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Testimony of Love and Forgiveness
Dec 25,
2002
As far back as I can remember, God has been a part of my
life. I chose to ignore His love for so long I didn't think there was hope
for me. As I like to say, God tapped me on the shoulder for a long
time...and I played the game, calling myself a Christian and going to
church. Then He whacked me over the head with a iron-cast pan and I was
never the same. After the shock wore off, I came to know Him as a loving
and forgiving Father who still loved me after all I had done. Today,
Christmas Day 2002, I wish to dedicate my life to Him and allow Jesus full
access to my life and my heart.
Here is my story.
I was
baptized Lutheran and raised Baptist, so you can about imagine how
confused I have been the majority of my life. Up until the time I was 13 I
was just going through the motions, going to youth group and church and
saying prayers before the Thanksgiving Meal. When I was 13 we moved to a
much smaller town and I became active in another church. I was very active
in the youth group and went on all the field trips. I remember asking
myself what it meant to have Christ in your heart, but never did bother to
ask it out loud. When I was 16 I became rebellious to my parents and to God.
It was at that time I became sexually active and started treating my body
terrible. Instead of being proud of myself and thanking God for His gifts,
I hated my body and began looking for anyone who would think it worthy of
attention.
Although I started to have a better relationship with
my parents about the time I graduated High School, I had dropped out of
the church scene and was a wondering soul. My dad passed away when I was
19 and I wondered how in the world my mom could still be praying to a God
who had made her a widow at the tender age of 49. I was angry at God and
anyone who told me not to be got a terrible look from me.
I
continued to abuse my body with sleeping around and with alcohol. I never
have used drugs or smoked anything and I am proud of that. When I turned
21 I couldn't have been happier....I started the bar thing and had a
blast. I sang karaoke and got drunk too much and slept around .....I even
kept a journal! UGH! I was in a terrible place.
All this time God
was waiting patiently for me to notice Him.
Easter time of 1997,
my friend Tammy asked me what I was doing to celebrate. I told her I was
gonna sleep in and then go out later and get drunk. She said *Get up! You
are going to Church!* Bleah, I thought, CHURCH?!?! I went, and even became
a member of this church. The only thing it changed in me was that I had to
get up on Sundays now.
About a year and a half after that, I
started working at a Bible Camp in town, whose Director was a member of
the Church. This made a small impact on my life, but I would not realize
its full potential until this year.
In the summer of 2000, I was
at the height of my partying. I had a roommate who was in the same place
and we fed off each other. We drank and danced and partied our way
through the summer. I even got myself a summer fling....it was my routine,
I had one every summer! His name was Les and he was a ton of fun.
September 7th, Les and I found out we were going to be parents. Together!
I knew God was trying to tell me something. My baby boy was born April 18,
2001. I would not come to understand the full meaning of his existence until after he turned one.
All through these things, God was
sending me hints of His love and forgiveness. I would go to church and ask
for forgiveness but then go right out and do the same things again. I
mocked people who talked Bible Talk for I was sure they were faking it
just like I was.....saying one thing and then doing another. God sent me
people who told me of His love and I dismissed them. God sent signs like
the Bible Camp and I ignored them.
Then in late September of this
year, two things happened in my life that changed me forever.
First, I ran across this chat called *Christian Parenting*, where
I was welcomed with open arms and told of a message board that the
friendly people had. I began lurking and became an active member of the
board just a couple weeks later.
Second, I went to a Women's
Retreat at the Bible Camp which I had worked at just a few years earlier.
I arrived on Friday night, asking myself why I was there. I met some women
who were clearly Bible Talkers. I was hoping it might rub off on me so I
began to form friendships with them. Early Saturday morning I went for a
short walk by myself. I looked around at the wonders of the Camp...the
wilderness and the trees. I was looking at a HUGE tree (I could point it
out too if you asked me) and I began to wonder how people could think that
it was man-made, or just *happened*. How could something so complex NOT
come from God? I was standing there looking at the tree and I felt the
Holy Spirit come upon me and suddenly, as if someone had turned a light
on, I understood.
I understood that God loved me and had been
waiting for me. He had been giving me gifts all of my life which I had
been ungrateful for. He was the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me
and here I was, ignoring it all. I understood that all the times He had
forgiven me I had not accepted the forgiveness because I had been right
back out there doing it again. I understood he was not disappointed in me,
because He was the picture of patience. He had waited for me and it was my
time.
Since September I have been studying my life and the Bible.
I have read testimonies of God's Children and read His words, the ones he
sent for me. I understand now what I must do.
So here, in front of
my Christian Friends, I wish to dedicate my life to the Lord. I am ready
to be rescued and I want HIM to do it. On this day which He sent His only
son to be born for ME, I wish to give Him a gift...the greatest one I can
offer.
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