a week after a HEALTHY William is born. In August they redo another biopsy which shows I still am in bad shape and need surgery on my cervix, and of course I have the 1% chance of problems arise. I go back on December 12th (2001) to see how things look now and to see if more surgery is needed. Where does this bring me. I am no longer the arrogent little christain girl. I am humbled, seeking God in ways I never had before. The Scripture jumps off the page offering comfort and challanging me. I feel like a new baby learning about my Lord with such hunger, because I CANNOT HANDLE THE TRIALS BEFORE ME WITHOUT HIM! I have so much more to learn and so many aspects of my life I need to work out, and the Lord is using these past years as a fire to purify and buff this rough gem that I represent. Oh I have value now, just like that diamond from the ground, but so much more I will have when He is through with me like the cut and polished diamond in the jewelry window. I have come to the place where I can praice HIM for my trials and I am working on being content in any and every circumstance. I have left out so many of the other trials the last 7 years have held for me including one DA. I can only close with saying that only the Lord has all the answers and He speaks to us all calling us to use our very different gifts. I am still learning. Right now my lesson is choicing to having a joful contenence in all things because God is bigger! (than the boogie man, oops I think that just came out from Veggie Tales) Sorry I rambled. I can only hope this rambling glorifies the Lord! Jennifer